Haus of Holbein Lyrics - Six

Song Overview

Song Credits

• Featured: Renée Lamb, Christina Modestou, Natalie Paris, Genesis Lynea, Aimie Atkinson, Izuka Hoyle
• Producer: Kenny Wax
• Writers: Lucy Moss, Toby Marlow
• Release Date: September 12, 2018
• Album: Six: The Musical (Studio Cast Recording)
• Genre: Eurodance, Hi-NRG, Pop, Musical Theatre
• Language: English (with German phrases)
• Label: Ex-Wives Ltd / Kenny Wax Ltd
• Copyrights © 2018 Ex-Wives Ltd / Kenny Wax Ltd

Song Meaning and Annotations

Welcome to the Haus of Holbein

Step right in. The Haus of Holbein isn’t just a quirky lyric—it’s a time-warped fusion of 16th-century royal portraiture and 21st-century fashion satire. “Haus” echoes the flair of modern fashion powerhouses like Versace or Prada, while the “Holbein” roots us in Tudor reality: Hans Holbein the Younger, famed painter of Henry VIII’s court.

This isn’t your typical gallery—it’s runway meets monarchy, with a side of German electro-pop.

Hans Holbein goes around the world / Painting all of the beautiful girls

Sure, the line claims “around the world,” but Holbein wasn’t exactly a globetrotter. He was Europe-famous, not world-famous. The Americas and Australia? Still blank spots on European maps. But within Europe’s gilded courts, Holbein’s brush was gold.

From Spain / To France / And Germany

A rapid-fire geography of Henry’s love life. Catherine of Aragon from Spain. Anne Boleyn was raised in France. Anne of Cleves? German through and through. The lineup of queens doubles as a Euro-tour.

The king chooses one / But which one will it be?

Think of this as The Bachelor, Tudor Edition. Henry orders portraits like Tinder swipes—except with oil and canvas. One suitor, Christina of Milan, famously said she’d only marry Henry if she had two heads. (Oof. That’s not just shade. That’s medieval SPF 100.)

You bring the corsets / We'll bring the cinches

Corsets and cinches: the armor of femininity. But historically, they weren’t the lacy waist-suckers we think of today. The queens would’ve worn “stays,” precursors to corsets—less about sex appeal, more about spine-snapping elegance.

And “cinch”? A modern twist. The word didn’t exist in their time. It’s a cheeky anachronism—mixing history with modern beauty standards.

No one wants a waist over nine inches

Absurdity played for laughs. A nine-inch waist is literally impossible, but that’s the point. This is a grotesque exaggeration of body expectations, and it slaps you with satire. The pun doubles down: “nein” (no in German) becomes “nine.” No room for natural bodies. Nein, indeed.

So what, the makeup contains lead poison?

Welcome to the toxic beauty standards of the Tudor era. Literally. Lead and mercury were commonly used in makeup to achieve that ghostly pale look that screamed wealth. Even urine had its moment, used to bleach skin and hair.

Danger wasn’t a bug in the system. It was the design.

At least your complexion will bring all the boys in

Who drops this line? Katherine Howard. The one queen whose story is steeped in being desired—and dismissed. Her delivery? Sharp, knowing, and tragically foreshadowed.

Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine / We’ll turn this vier into a nine

A pun-packed punchline. “Vier” means “four” in German, and conveniently rhymes with “fear.” So the queens are promising a glow-up so powerful it erases insecurity—and upgrades your rating. It’s comedy, but with a sting: beauty through suffering is the price of admission.

So just say ‘ja’ and don’t say ‘nein’

Peer pressure, 16th-century style. You’re in the club now—don’t fight the system. It’s a glamorized warning dressed up in techno beats and wigs.

We know what all the best inventions are / To hold everything up

Translation: we’ve got the tools to fake the perfect body. From busts to backsides, the queens are walking wireframes. And the “wunderbar” that follows? It’s a pun on the Wonderbra—centuries ahead of its time, but fully in theme.

From your bladder

Yes, Jane Seymour just said that. Urine-based hair dye. It’s gross, but historically accurate. The path to golden locks went straight through your plumbing.

Try these heels, so high it's naughty / But we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty

High heels: the sexy shoe that maims. The queens know the drill—you might turn heads today, but you’ll limp through tomorrow.

This isn’t just costuming. It’s a critique of how fashion punishes women while pretending to empower them.

Where Vogue Meets Versailles

“Haus of Holbein” isn’t just a brief interlude — it’s a neon-lit satire smeared in foundation and dipped in lead. With its pulsing Eurodance beat and runway-ready chants of “Ja, ooh ja, das ist gut,” this number reimagines the infamous portrait session of Anne of Cleves as a twisted episode of *Project Runway*, 16th-century style.

Beauty, But Make It Brutal

The lyrics jab sharp and fast:

“You bring the corsets / We’ll bring the cinches / No one wants a waist over nine inches”

These aren't just funny fashion quips. They’re razor-thin jabs at historical beauty standards — grotesquely narrow (literally and figuratively). The queens mock the absurd expectations placed on royal women, highlighting the extreme measures taken just to be deemed “worthy” of a man's gaze — or throne.

Painted Lies and Cosmetic Cruelty

Holbein, historically known for his flattering portrait of Anne of Cleves, becomes a proxy for media manipulation:

“We must make sure the princesses look great / When their time comes for the Holbein portrait”

It’s a 500-year-old catfish. Henry’s disappointment in Anne was supposedly due to Holbein’s overly idealized rendering. Here, the cast flips that narrative, suggesting the women were polished like products, judged like runway models, and ultimately discarded based on appearances.

Satire with a Shimmer

The song's style — Eurodance with aggressive synths and a rave tempo — feels intentionally out of era, jarring and humorous. Think Kraftwerk meets RuPaul's Drag Race by way of the Tudor court. This anachronism isn’t accidental — it underscores how ridiculous and persistent these beauty expectations remain, even centuries later.

“Try these heels, so high it’s naughty / But we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty”

Pain for prettiness, historical edition. And yes — they were dead serious.

Similar Songs

1. “Fashion!” – Lady Gaga: Both songs inhabit the glitter-drenched absurdity of fashion culture. Gaga's over-the-top vocals and “walk, walk fashion baby” glamour echo the exaggerated parody in “Haus of Holbein,” where beauty becomes its brutal regime.
2. “Material Girl” – Madonna: Madonna’s commentary on consumerism and feminine image parallels the queens’ satire of cosmetic oppression. Both women (and queens) play the role expected of them, but with tongues planted firmly in cheek.
3. “All That Jazz” – from Chicago: While stylistically different, both songs wink at glamour, performance, and danger. The showbiz razzle in “All That Jazz” masks darker themes, just as “Haus of Holbein” hides its critique behind club beats and comically thick German accents.

Questions and Answers

What is the meaning of “Haus of Holbein” in SIX?

It’s a satirical jab at historical and modern beauty standards, portraying the portrait process of Anne of Cleves as a fashion makeover farce.

Why is the song in a Eurodance style?

The high-energy beat contrasts sharply with the lyrics' dark humor. The genre adds a modern, exaggerated aesthetic to highlight the ridiculousness of cosmetic expectations.

Who was Holbein, and why is he mentioned?

Hans Holbein was the portraitist who painted Anne of Cleves. His idealized image may have contributed to Henry VIII’s disappointment — and rapid annulment.

What is the role of satire in the lyrics?

It exposes the harsh, dehumanizing standards forced on women, especially in positions of power. The humor masks critique — until you really listen.

What does “vier into a nine” mean?

“Vier” is German for four — the joke implies that through extreme makeover, a woman judged a “four” could be made into a “nine,” poking fun at superficial transformation culture.

Fan and Media Reactions

“This song makes me laugh, dance, and question 500 years of toxic fashion culture. Iconic.”

– @corsetcritiques

“Haus of Holbein is like if Aqua wrote a diss track about the patriarchy.”

– @europopqueen

“It’s short, it’s savage, and it slaps. Honestly, perfection.”

– @miniskirtmanifesto

“The only makeover montage I need. The wigs. The waistlines. The German.”

– @ravesandroyals

“A reminder that beauty has always been weaponized against women. Also, banger alert.”

– @historywithheels Fashion fades, but satire in neon stays fabulous. “Haus of Holbein” is a quick costume change and a sharp critique in disguise.