Ladies and Gentlemen, A Toast!/How I Saved Roosevelt Lyrics — Assassins
Ladies and Gentlemen, A Toast!/How I Saved Roosevelt Lyrics
That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt,
ladies and gentlemen, speaking to a crowd
of supporters here in Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park.
A group of notables are pressing in around
the President-elect's car.
There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago, and-
There's been a shot! I can't see-wait!
Mr. Roosevelt is waving! He's all right!
But Mayor Cermak has been hit!
The police have somebody in custody. An immigrant.
Giuseppe Zangara.
We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses
who will tell us what they saw!
[BYSTANDER #1]
We're crowded up close,
And I see this guy,
He's squeezing by,
I catch his eye,
I say to him, "Where do you
Think you are trying to go, boy?
Whoa, boy!"
I say, "Listen, you runt,
You're not pulling that stunt,
No gentleman pushes his way to the front."
I say, "Move to the back!", which he does
with a grunt-
Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
[BYSTANDER #2]
Then-
Well, I'm in my seat,
I get up to clap,
I feel this tap,
I turn-this sap,
He says he can't see,
I say, "Find a lap
And go sit on it!"
Which is how I saved-
[BYSTANDER #3]
Then-
He started to swear
And he climbed on a chair,
He was aiming a gun-I was standing right there-
So I pushed it as hard as I could in the air,
Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
[ALL THREE]
Lucky I was there-
[BYSTANDER #1]
That's why he was standing back so far-!
[BYSTANDER #3]
That's why when he aimed, He missed the car-!
[ALL THREE]
Just lucky I was there,
Or we'd have been left
Bereft of F.D.R.!
[ZANGARA]
You think that I scare?
No scare.
You think that I care?
No care.
I look at the world-
No good. No fair. Nowhere.
When I am boy,
No school.
I work in a ditch,
No chance.
The smart and the rich
Ride by,
Don't give no glance.
Ever since then, because of them,
I have the sickness in the stomach,
Which is the way I make my idea
To go out and kill Roosevelt.
First I was figure I kill Hoover,
I get even for the Stomach.
Only Hoover up in Washington.
Is wintertime in washington,
Too cold for the stomach in Washington-
I go down to Miami Kill Roosevelt.
No laugh!
No funny!
Men with the money,
they control everything.
Roosevelt, Hoover-
No make no difference.
You think I care who I kill?
I no care who I kill,
Long as it's King!
[BYSTANDER #4 (MAN)]
The crowd's breaking up
And I hear these shots,
And I mean lots-
[BYSTANDER #5 (HIS WIFE)]
I thought I'd plotz-
[MAN]
I spotted hi-
[WIFE]
My stomach was tied in knots-
[MAN]
So I barrelled-
[WIFE]
Harold-!
No, happened was this:
He was blowong a kiss-
[MAN]
She means Roosevelt-
[WIFE]
I was saying to Harold, "This weather is bliss!"
[MAN]
When you think that we might have missed seeing
Him miss-!
[BOTH]
Lucky we were there!
[WIFE]
It was a historical event-!
[MAN]
Worth every penny that we spent!
[BYSTANDERS]
Just lucky we were there!
[BYSTANDER #1]
To think, if I let him get up closer-!
[BYSTANDER #3]
I saw right awat he was insane_
Oh, this is my husband, we're from Maine-
[BYSTANDER #2]
He told me to sit, but I said, "No, Sir!"
[BYSTANDER #4]
This makes our vacation a real success!
[BYSTANDER #5]
Are you with the press?
[PHOTOGRAPHER]
Yes.
[BYSTANDER #5]
Oh God, I'm a mess...
[BYSTANDER #1]
Some left wing foreigner, that's my guess-
[ZANGARA]
No left!
You think I am left?
No left, no right,
No anything!
Only American!
Zangara have nothing,
No luck, no girl,
Zangara no smart, no school,
But Zangara no foreign tool,
Zangara American!
American nothing!
And why there no photographers?
For Zangara no photographers!
Only capitalists get photographers!
No
[BYSTANDERS]
Right!
Lucky
No fair
I was there!
Nowhere!
So what?
I'm on the front page-
Is that bizarre?
No sorry!
And all of those pictures,
Like a star!
And soon no
Just lucky I was there!
Zangara!
We might have been left
Who care?
Bereft of F.
Pull switch!
No care,
D.
No more,
No-
R.
Song Overview
On the 2004 Broadway cast album of Assassins, this moment lands as a one-two punch: a short barroom toast that turns the room sour, then a swaggering march that weaponizes public spectacle. The first piece is spoken, the second is sung - but together they feel like one continuous scene, sliding from small-time bragging into a national pageant with a body count.
Review and Highlights
Quick summary
- What it is: a dialogue lead-in followed by Zangara's showpiece, often heard back-to-back even though the 2004 album splits them into two tracks.
- Where it sits: early in Act I, after the assassins gather and the show starts mixing eras like a jukebox with a grudge.
- Who drives it: Guiteau and Booth help set the temperature in the bar, then Zangara takes over with the crowd and the Proprietor hovering nearby.
- Why this version matters: according to Playbill, the 2004 cast album keeps bits of spoken scene work, letting the satire arrive with its teeth already showing.
Assassins (2004) - cast recording - semi-diegetic. Track 3 functions like a staged bar exchange (0:00-1:03), and Track 4 flips to a radio-and-crowd frame that plays like live coverage (1:03-5:55). The switch matters because the number is not just "a song" - it is a machine that turns violence into a story people compete to narrate.
Musically, it is a bright, brassy march with a nasty grin. The band sounds like it could be leading a parade, yet the scene is an execution chamber and a swarm of bystanders mugging for attention. That contrast is the whole trick: the music suggests civic pride while the text keeps pointing at the cheapness of the moment - how quickly a crowd can turn catastrophe into a souvenir.
Creation History
The 2004 Broadway revival, staged by Roundabout Theatre Company under director Joe Mantello, leaned into the carnival framing, and its cast recording was released by PS Classics. According to Playbill, the album was recorded on June 7, 2004 and released on August 3, 2004, preserving the show's choice to include select dialogue cues alongside the score - including the bar sequence that tees up this number.
Song Meaning and Annotations
Plot
In the bar, the assassins circle each other like gamblers sizing up a table - part confession booth, part sales pitch. Then the show jumps to the attempted assassination of President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt. The crowd, framed like radio interviewees, insists each person played the deciding role in "saving" him, while Zangara appears headed for the electric chair, furious at his own invisibility and the way the story gets repackaged around him.
Song Meaning
This number is a sharp look at ownership: who "gets" the story after a public act of violence. The bystanders grab for reflected glory, the media frame smooths the mess into a tidy narrative, and Zangara - the man who fired the shots - is reduced to a problem the system processes. Under the jaunty march surface, the point is bleak: fame is treated like a prize wheel, and even tragedy becomes something people try to win.
Annotations
-
"Which is how I saved Roosevelt!"
The line lands like a punchline, but it is also a diagnosis: the crowd is auditioning for history, competing to be seen as decisive. The number treats that hunger for credit as contagious - passed microphone to microphone.
-
"American nothing"
The phrase is not just self-pity. It is class rage, aimed upward at "the men who control all the money" while admitting the speaker has no real leverage except the spectacle of violence.
-
"I no care no more"
Sondheim writes Zangara's English as jagged and percussive, and the rhythm makes the defiance feel physical - like a man shaking off fear by shaking off grammar.
Style and rhythm
The engine is march rhythm - snare drive, brass hits, crowd responses - and it is not shy about sounding like public ceremony. One of the more telling details is that analyses of the song's musical construction regularly point to John Philip Sousa references, with the march language doing double duty: it evokes American pageantry while also mocking how easily pageantry can absorb ugliness.
Public myth-making
The radio frame is not decoration. It is a commentary on how a crowd can flatten complexity into a clean headline, then rewrite itself into the headline. The number keeps cutting between "reporting" and Zangara's blunt worldview, so the listener hears the gap between how events are narrated and what they cost.
Character beat
Per the MTI study guide synopsis, the scene emphasizes that everyone believes they personally saved Roosevelt through some tiny action, while Zangara is shown in the electric chair, seething about status, photographers, and being treated like disposable noise. That staging logic is the heart of the song: the crowd gets a flattering fantasy, the assassin gets the switch.
Technical Information (Quick Facts)
- Song: Ladies and Gentlemen, A Toast!/How I Saved Roosevelt
- Artist: Assassins (2004 Broadway revival cast)
- Featured: Jeffrey Kuhn (Zangara), Marc Kudisch (Proprietor), ensemble; dialogue lead-in includes Denis O'Hare (Guiteau) and Michael Cerveris (Booth)
- Composer: Stephen Sondheim
- Producer: Tommy Krasker (PS Classics)
- Release Date: August 03, 2004
- Genre: Musical theatre
- Instruments: Vocals, brass, woodwinds, percussion, strings
- Label: PS Classics
- Mood: Sardonic, brassy, restless
- Length: 5:55 (combined scene plus song)
- Track #: 3-4 (on the 2004 Broadway cast recording)
- Language: English
- Album (if any): Assassins (The Broadway Cast Recording)
- Music style: March pastiche with radio crowd framing
- Poetic meter: Mixed meters (march phrasing with patter-like shifts)
Music video
Assassins Lyrics: Song List
- Everybody's Got the Right
- Ballad of Booth
- Ladies and Gentlemen, A Toast!/How I Saved Roosevelt
- What Does a Man Do...?
- The Gun Song
- Ballad of Czolgosz
- Unworthy of Your Love
- I Am a Terrifying and Imposing Figure...!/Ballad of Guiteau
- Have It Your Way
- Another National Anthem
- Take a Look Lee
- Something Just Broke
- Everybody's Got the Right (Finale)
- Other Songs
- Monologue for Leonard Bernstein