Big Fat No Lyrics – Mrs. Doubtfire

[STUART]
Can you help me out, Mrs. Doubtfire?
I think of Miranda, well
Constantly
I'm a man on a mission
I need a woman's intuition
Do you think that she
Feels the same about me?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
No

[STUART]
What?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
No

[STUART]
No?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
That wouldn't work at all

[STUART]
I thought I felt the connection
[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
No, no!
No, no!
No!
You're too tall

And too British
Too well chiseled
Too Brad Pitt-ish
No!

[STUART]
Are you sure?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
No! Dear, you're not her type!

[STUART]
Well, I sorta thought I was

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
If she saw you on the tinder
She'd do a left swipe

[STUART]
I thought that
I could be the sorta guy
That she deserves
Give her everything
She never got
From that lame ?x-husband of hers
[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
No!

[STUART]
Huh

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Poppet, you're way off bas?

[STUART]
I thought I was reading the signs

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Well, you've read them wrong
It's just not so!
It's a big fat no!

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE, spoken]
Miranda is still in recovering from her divorce dear
Give it time
A decade maybe?

[STUART]
But I just can't contain it
I simply adore her!
I'd do anything for her!
That's the honest truth
She is someone I think
I could fit like a glove with!
And I think I'm in love with her
And I think she's feeling it too!
[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Wrong!

[STUART]
Really?
Why?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Could be the way you walk
And not to mention how you sound
When you talk
It's rather cloying
What's that word she used..

[STUART]
Sweet?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Annoying!

[STUART]
No!

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Yes!

[STUART]
But she said my accent was hot

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Oh! She didn't
Well that's the thing about Miranda
See, she lies a lot

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE, spoken]
Like, she probably told you
You looked good in those tight pants
But you don't dear
Two words
Moose Knuckle

[STUART]
Moose- what?

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
It's too soon
For you to swoon and prude
She's not ready, I can tell
And what if Dan and Miranda's
Flame is re-fanned?

[STUART]
Uh, she told me there's no chance in hell

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Oh?

[STUART]
So
That's not an option now

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Oh, really?

[STUART]
And if he thinks it is
I'll tell him it's not so
That's a big fat no!

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
Miranda really said Daniel has no chance?

[STUART]
She needs someone to
Go dancing through life with!

[GYM MEMBERS]
He's right on his feet

[STUART]
Someone who
Will listen
When she needs an ear

[GYM MEMBERS]
He's a really good listener

[STUART]
Someone who
Pays attention

[STUART & GYM MEMBERS]
Someone who's
Strong but sensitive
And sincere
Women like sincerity

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
But, do you mind?
I think I know what women like
We also like a man with good sense humor
Which sorry to say, you don't have
Nothing personal dear
You're just really boring

[GYM MEMBERS]
No!

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE, spoken]
Who are you?!

[GYM MEMBERS]
Well, he's an awesome bloke!

[STUART]
Aw, thanks guys!

[GYM MEMBERS]
A fellow you could chew
The fat-cracker joke
Or have a tea with
Guys wanna be
And gals wanna be with

[STUART]
So

[GYM MEMBERS]
So-oh-oh

[STUART]
You say, I'm not that guy?

[GYM MEMBERS]
So-oh-oh

[STUART]
Guess, you'd be telling me
That I'm just a fool
For going for it?

[GYM MEMBERS]
Ooh!

[STUART]
Thanks for the advice!

[GYM MEMBERS]
But he'll ignore it

[STUART]
I'm holding out hope
Should I let that go?

[GYM MEMBERS]
Should he let that go!
Should he let that go!

[MRS.DOUBTFIRE]
I think maybe so

[STUART & GYM MEMBERS]
That's a big fat no!
Last Update: May, 21st 2025