I’m Telling a Terrible Story Lyrics — Pirates of Penzance, The

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I'm telling a terrible story,
But it doesn’t diminish my glory;
For they would have taken my daughters
Over the billowy waters,
If I hadn’t, in elegant diction,
Indulged in an innocent fiction;
Which is not in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story.

[FREDERIC & CHORUS OF PIRATES]
If he’s telling a terrible story
He shall die by a death that is gory,
Yes, one of the cruellest slaughters
That ever were known in these waters;
It is easy, in elegant diction,
To call it an innocent fiction;
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story.
It's easy, in elegant diction,
To call it an innocent fiction;
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story.

[CHORUS OF PIRATES]
He's telling a terrible story,
Which will tend to diminish his glory;
Tho' they would have taken his daughters
Over the billowy waters,
 
It's easy, in elegant diction,

To call it an innocent fiction;
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story.
It's easy, in elegant diction,
To call it an innocent fiction;
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story.

[PIRATE KING]
Although our dark career
Sometimes involves the crime of stealing,
We rather think that we’re
Not altogether void of feeling.
Although we live by strife,
We’re always sorry to begin it,
For what, we ask, is life
Without a touch of Poetry in it?

[FREDERIC, PIRATE KING & CHORUS OF PIRATES]
Hail, Poetry, thou heav’n-born maid!
Thou gildest e’en the pirate’s trade.
Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!
All hail, all hail, Divine Emollient!

[PIRATE KING]
You may go, for you’re at liberty, our pirate rules protect you,
And honorary members of our band we do elect you!
Last Update: November, 06th 2025