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Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty Lyrics > Jerry Springer: the Opera

Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty Lyrics

Diaper Man

[JERRY (spoken)]
So, Montel, what's on your mind?

[MONTEL]
I've been seeing Andrea here,
And we're in love,
We're in love,
We're in love!

[JERRY (spoken)]
And what is it that you want to tell Andrea?

[MONTEL]
Well, Jerry...

[JERRY (spoken)]
Don't talk to me. Talk to Andrea.

[MONTEL]
Baby, I love you with all of my heart,
But there is one thing you could do for me,
Which could change my life!
Change my life!

[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!

[MONTEL]
Well, baby...

[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!

[MONTEL]
Well, baby...

[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me!

[MONTEL]
I wanna be your baby, baby.

[ANDREA]
You are my baby, baby!

[MONTEL]
What I mean is...
I wanna be your BABY.

[ANDREA]
...What?

[MONTEL]
Be your BABY.

[ANDREA]
You've gotta be kidding...

[MONTEL]
Be your baby, be your baby.

[ANDREA]
You've gotta be kidding...

[MONTEL]
Be your baby, be your baby.

[ANDREA]
Tell me this is bullshit!

[MONTEL]
Babe, I wanna be your baby, baby!
B-A-B with a Y!
B-A-B-Y!

[ANDREA]
What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
Jesus Christ!
What're you saying?!

[MONTEL]
If baby gets bad, if baby gets slack,
Mama give B-A-B-Y big, big smack!

[ANDREA]
Montel, what're you saying?

[MONTEL]
Baby!

[ANDREA]
Stop it!
What the fuck is happening here?

[MONTEL]
Baby!

[ANDREA]
Stop it!

[MONTEL]
Baby!

[ANDREA]
Watch it!
Montel! Montel, what the fuck is going on here?

[MONTEL]
Mama get all angwy.

[ANDREA]
Stop it, Montel!
Stop it!

[JERRY (spoken)]
Andrea, you seem upset. What is it you want to say to Montel?

[ANDREA]
Montel...

[MONTEL]
Mama.

[ANDREA]
Stop this.

[MONTEL]
Mama.

[ANDREA]
We can...

[MONTEL]
Mama.

[ANDREA]
...work it out!

[MONTEL]
It mean a lot to me, baby.

[ANDREA]
Get some therapy!

[MONTEL]
It would help in the bed department!

[ANDREA]
...Bed department?

[MONTEL]
Yes!

[ANDREA]
Are you saying I'm bad in bed?!

[MONTEL]
No, baby!

[ANDREA]
What then?

[MONTEL]
Well...

[ANDREA]
Spit it out! Spit it out!
Are you trying to say you're gay?!

[MONTEL]
No, baby!
It's so very hard...

[ANDREA]
Put some pants on!
Be a man,
And tell me! Tell me!

[MONTEL]
Well...

[ANDREA]
What?

[MONTEL]
It's...

[ANDREA]
What?

[MONTEL]
Er...

[ANDREA AND ENSEMBLE]
What?!

[JERRY'S INNER VALKYRIE]
Please don't tell us,
We can guess!

[JERRY (spoken)]
Will you get out of my head?! I'm working here! Now get out!

Montel Cums Dirty

[MONTEL]
Some people like to relax in casinos,
Others get their kicks shoving powder up their nose,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
Some people chill with a pill or a reefer,
Others like to eat their lunch off a whore's beaver,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
For some, morning mass,
For others, hairy ass.

I got a need, a special desire,
A little thing, a harmless thing, which sets my soul on fire,
Which sends we spinning into space and puts me in a trance.
A little thing, a harmless thing!
A little thing, a harmless thing!

I just wanna shit my pants.
Oh, I just wanna shit my pants.
Oh, pooping in my Calvin Kleins!

(Scats)

It might seem pathetic,
Might show a lack of class,
I only feel the real me,
When the shit's pooring out of my ass.

[JERRY (spoken)]
So, spit it out, Montel! What's the big secret?

[MONTEL]
I had to get my diaper action.
I had to get my diaper action.
I've been seeing Baby Jane!

Last Update: June, 10th 2013

Jerry Springer: the Opera Lyrics

  1. Act 1
  2. Overtly-Ture Full Company
  3. Audience Very Plainsong
  4. Ladies & Gentlemen / Have Yourselves A Good Time
  5. Bigger Than Oprah Winfrey
  6. Foursome Guests
  7. I've Been Seeing Someone Else
  8. Chick With A Dick / Talk To The Hand
  9. Adverts 1
  10. Intro To Diaper Man
  11. Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty
  12. This Is My Jerry Springer Moment
  13. Mama Gimmee Smack On The A**Hole
  14. I Wanna Sing Something Beautiful
  15. Adverts 2
  16. First Time I Saw Jerry
  17. Backstage Scene
  18. Poledancer
  19. I Just Wanna Dance
  20. It Has No Name
  21. Some Are Decended From Angels
  22. Jerrycam / Klan Entrance Lyrics 
  23. Act 2
  24. Eat Excrete
  25. Gloomy Nurses / Purgatory Dawning / The Haunting
  26. Him Am the Devil / Every Last Mother Fucker Should Go Down Lyrics 
  27. Grilled & Roasted
  28. Transition Music Lyrics 
  29. Act 3
  30. Once In Happy Realms Of Light
  31. Fuck You Talk Lyrics 
  32. Satan & Jesus Spat Lyrics 
  33. Adam & Eve & Mary Lyrics 
  34. Where Were You? Lyrics 
  35. Behold God Lyrics 
  36. Marriage of Heaven & Hell Lyrics 
  37. This is My Cheesey Lyrics 
  38. Jerry it is Finished Lyrics 
  39. Jerry Eleison Lyrics 
  40. Please Don't Die Lyrics 
  41. Take Care Lyrics 
  42. Martin's Richard-esque Finale de Grand Fromage
  43. Play Out Lyrics 

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