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On The App Lyrics Two Strangers

On The App Lyrics

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[Dougal & Robin (Both)]
Jake
No, he's fake
Shame
Vincent
Boring
Duncan
Same
Rick the dick machine
What's wrong with Rick the dick machine?
I don't think Rick the dick machine is actually his name

Cedric
No
Rohit
No
Cho Cho
No
Aw, Cedric
Again?

Chuck
No
Drake
No
Chet
No
Brad
No
Rod
No

Joe
No
Look at these magnificently underwhelming men
You have no idea
He shaves his chest
He loves his booze
His beard
His shoes
His vibe
His views
He lives in queens
He rips his jeans
That's way too many neck tattoos
He says he's my soulmate
I'm thinking... he isn't?

He's dressed like a wizard
He's holding a lizard
And not to be judgemental but he's currently in prison

Attention seeking narcists who seem to think they're geniuses
And though you never ask, insist on showing you their penises
Insatiable Lotharios
Fellatial scenarios
And overbearing, oversharing, earring-wearing Casanovas

Please Jesus on high
Don't let her die alone
There must be a decent, available guy somewhere inside this phone
What about Cody?
Cody?
Cody could be fun
He's terrible at spelling and he seems to have a gun
He's Scorpio
Scorpio is dangerous
So what? He's fascinating
Absolutely not

What about Zachary?
Zachary?
Zachery's OK
Zachary is married with a baby on the way
How did you...
He's lying and his name is really Joe
Yeah, but how did you...
Don't ask me how I know

Help God if you can (Help this poor girl)
No need to be so mean (No need to be so mean)
There must be a vaguely acceptable man, trapped in this tiny machine (Oh, tiny machine)

What about Rudy?
Careful, Rudy is a shock
Well, you must admit that Rudy has a photogenic...
Stop
Admittedly it's...
No
You can really see the...
Hey
It's beautiful
Just take that thing away
What about Justin?
Justin, sweet Justin, he loves his dog
He's gorgeous, he swiped me too
Ugh, who am I kidding? He's out of my league
Don't say that
Sure he's big and handsome, but so are you
Although, you did message him at 3am to ask if his dog is single
I know, stupid drunk Robin

Please Jesus on high (Trust me, it's fine)
Just give me back my phone (Everything's under control)
There must be a halfly acceptable man (There must a slightly less horrible man)
There must be a clean and convenient man (He must be here somewhere)
There must be a decent available guy
Somewhere in New York

Song Overview

On The App lyrics by Buchan & Barne
Sam Tutty and Dujonna Gift sling the 'On The App' lyrics in the official West End performance clip.

“On The App” is the swipe-happy duet that turns a subway ride into a roast of modern dating. It lands as track 4 on the Original London Cast Recording and clocks just over three minutes, with production and orchestrations by Lux Pyramid shaping the pop-lean pit-band sheen.

Review & Highlights

Scene from On The App by Buchan & Barne
'On The App' in the official West End LIVE video.

Review

The song is wickedly specific and fast on its feet. Dougal and Robin doomscroll through potential dates while the band snaps like a turnstile - crisp kit, piano stabs, and a bright top-line that lets jokes land without stepping on the groove. The lyrics fire off mini character sketches - names, red flags, immediate disqualifiers - and the counterpoint patter sets up clean two-hander comedy. On record, the vocal sits forward and radio-ready; onstage, the quips ping-pong with relish.

Plot

This is the subway scene where a dating app becomes the third character. Robin hands over her phone; Dougal filters the chaos, sometimes helpfully, often not. Swipe by swipe, we learn what she fears (settling) and what he believes (someone good is in there somewhere). By the button they’ve mapped out her type, his optimism, and the city’s talent for serving options with a side of absurdity.

Creation History

The number appeared publicly in West End performance videos during the Criterion Theatre run, then on the Original London Cast album released July 26, 2024. It was not part of the earlier eight-track Studio Cast EP, which served as a teaser before the full album. Lux Pyramid handled orchestrations and produced the cast recording.

Key takeaways

  • Contemporary dating satire with Broadway timing - the laughs ride the rhythm, not over it.
  • Two-character vocal writing keeps agency balanced and the comedy collaborative.
  • Production favors clarity so every punchline and side-eye reads in earbuds and in the house.

Song Meaning and Annotations

Dujonna Gift and Sam Tutty performing On The App
Performance energy on the Criterion stage.

Under the gags, “On The App” sketches out loneliness by negative space. Every swipe is a tiny no; the pileup becomes a portrait. That’s why the laughter feels a touch rueful - the song knows the difference between choice and connection.

Musically, it’s contemporary MT fused with pop-comedy patter. Tight eighth-note motion anchors the verses, while quick rests leave room for reactions - those audience giggles become part of the percussion. The chorus widens into chant-like hooks so the crowd can jump on.

The emotional arc is a zig-zag. Robin wants control - boundaries, filters, rules - but she also wants surprise. Dougal wants to help, and possibly to prove that optimism is a skill. The duet frames both without making either the punchline.

Culture-wise, the song is 2020s to the bone: app vernacular, astrological shorthand, and the micro-genres of red flags (neck tattoos, prison selfies, pet-forward profiles). It’s not sneering at online dating; it’s cataloguing the performance of self that apps reward.

Text technique matters here. The writers stack alliteration and internal rhymes to keep the scroll kinetic - quick cuts that mimic thumb speed. The rhyme jokes land because the rhythm never wobbles.

And yes, there’s a low-key tenderness hidden in the roast. When Robin quietly labels someone “out of my league,” Dougal snaps back a compliment that isn’t fluffy - it’s corrective. The friendship seed gets watered in a joke about a dog. That’s good writing.

Shot of On The App by Buchan & Barne
Short moment from the West End LIVE capture.
Production, instrumentation, color

Lux Pyramid’s orchestrations keep the palette nimble: rhythm section up front, keys and winds punctuating like reaction shots. The mix on streaming puts vocal story first, with just enough gloss to sit alongside pop playlists.

Placement in the show

Slotting fourth, the track arrives after Dougal’s wide-eyed city anthem and Robin’s morning self-audit. It flips the frame from big-city myth to small-screen reality, while nudging their chemistry forward. The album’s sequencing and the live clip align: this scene is the icebreaker.

Key Facts

  • Artist: Two Strangers (Carry A Cake Across New York) company - vocals by Sam Tutty & Dujonna Gift
  • Composers/Lyricists: Jim Barne & Kit Buchan
  • Producer/Orchestrations: Lux Pyramid
  • First official release: July 26, 2024 on the Original London Cast album
  • Not on the EP: Absent from the Feb 21, 2024 Studio Cast EP
  • Length: 3:13
  • Label/Rights: If I Believed Ltd
  • Track #: 4 on the Original London Cast Recording
  • Genre: musical theatre - pop
  • Instruments: rhythm section, piano/keys, winds, light guitars
  • Language: English
  • Mood: cheeky, caffeinated, conspiratorial

Questions and Answers

Who produced and orchestrated “On The App”?
Lux Pyramid, credited on the cast album and live production materials.
When did “On The App” first appear on an official release?
With the Original London Cast Recording on July 26, 2024 - it isn’t on the earlier Studio Cast EP.
Where does it sit in the show?
Fourth - the subway sequence where Robin and Dougal triage her dating app together.
Is there a notable video performance to watch?
Yes - the West End LIVE performance from the Criterion run captures the comic timing beautifully.
Who sings it in London?
Sam Tutty and Dujonna Gift on the cast recording and in the Criterion Theatre run.

Awards and Chart Positions

UK Official Charts - album peaks: the Original London Cast Recording reached no. 28 on the Official Album Downloads Chart and no. 14 on the Official Soundtrack Albums Chart in August 2024.

On The App video thumbnail
West End LIVE capture - fast quips, faster thumbs.

Music video


Two Strangers Lyrics: Song List

  1. New York
  2. What’ll It Be
  3. Dad
  4. On The App
  5. This Is The Place
  6. Under The Misletoe
  7. Be Happy
  8. American Express
  9. The Hangover Duet
  10. He Doesn't Exist
  11. What Did You Say?
  12. About To Go In
  13. This Year
  14. Dearly Beloved
  15. If I Believed

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