Jerry Likes My Corn lyrics
Jerry Likes My Corn
EDITH
Jerry likes the way I do my corn
Isn`t he a treasure?
More corn!
Look at how he chows right through my corn
It`s my only pleasure
I boil it on the hot plate
Till all the juice is gone
Bless his soul
He knows which side my corn is buttered on
Jerry lacks a mother`s tender care
Nobody to need him
Mother`s now are barely ever there
Someone`s gotta feed him
The kind of things that I like
His high school friends all scorn:
Cottage cheese, chamomile,
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
But, Jerry likes my corn
(Spoken) The things you do for me, Jerry. You`re my Gibraltar.
JERRY
The corn is out of this world!
EDITH
Oh, did I do it nicely? He always compliments me on the way I do my corn!
Jerry is a son like my own two
LITTLE EDIE
Sons who never phone you
EDITH
More salt`
Boys have more important things to do
LITTLE EDIE
After they disown you
EDITH
And though he hardly says much
I understand his grunts
`Hey` means `hi`
`Yo` means `yes`
Believe me, he`s no dunce!
Anything that breaks he knows which tool
Jerry is a fixer
(pointing to LITTLE EDIE) Not her
Happy hour starts right after school
Jerry, have a mixer
He tells me things the kids like
And I just feel reborn:
Mountain Dew, Super Bowl,
Sex and drugs and rock n` roll
But, most of all, my corn
(Spoken) Jerry, you know what I`d like? Some music. I`m happier when I`m singing than anything I`ve ever done since I was
born. See if you can find that song. Oh, you know the one I just adore.
LITTLE EDIE
Let me help, Mother Darling, I`m extremely organized. I know exactly where to look for that record`
EDITH
No! Let Jerry.
LITTLE EDIE
I`ve got it under control, kid, I can find it.
EDITH
Jerry can find things in his house--right on this bed--you couldn`t find for half an hour.
LITTLE EDIE
I`m so sick of that kid! I mean, I have great pity for him and I like him.
EDITH
The trouble is she`s madly in love with him. Oh, pardon me, but it`s true.
LITTLE EDIE
Well, he might as well leave right now cause he`s never gonna get it so that`s it!
EDITH
Get what` Sex with you`
LITTLE EDIE
That`s all they`re after! That`s all they`re after!
EDITH
An old person like you` Good god!
LITTLE EDIE
Tomcats! All of `em! So you might as well tell him right now to forget about it.
EDITH
Jerry doesn`t want any sex with you
Jerry likes his own age
LITTLE EDIE
Oh yes!
EDITH
Kids at seventeen do not pursue
Relics of the stone age
LITTLE EDIE
Believe me, I can tell these things!
EDITH
Jerry doesn`t want any sex with you
Jerry isn`t crazy
Adolescent girls now are easy lays
Same as Edie in her awkward phase
Jerry has a new girl every night
And not a one of them have cellulite`
LITTLE EDIE
He`s gonna be here for years and years and years`
EDITH
He doesn`t want any sex with you! Get out of here!
LITTE EDIE
I want the people I want in this house!
EDITH
Go away! You`re making me very angry!
Jerry doesn`t fight like two fish wives
Jerry likes relaxing
(Me too)
Now and then we play my forty-fives
Hear the old sad sax sing
No picnic growing older
Abandon and forlorn
Stuck in bed, stiff with gout
Alcoholic drinks are out--
You`ll die!
The doctor`s warn
Then quick as a wink
I`m in the pink
`Cause Jerry likes my corn
(Spoken) I tell ya, that boy is a gift.
Last Update: June, 10th 2013