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Musical: Evil Dead
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All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons Annie: All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons Ash: “All the men in your life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons.” Annie: First there was Ed, a really nice guy. Didn’t talk too much but I didn’t mind. I was all set to marry him, but before we could consummate Ed was killed by a Candarian Demon. Ash & Scott: “Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon” Annie: Then it was Daddy Ash & Scott: “Daddy” Annie: Who I could count on. Ash & Scott: “Awoo” Annie: “He loved to read the Necronomicon” Ash & Scott: “Book of the Dead” Annie: He also enjoyed playing board games. But he can’t sink my battleship now ‘cause Dad was killed by a Candarian Demon. Ash & Scott: “Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon” Annie: They say love is cruel and I believe them, my heart’s always broken. ‘Cause the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons. Why? Scott: I don’t know. Ash: Annie baby, I know it seems bad now: it always does! But I think you’re exaggerating a touch Sugar Bean. I mean, sure, your father and fiancé were killed by Candarian Demons, but that’s only two men, isn’t it? I mean there’s no way that ALL the men in your life could have been killed by Candarian Demons! Annie: Oh, no? It was high school Ash & Scott: “High School” Annie: Senior prom. Ash & Scott: “Oh yeah!” Annie: Going with my steady Howie Brown. Ash & Scott: “Howie Brown” Annie: A perfect night Ash & Scott: Howie Brown? Annie: Like I always dreamed. Ash & Scott: A little girl’s dream… Annie: But when “Stairway to Heaven” began Howe was killed by (damn!) a Candarian Demon. Ash & Scott: “Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon” Annie: All my college boyfriends and my one-night stands! My male co-workers and platonic gay friends. Gay Friends: “Hey!” Annie: Every date I go on ends in demon bloodshed. And now that I’ve met you two guys I know you’ll soon be dead! Scott: What the f--? Annie: They say love is cruel (Shoop shoo-wa) and I believe them (Shoop shoo-wa), my heart’s always broken. ‘Cause the men in my life—and I mean ALL the men (in my life) EVERY single man!—in my life, keeps getting killed by Candarian Demons! Ash: Candarian Demons Scott: Oo-ee-oo-oo! [Thanks to Steven Plagman for lyrics]
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