Mr. Mistoffelees Lyrics
Mr. Mistoffelees
You ought to ask Mr. MistoffeleesThe original Conjuring Cat
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees's conjuring turn
Presto!
And you'll all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
He is quiet and small
He is black
From the ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always decieving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it was merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gone!
But you find it next week lying out on the lawn!
And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
His manner is vague and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But his voice has been heard on the roof
When he was curled up by the fire
And he's sometimes been heard by the fire
When he was about on the roof
(At least we all heard that somebody purred)
Which is uncontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers
And I've known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours
When he was asleep in the hall
And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Ladies and gentlemen
I give you the marvelous
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Presto!
Song Overview
“Mr. Mistoffelees (1982 Original Broadway Cast)” by the Original Broadway Cast of Cats is the glitter-bomb showstopper where Rum Tum Tugger bigs up a shy conjurer until the whole junkyard believes. A groove-led paean to stagecraft, its lyrics sketch a black cat with sleight-of-paw bravura, while the band struts in bright, brassy show-tune colors.
Personal Review
“Mr. Mistoffelees (1982 Original Broadway Cast)” hits like a curtain-lift and a wink. The song title lands early, and the lyrics take the idea of a “conjuring cat” and turn it into a crowd-rousing call-and-response. Key takeaways: it’s Tugger’s hype speech set to a tight 4/4 bounce, a dance showcase for Mistoffelees, and a reminder that Cats works best when it feels like a magic trick performed right under your nose. In one sentence: a bashful illusionist gets coaxed into legend, and the tribe sings him into becoming.
Song Meaning and Annotations
The message is simple: belief is contagious. Rum Tum Tugger narrates the legend, the company echoes the tagline, and the lyrics frame Mistoffelees as the quiet cat whose tricks keep escalating until the impossible feels normal. The rhythm keeps it buoyant - a pop-funk lilt inside classic show-tune writing.
The character springs from T. S. Eliot’s Old Possum poems, and Andrew Lloyd Webber shapes that verse into stage energy. On the page, he’s “the original conjuring cat”; onstage, he becomes the dancer who can set the theater alight. The tuxedo look is practical - black-and-white reads better under lights than pure black - and the Broadway costume famously packed tiny bulbs that flash on cue.
Fans have long joked about the “seven kittens out of a hat” line and what it implies. Some take the lyrics literally; others file it under stage illusion. Either way, the show treats it as punchline and proof - a topper in Tugger’s patter that keeps the myth spinning.
Context matters. In the 1998 filmed stage version, the number stays a dance-and-hype set piece. In Tom Hooper’s 2019 film, it shifts to a rescue spell where Mistoffelees must conjure Old Deuteronomy back, turning the chant into a confidence engine. Same song, different dramatic pressure.
Creation history threads back to a fascinating footnote: before the West End premiere, Polydor serviced a promo single of “Magical Mr. Mistoffelees” sung by Paul Nicholas, then Rum Tum Tugger in London. That cut later surfaced on compilations and underscores how early Lloyd Webber was seeding the hook beyond the theater.
On Broadway, the track features Terrence Mann as Tugger and Timothy Scott as Mistoffelees, and the album rode Geffen Records’ push. The recording’s clarity puts the chant front and center and leaves room for that mid-tempo strut. The lyrics repeat by design - a chant that doubles as choreography cue.
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever?
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Production lore calls the solo the “Conjuring Turn” - a burst of 24 fouettés that separates the dancers from the dreamers. It’s the movement analogue to the song’s rising stakes: one more spin, one more trick, one more cheer.
Style-wise, it’s show tunes meeting pop shuffle. Brass and rhythm section jab at the downbeats while the chorus stacks like a football chant. Cultural touchpoint: Eliot’s nameplay dances with Mephistopheles, but the musical leans less devilry and more razzle-dazzle.
Verse Highlights
Verse 1
The opening sets up the conjurer’s skill list - cards, dice, stealth - and frames the cat as smaller than life until the chorus crowns him larger than legend. The lyrics juggle sly bragging with eyewitness chatter.
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he’s only hunting for mice
Chorus
The chant - “Oh! Well, I never!” - is theater’s version of a terrace song, easy to latch onto, built for repetition, designed to turn an audience into a choir. On Broadway it’s Mann’s swagger against the company’s gleam.
Bridge/Break
Here the dancing takes over. The lights go hyper; the meter breathes around the turns; you feel the room tilt into that final run of choruses. Onstage, this is where Mistoffelees graduates from rumor to proof.
Key Facts
- Featured: Terrence Mann as Rum Tum Tugger; Timothy Scott featured in the dance role of Mistoffelees.
- Producer: Andrew Lloyd Webber.
- Composer: Andrew Lloyd Webber.
- Lyric source: T. S. Eliot’s “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats”.
- Release Date: January 26, 1983.
- Genre: Show tunes with pop-funk accents.
- Instruments: orchestra with brass, woodwinds, strings, keyboards, guitar, bass, drums, percussion.
- Label: Geffen Records.
- Mood: celebratory, vaudeville-flavored, high-gloss.
- Length: 4:25 (album track).
- Track #: 18 on “Cats: Complete Original Broadway Cast Recording”.
- Language: English.
- Album: Cats: Complete Original Broadway Cast Recording (1982 Original Broadway Cast).
- Music style: chant-driven chorus, dance-break centerpiece.
- Costume note: Broadway jacket embedded with miniature bulbs to “spark” onstage.
- ©/?: © 1983 The Really Useful Group Ltd.; ? 1983 The Really Useful Group Ltd. (licence to Universal Music Operations on digital issues).
Songs Exploring Themes of Magic and Showmanship
While “Mr. Mistoffelees (1982 Original Broadway Cast)” polishes its tricks with a grin, other theater songs chase similar sparks from different angles.
“Defying Gravity” - Wicked. Magic meets manifesto. Where Mistoffelees’ lyrics build community belief, Elphaba’s flight is solitary defiance. The groove swells into a wall of sound, and the voice rides it like a broom across the mezzanine. Different vibe, same alchemy - witness a persona forged in front of you.
“Friend Like Me” - Aladdin. Here the magician is the emcee. The patter is faster, the swing is jazzier, and the spectacle is built into the orchestration. Compared with Tugger’s call-and-response, Genie’s brag is vaudeville on a sugar rush, but both numbers make the crowd complicit in the miracle.
“The Confrontation” - Jekyll & Hyde. Not magic, but it feels like a spell, as two voices split and collide inside one body. Where Mistoffelees glitters, this one broods. Yet both hinge on belief: you buy what you hear, or the trick dies on contact.
Questions and Answers
- Who actually sings on the Original Broadway track?
- Rum Tum Tugger leads the vocals - notably Terrence Mann on the 1983 Geffen release - while Mistoffelees is primarily showcased as a dancer.
- Is there an official single of “Mr. Mistoffelees” outside the cast albums?
- Yes - a Paul Nicholas recording was issued as a Polydor promo in late 1980 tied to the London production’s launch and later resurfaced on Lloyd Webber compilations.
- What’s the famous dance move everyone talks about?
- The “Conjuring Turn” - traditionally 24 fouettés in a row - a stamina test that turns the junkyard into a cheering section.
- Why is Mistoffelees often a tuxedo cat when the lyrics call him black?
- Visibility and sparkle. Under stage lights, black-and-white reads better, and Broadway costumes even embedded tiny bulbs to punctuate the magic.
- How did the 2019 film use the song differently?
- It repurposed the chant as a self-belief spell to bring Old Deuteronomy back, shifting the number from a brag to a plea that grows into triumph.
Awards and Chart Positions
The Broadway cast album that contains “Mr. Mistoffelees (1982 Original Broadway Cast)” won the Grammy for Best Cast Show Album and went Platinum in the US, peaking at no. 131 on the Billboard 200 with higher peaks in Austria and New Zealand. The Cats production itself took seven Tony Awards in 1983, including Best Musical and Best Original Score.
How to Sing?
Lead duties fall to Rum Tum Tugger - typically a high baritone with rock bite - while the chorus stacks bright, punchy vowels for projection. In many productions the number sits in an F-ish major center and a mid-tempo 4/4 that feels around the 80–90 bpm pocket. Breath plan: treat each “Oh! Well, I never!” as a reset, then support the rising repetitions so the chant doesn’t flatten. If you’re tackling Mistoffelees’ brief lines, keep them nimble and tucked - the dance sells the rest.