Samovar the Lawyer Lyrics
Samovar the Lawyer
Groucho, Harper, Chico, you?re a screamWhat a team
Simply insane
When merry Marxes at their bouncy best
Wrecking Russia just like men possessed
Why, it's enough to make the East move West
Come see "A Night in the Ukraine"!
Lights, camera, action!
Ah, you know that music goes straight to my heart
It does?
Yes, and it?s not doing my stomach any good, either
By the way, what do you call yourself?
I'm not calling myself
I'm always someplace near
No, no, you don?t understand
You see, in my own futile way
I?m just trying to find out your name
Oh! My name! Shishicarlo Wichenvandelovelenovadamocherella
Ah, how do you spell that?
Wrong, every time!
Hey boss, what's-a your name?
My name is Serge B. Samovar
My father called me Serge
What he really wanted was a new blue suit
Hey, ask me what I do for a living
Okay, what do you do for a living?
Funny you should ask
I?m Russia's leading legal brain
I?m wise to all the loopholes
And very modestly I maintain
I haven't any scruples
Let?s not forget my father
A lawyer too was he
In fact, he shouted "I object!"
The first time he saw me
I'm Samovar the boar of the bar
The most obnoxious lawyer
I'll press your lawsuit while you wait
And scorch it to annoy you
I?m a sue-er who knows how to sue
You slander me, and that?s my cue
I'll litigate all over you
I?m Samovar the lawyer
Hello, lawyer
Hello, lawyer
Hello, lawyer
Hello, lawyer
Lawyer Samovar! Hey!
My well-known lack of legal skill
Has everyone in awe
I've broken many a woman?s will
It's more fun than the law
The first case I defended
A poor old Muscovite
Got fourteen years for forging checks
And he couldn?t even write!
Oh, but I haven't introduced myself!
I'm Samovar the Lawyer
I once addressed the court for days
In Springfield, Illinois-ah
On a minor point I wouldn?t budge
I turned the jury?s brains to fudge
They freed the crook and hanged the judge
Don't hire me, I?ll destroy ya!
So three hurrahs for Samovar
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
Now, there sits a man with an open mind
You can feel the draft from here
I'm Samovar
I?m the Lawyer!
Song Overview
Review and Highlights
Quick summary
- Act 2 character-introduction number: the Groucho-inspired lawyer makes his entrance and sets the comic temperature.
- Written for the show by Dick Vosburgh and Frank Lazarus.
- On the Original Broadway Cast recording, the role is performed by David Garrison.
- Recorded track length is commonly listed as 4:06, long enough for patter, feints, and a few well-placed stings.
A Day in Hollywood / A Night in the Ukraine (1980) - stage musical - diegetic. Act 2, immediately after the entr'acte/title frame, as the farce settles into its main engine: Serge B. Samovar arrives to collect a debt and refuses to leave. In other words, the plot finally gets its motor.
There is a very specific pleasure in watching a show announce its comic lead. This number does not build a mystery around Samovar. It throws him at the audience like a business card snapped between two fingers. The writing leans into the Groucho template: confidence as camouflage, charm as a weapon, and a rhythm that never gives the other characters enough silence to think. I have always liked this kind of entrance because it tells you, at once, how the evening will move.
According to the Internet Broadway Database song listing for the touring edition, the track appears in Act 2 among the core sequence of the Ukraine half, which keeps the structure tight: establish the premise, introduce the collector, then let the situation boil. That clarity is part of the comedy. Nobody is waiting for symbolism. They are waiting for the next line.
Creation History
Vosburgh once described the aim bluntly: if there could not be another Marx Brothers film, he would write his own. The Ukraine half takes Chekhov's one-act play The Bear and reframes it as a movie-parody farce, with Samovar standing in for Groucho. As stated in the Breaking Character account of the show's early London life, the transformation is deliberate and specific: Groucho becomes Samovar, and the widow becomes Madame Pavlenko. Once the show reached Broadway, the cast album documentation credited David Garrison in the role for this number, and later DRG catalog releases placed the track on digital platforms.
Song Meaning and Annotations
Plot
Act 2 presents itself as a raucous "film" staged live. A lawyer, Serge B. Samovar, arrives at the estate of a wealthy widow, Madame Pavlenko, to collect a 1,800 ruble fee owed by her late husband. She does not want visitors. He does not accept the word "no." The number introduces him as the type of man who can turn a simple invoice into a full-scale campaign.
Song Meaning
The meaning lives in function: this is Samovar telling you who he is before anyone else gets the chance. He is a salesman in legal clothing, a performer who treats debt collection like courtship and treats objection like an invitation to speak faster. In the Marx Brothers grammar, speed is power. The show makes that grammar musical: the patter is not decoration, it is character.
Annotations
-
"A Marx Brothers-style movie"
The number borrows that screen-era rule: the lead talks first, talks most, and turns every exchange into a routine. Samovar is not introduced by backstory. He is introduced by momentum.
-
"Collect a 1,800 ruble fee"
This detail is the farce's anchor. It keeps the piece from floating away into pure clowning. A specific sum makes the pressure feel real, which makes the antics sharper.
-
"Groucho became Samovar"
This is the production's thesis in one line. The number is written to support the swap: familiar Groucho attitude, new name, new plot, same verbal aerobics.
Rhythm and sound
The writing favors patter-like bursts and punchy cadences rather than long melodic display. That choice matches the character: Samovar wins by talking, not by soaring. On a cast recording, you can hear the number shaped as theatre comedy, with crisp ensemble punctuation around the lead, like a band marking the end of each rhetorical flourish.
Emotional arc
There is a small arc inside the bluster. First comes self-announcement, then persuasion, then the hint of threat tucked inside charm. The audience laughs because the tactics are transparent. The widow should slam the door, but the genre will not allow it. That tension is the joke.
Historical touchpoints
The Ukraine half is not staged as documentary realism. It is a fantasy of "old movie" comic behavior, built from Marx Brothers patterns and the bones of Chekhov. The show signals this openly, so the audience can enjoy the imitation without needing a scholarly toolkit.
Technical Information (Quick Facts)
- Artist: Original Broadway Cast (David Garrison as Samovar)
- Featured: Solo with company support
- Composer: Frank Lazarus
- Release Date: May 1, 1980 (Broadway opening reference); January 1, 1991 (common DRG catalog edition date on digital services)
- Genre: Musical theatre comedy; patter-driven character song
- Instruments: Pit orchestra (comic accents, brass punctuation, rhythm section)
- Label: DRG Records
- Mood: Brash, charming, pushy
- Length: 4:06
- Track #: 9 (commonly listed on digital track lists)
- Language: English
- Album (if any): A Day in Hollywood / A Night in the Ukraine (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
- Music style: Character-introduction showcase with fast verbal timing
- Poetic meter: Accentual patter with list-like phrasing and punch-line cadences
Frequently Asked Questions
- Who is Samovar in the show?
- He is Serge B. Samovar, a lawyer modeled on Groucho Marx, built to talk his way through every locked door.
- Where does the number appear?
- It appears in Act 2, early in the Ukraine half, after the entr'acte framing.
- What is Samovar trying to do in the scene?
- Collect a specific debt from Madame Pavlenko, and refuse every attempt to delay or dismiss him.
- Is this a solo or an ensemble piece?
- It is a solo-forward character number with company punctuation and response, shaped to spotlight the lead comic voice.
- How is it connected to Chekhov?
- The farce uses The Bear as its base situation: a visitor arrives to demand payment and sparks an escalating confrontation.
- Why does it feel like a movie routine?
- Because Act 2 is staged as a film parody, and the writing borrows Marx Brothers timing: fast setups, faster pivots, and a lead who never runs out of air.
- Is the track the same in every recorded edition?
- Listings are consistent about its presence, though digital services sometimes attach modern catalog metadata that can confuse credits.
- Who performs it on the Broadway cast album?
- David Garrison is credited for the track on cast-album documentation.
- Does the number advance plot or just show character?
- Both. It introduces the debt-collection premise while showing exactly how Samovar will pursue it: charm first, persistence always.
- What should an actor prioritize in performance?
- Clarity of text and control of pace. The humor depends on the audience catching the logic even as the character tries to outrun it.
Awards and Chart Positions
This track is not documented as a standalone chart single. The parent show, however, had a loud awards footprint. As stated in the Concord Theatricals synopsis and corroborated by Broadway records, the Broadway production won two Tony Awards. The earlier London run also picked up a comedy prize from the Evening Standard Theatre Awards, which fits the piece: the Ukraine half is written to behave like a sustained comic set.
| Year | Award | Category | Result |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1979 | Evening Standard Theatre Awards | Best Comedy | Won |
| 1980 | Tony Awards | Best Featured Actress in a Musical (Priscilla Lopez) | Won |
| 1980 | Tony Awards | Best Choreography (Tommy Tune and Thommie Walsh) | Won |
Additional Info
One extra twist makes the song funnier in retrospect: the show drew legal heat because the Marx Brothers resemblance was not subtle. The Guardian obituary for Lazarus notes that rights claims reduced the creators' profits, which is the kind of backstage irony the Marx Brothers would have admired - a farce about a lawyer followed by real lawyers.
Also worth noting: digital services sometimes present the cast album under inconsistent metadata headings, which can make it look like a contemporary "soundtrack artist" release rather than a Broadway recording. For listeners hunting the track, the best anchor is the performer credit and the Act 2 placement in reputable theatre databases.
Key Contributors
| Subject | Relation | Object | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dick Vosburgh | wrote book and lyrics for | A Day in Hollywood / A Night in the Ukraine | Created the double-feature frame and the Act 2 parody language. |
| Frank Lazarus | composed | Samovar the Lawyer | Wrote the show score and this character-introduction number. |
| David Garrison | performed | Samovar (cast recording) | Credited singer for the track on cast-album documentation. |
| Anton Chekhov | wrote | The Bear | Source play that Act 2 refits as film-parody farce. |
| DRG Records | released | Original Broadway Cast Recording (catalog edition) | Label shown on later platform releases and YouTube distribution notes. |
| Internet Broadway Database | documents | Act 2 song list | Lists the track among the Act 2 sequence for touring documentation. |
| Concord Theatricals | licenses | the musical | Publishes a production synopsis and awards summary for the title. |
Sources
Sources: YouTube distribution note (DRG Records), Apple Music album track list, Discogs release track list, Internet Broadway Database song list, Concord Theatricals synopsis, Wikipedia production and song list, Breaking Character first-nights essay, The Guardian obituary for Frank Lazarus, Evening Standard Theatre Awards archive