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Adding Machine: Musical script


Adding Machine script


ADDING MACHINE:
a musical

Composed by Joshua Schmidt
Libretto by Jason Loewith and Joshua Schmidt
based on the play The Adding Machine by Elmer Rice


Setting: Here and the afterlife, in an American city in the 1920s
Dramatis Personae
Zero
Mrs. Zero
Daisy
Shrdlu
Boss/Fixer/Charles (non-singing role)
CHORUS:
Soprano (Mrs. One/Mae/Prisoner’s Wife)
Alto (Mrs. Two/Betty/Matron)
Tenor (Mr. One/Prisoner)
Bass (Mr. Two/Prison Guard)
For formatting reasons, choral lines are not always complete in this script. Performers
should consult scores for accuracy.
2 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
Prologue: In Numbers
The Ensemble sings. ZERO and MRS. ZERO enter to their places during the Prologue.
In numbers
The mysteries of life can be revealed
In numbers
3 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
Scene 1: Something To Be Proud Of
MR. and MRS. ZERO are in bed. [Brackets indicate text in this scene is spoken rather than sung.]
MRS. ZERO
Mrs. Twelve
Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me,
“Mrs. Zero!”
Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me,
Only yesterday.
“Mrs. Zero!”
Says she.
[She says] “What I like is them love stories.
Them sweet little love stories.”
Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me,
Only yesterday.
“You’re right, Mrs. Twelve.”
Says I.
“That’s what I like too.
[I says]
What I like is them love stories.
Them sweet little love stories.
They’re sweet and wholesome.”
Mrs. Eight
Mrs. Eight was sayin’ to me,
“Mrs. Zero!”
Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me,
Only yesterday.
“Mrs. Zero!”
Says she.
She says
“A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made -
So sweet and wholesome!”
Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me,
“Don’t miss it!”
“An’ they got that big star,
Grace Darling -
So sweet and wholesome,
Starrin’ in that picture show.”
She says
“A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made -
So sweet and wholesome!
Grace Darling!
Don’t miss it!”
“Sure thing, Mrs. Eight,”
Says me.
The Eights seen it downtown.
They go downtown all the time.
Just like us -
Nit!
4 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
CHORUS
Mr. Zero, Zero (etc.)
MRS. ZERO
Mrs. Nine
Mrs. Nine was sayin’ to me,
“Mrs. Zero!”
Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me,
Only yesterday.
“Mrs. Zero!”
Says she.
“Grace Darling ain’t livin’ with her husband -
Ain’t livin’ with her husband!”
Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me.
Maybe it ain’t true.
“Some millionaire is crazy for her!”
You can’t believe all you read.
She looks so sweet and wholesome
So sweet and wholesome.
So sweet and…
CHORUS
The Eights go downtown
They go downtown all the time
They seen it downtown
They go downtown all the time
Just like us… (etc.)
MRS. ZERO
But you!
You could wait -
Till it comes uptown!
CHORUS
[But you wouldn’t go downtown –
They go downtown all the time!
not if wild horses was to drag you.
The Eights go downtown
You can wait till they come uptown!]
They go downtown all the time!
Not you!
You ain’t got the price! All the time!
“Gotta start savin…”
A FAT LOT you’ll ever save!
[You could dig up the price all right! The Eights go downtown
You always got the price for the ball game!] They go downtown all the time!
What about me?
Where do I come in?
I want to see ‘em
When they see ‘em.
5 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
[But when it comes to me havin’ a good time, CHORUS
then it’s always “No! They seen it downtown
I gotta start savin’” or “I ain’t got the price!”] They go downtown all the time!
What about me?
Where do I come in?
I wanna go downtown
They go downtown all the time!
[An’ don’t you go pullin’ that stuff about bein’ tired. They seen it downtown
Tired! Where do you get that tired stuff anyhow?] They go downtown all the time!
Scrubbin’ your floors,
Cookin’ your meals,
Washin’ your clothes!
What would you do,
Would you do without me?
MRS. ZERO
[Now don’t you go startin’ nuthin’ with other women – Scrubbin’ your floors
Not if you know what’s good for you! Cookin’ your meals
I put up with a lot around here! Washin’ your clothes
But I won’t put up with that!] What would you do
Would you do without her? (etc)
I was a fool!
A fool for marrying you!
I didn’t pick much
When I picked you.
You ain’t much to be proud of!
I was a fool She dreams of leaving you
A fool for marrying you! But she doesn’t have the nerve
I didn’t pick much when I picked you! The nerve
You ain’t much to be proud of! She doesn’t have the nerve.
MRS. ZERO/CHORUS
I was a fool!
A fool for marrying you
MRS. ZERO
I didn’t pick much when I picked you!
CHORUS
You ain’t much to be proud of!
She was a fool!
A fool for marrying you!
She didn’t pick much when she picked you!
You ain’t much to be proud of!
MRS. ZERO
6 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
Oh!
I was a fool.
A fool for marrying you.
I didn’t pick much when I picked you.
You ain’t much to be proud of.
As the last note fades away, we start to hear the sounds of the office – pencils on paper, sighs, coughs…
the low hum of a bookkeeping room at a large department store. The chorus and ZERO go to work.
7 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08
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Scene 2a: Harmony, Not Discord
The bookkeeping room of a large department store. Three women read lists of figures to three
men, who add them. Tensely quiet atmosphere of an office. See score for full and accurate
progression of the text. MAE speaks the slowest; DAISY speaks at twice MAE’s rate; BETTY
speaks twice DAISY’s rate.
DAISY
Eighty-seven cents
Ninety-seven cents
Twenty-seven cents
Sixteen sixty
Eighteen forty-nine
Dollar fourteen
Sixty-seven cents
Fourteen sixty
Eighty-seven cents
Ninety-seven cents
Twenty-seven cents
Fourteen sixty
Twenty-nine cents
Fifty-five cents
Fifteen cents
Fourteen sixty
Twenty-nine cents
Fifty-five cents
Fifteen cents
Fourteen sixty
(phrase repeats)
MAE
Four
fifty-nine
Eight
fifty-six
Three
sixty-nine
Four
sixty-two
Eight
seventy-five
Four
sixty-five
One hundred
nine…
Zero!
(phrase repeats)
BETTY
1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -
1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -
1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -
Eight-oh-one!
2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -
2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -
2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -
Twelve-oh-two!
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
Ugh!
3 & 4 & -
Not a single mistake!
(phrase repeats)
MR. TWO
Beer.
I need a beer.
What’s the time?
Beer.
I need a beer.
What’s the time?
(phrase repeats)
8
/ 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
DAISY
Eighty-seven cents
ninety-seven cents
Twenty-seven cents
Sixteen sixty
Fourteen forty-nine
A dollar fifteen
Sixty-seven cents
Fifty-two cents
Eighty-four cents
Fifteen cents
Forty-two cents
Fourteen fifteen
Eighty-seven cents
ninety-seven cents
Twenty-seven cents
Fourteen sixty
Fourteen forty-nine
A dollar fifteen
Twenty-seven cents
Fourteen sixty
Sixteen cents
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
ZERO
(ZERO, who has
been silent this
whole time, hears
voices in his mind
and joins in.)
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
MAE
Three
sixty-nine
Four
sixty-two
Eight
seventy-five
One hundred
nine
Zero!
Three
sixty-nine
Four
sixty-two
Eight
seventy-five
Four
sixty-five
One hundred
nine
Zero!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
MR. ONE
Girls all day…
I think of
Girls all day…
Blonds,
Brunettes…
With all their skin so
Smooth and soft and
their
Legs and their ruby
red
Lips and their hips!
Gee I’d like to
Kiss those lips, feel
those hips!
Boy I like them
Blonds or brunettes-
I don’t care which! I
just wanna feel
Those hips
Kiss those ruby red
Lips!
Gils! I just wanna
Feel!
Lips legs hips –
Lips legs hips –
Hot – WOW!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
BETTY
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
Eight-oh-one!
Ugh! 3 & 4 &
Not a single mistake!
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
Eight-oh-one!
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
1 & 3 & 4 &
Eight-twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
MR. TWO
Beer.
I need a beer.
What’s the time?
Beer.
I need a beer.
What’s the time.
Beer.
I need a beer.
What’s the time?
Beer.
I need to buy me a
Beer, or two, or four.
What’s the time?
Beer on the cheap –
Can someone
gimme a
Five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
9
The workers have reached a maximum of efficiency. ZERO, frustrated, stops it abruptly.
ZERO
Speed it up a little, cancha?
DAISY
What’s the rush?
Tomorrow’s another day.
ZERO
Aw, you make me sick.
DAISY
An’ you make me sicker.
ZERO
Go on. Go on. We’re losin’ time.
DAISY
Then quit bein’ so bossy.
Three dollars.
Two sixty-nine.
Eighty-one fifty.
Forty dollars.
Who do you think you are anyhow?
ZERO
Never mind that.
You tend to your work.
DAISY
Aw, don’t be given so many orders.
Sixty cents.
Twenty-four cents.
Seventy-five cents.
A dollar fifty.
I don’t have to take it from you and what’s more I won’t!
ZERO
Aw, quit talking!
DAISY
I’ll talk all I want!
Three dollars.
Fifty cents.
Two fifty.
Three fifty.
(DAISY continues repeating these numbers under ZERO)
10 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
ZERO
You make me sick.
Always shootin-off.
Talk talk talk.
Just like other women.
Women make me sick.
I called the cops on that girl in the window.
Judge gave her six months.
Wonder if she’ll come after me when she gets out?
ZERO DAISY
Awwww, you’re all alike. Just who do you think you are anyhow?
Always shootin off. Bossin’ me around.
Talk talk talk. I don’t have to take it
Women make me sick. And I won’t go and take it anymore!
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Scene 2b: You Thought Wrong
CHORUS
Twenty five!
Twenty five!
Twenty five! (etc.)
ZERO DAISY
Women make me sick.
I’m tellin’ you I’m sick.
“Girl in the Window Slays Betrayer”
Always pickin’ on me.
“Jealous Wife Slays Rival”
Never a kind word to me.
I better be careful.
Not even the time o’ day.
You didn’t used to be like that!
You useta look my way -
What happened?
Was it all the pretty girls?
The pretty younger girls you see?
Your face is gettin’ yeller.
Aw, Mister Z what happened?
Put some paint on it, yech!
I wish I was dead.
What happened?
Is that what you want?
Yeah, you might as well be dead!
DAISY
Wait.
CHORUS cuts out. Suddenly, spoken to each other.
Whadja say?
ZERO
I didn’t say nothin’.
DAISY
I thought you did.
ZERO
You thought wrong.
12 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 2c: Reverie
ZERO DAISY
A dollar sixty.
A dollar fifty
Two ninety.
One sixty-two.
Orchestra begins office underscore.
“Girl takes mercury”
What if you was dead?
“Woman in ten-story death leap”
I wonder if I could kill the wife?
I wonder if I could get a gun?
In bed some night.
And end it fast.
But gee, I guess I wouldn’t have But gee, I guess I wouldn’t have
The nerve! The nerve!
You useta like me.
And then you’d notice.
You really liked me.
You’d feel so sorry.
Maybe the wife’ll die soon. Maybe the wife’ll die soon.
You useta tell me
Lotsa things
You said “I’m gonna
Show them all!”
Then I could do what I damn please
Oh, boy!
I wish she would die!
Maybe I’d marry YOU! Maybe I’d marry YOU!
CHORUS
Women!
Are the root of all deception in the world.
But don’t believe a life without your wife
Will ever make you happy;
Stick to numbers!
Twenty-five! (etc.)
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ZERO DAISY
Remember the picnic?
That time, the store picnic?
The year that your wife couldn’t come?
You touched my hand –
You brushed my knee –
Remember that time?
When the wife didn’t go?
We sat all day
Under them trees –
What does it feel like?
To really be kissed?
Comin’ home we sat together
In the truck -
The long ones in the movies –
The ones right on the mouth –
He puts his arms around her –
Her head falls back,
Her eyes close,
Mouth wet –
Head spins –
It’s a daze –
(It is as if ZERO and DAISY can almost hear each other at this moment)
ZERO
Daisy!
CHORUS cuts out.
DAISY
Huh?
ZERO (pause, realizing he’s been appropriate in calling her by her first name))
Miss Devore, slow up! What do you think I am, a machine?
DAISY
What do you want, anyhow? First it’s too slow an’ then it’s too fast. I guess you don’t know what
you want.
ZERO
Never mind about that. Just you slow up.
DAISY
I’m getting’ sick o’ this. I’m goin’ to ask to be transferred.
ZERO
Today’s my twenty-fifth anniversary at this company, and they’re promotin’ me to the front office –
DAISY
Says you!
14 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
ZERO
Says me! So you do what you want!
DAISY
Aw, keep quiet.
15 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 2d: Movin’ Up
ZERO CHORUS
The boss, he’s gotta remember
‘Bout it bein’ twenty-five years.
Twenty-five years I been here,
And I know just what I’ll say:
“I want to have a talk with you, Boss,”
I’ll say, “you know the time has come”
“Sit down,” he’ll say, “sit down and have a smoke –“ In numbers
“No,” I’ll say, “I don’t need a cigar.” The mysteries of life can be revealed
“What’s that?” he’ll say, “Well boss,” I’ll say,
“Every time I feel like smokin’ Simplicity and truth are never far
I take a nickel and put it in the sock Twenty-five!
Oh yes I put it in the sock!” Twenty-five! (etc.)
“Damn sensible!” he’ll say!
“Boss,” I’ll say, “I ain’t quite satisfied.”
“What’s wrong?” he’ll say.
“Well,” I’ll say, “I need a future here.
And addin’ figgers twenty-five more years ain’t it!”
“Zero, I’m glad you pulled me aside.
I’ve had my eye on you.”
“Oh is that so?” I’ll say.
“You’re a valuable man, Zero.
And from right now your time down there is done.
You’re movin’ out
You’re movin’ up
You’re movin’ on
To the front office with me!”
(Steam whistle and CHORUS halts abruptly.)
16 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 2e: In Numbers
CHORUS
In numbers!
ZERO (sung)
The mysteries of life can be revealed
CHORUS
In numbers
ZERO (sung)
Simplicity and truth are never far
In words I
Find myself behind, can’t make the grade
In words
I get confused, ugh! It’s like I lost my mind!
I dream in figgers in my head
They’re on my side, they don’t ask
Questions of me
Demand of me
The answers –
The rest of the scene is spoken.
DAISY
Good night, Mr. Zero.
(ZERO is caught in his own world, and does not respond. Frustrated, DAISY exits as the BOSS
appears.)
BOSS
Oh – er – Mister – er –
ZERO
Yes, sir. Do you want me, sir?
BOSS
Yes.
ZERO
Yes, sir. Of course, sir.
BOSS (offering a cigar)
Cigar?
ZERO
Uh – I –
BOSS
Corona Corona?
17 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
ZERO
Gee, I – uh –
(ZERO takes a cigar, doesn’t light it.)
BOSS
Mister – er – er –
ZERO
Zero.
BOSS
Yes, Mr. Zero. I wanted to have a little talk with you.
ZERO
Yes, sir, I been kinda expectin’ it.
BOSS
Oh, have you?
ZERO
Yes, sir.
BOSS
How long have you been with us, Mister – er – Mister –
ZERO
Zero.
BOSS
Yes, Mr. Zero.
ZERO
Twenty-five years today.
BOSS
Twenty-five years! That’s a long time.
ZERO
Never missed a day.
BOSS
And you’ve been doing the same work all the time?
ZERO
Yes, sir. Right at the same desk.
BOSS
Then, in that case, a change probably won’t be unwelcome to you.
ZERO
No, sir, it won’t. And that’s the truth.
BOSS
We’ve been planning a change in this department for some time.
18 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
ZERO
I kinda thought you had your eye on me.
BOSS
You were right. The fact is, my efficiency team has recommended the installation of adding
machines.
ZERO
Addin’ machines?
BOSS
Yes, you’ve probably seen them. A mechanical device that adds automatically.
ZERO
Sure. I’ve seen them. Keys – and a handle that you pull.
BOSS
That’s it. They do the work in half the time and a high-school girl can operate them. Now, of
course, I’m sorry to lose an old and faithful employee –
19 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 2f: In Numbers (reprise)
ZERO
Excuse me, but would you mind sayin’ that again?
BOSS (as office underscore returns)
I say, I’m sorry to lose an employee who’s been with me for so many years. But you see, in an
organization like this, efficiency is the first consideration, profit is the ultimate goal. We must work
for our investors or the engine of economics grinds to a swift halt. And we can’t have that, can
we?
You will of course draw your salary for the full month. We couldn’t do anything less for such a
valued and loyal employee. And I’ll direct my secretary to give you an excellent letter of
recommendation –
ZERO
Wait a minute, boss. (Underscore halts) Let me get this right. You mean… you’re letting me go?
BOSS
I’m sorry. (Music resumes)
CHORUS
In words I find myself
Behind, below the grade
In words I’ve lost myself
And to myself am blind.
I dream in figures in my head
I hide, confide
They don’t ask questions of me!
BOSS
There is just no other alternative, you see? The engine of our economy is a strong one, that’s
why we have unparalleled and unequaled strength in this great country, but you see, sacrifices
must be made… Sacrifices must be made to ensure our continued –
We regret –
Changes are in order –
Always the hardest –
Loyal employee –
But see the opportunity –
Opportunity –
Efficiency –
Opportunity –
Business –
Economy –
Opportunity -
Business –
Deeply regret –
Time to move on –
Business… Business… BUSINESS…
(ZERO eyes the spindle on his desk – the spindle on which DAISY has been impaling slips of
paper throughout the scene. Blackout, and quick segue to DAISY’s song.)
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Scene 3a: I’d Rather Watch You
Perhaps on her way home, perhaps in her own mind, DAISY sings her fantasy to us.
DAISY
I don’t give a darn for the movies
They bore me to tears can’t you see?
And pictures that show
Robin Hood with his bow?
“No thank you, sir, not for me.”
The truth is I’ve got a… confession.
So go on, mister, court is in session!
Valentino’s a chore
Douglas Fairbanks – a bore!
Only one thing to me makes a lasting impression
Yes –
Darling, I’d rather watch you.
There’s nothing that I’d rather do.
You’re so loveable-
Sweet and huggable –
A Dream! Could it ever come true?
Darling, I’d much rather be
Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy
Flickering lights
Romance in the night
A picture of love, you and me.
Let the lights grow dark
If you want them to
I’ll be trapped in your glow!
I’ll be a slave to you and your love-light!
Darling, I’d much rather be
Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy
Flickering lights
Romance in the night
A picture of love you and me.
(RADIO VOICEOVER begins, alongside the refrain)
Let the lights grow dark
’Cause I want them to
I’ll be trapped in your glow!
I’ll be a slave to you and your love-light!
Darling, I’d much rather be
Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy
Flickering lights
Romance in the night
A picture of love, you and me!
21 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 3b: Nice A’ You To Come
Home
Meanwhile, MRS. ZERO is waiting at home, listening to the radio, which is playing the final
strains of ‘I’d Rather Watch You’. ZERO is late again, and she’s furious. He’s missed his dinner,
and the guests are due any minute. Her lines in italics are sung; the rest are spoken.
MRS. ZERO
Well, ain’t it nice a’ you to come home? You’re only an hour late and, no, that ain’t very much,
‘cause the supper don’t get too cold in an hour, right? No, course not.
And o’ course the part about our havin’ a lot o’ company tonight don’t matter much to you, does
it? No, didn’t think so.
The Ones are comin’.
And the Twos are comin’.
Didn’t I tell you to be home on time? I’ll tell the world, it’s like talkin’ to a stone wall.
I guess it was nice of you ta come home at all.
You musta had important business, like watchin’ the scoreboard maybe? Or maybe the boss
kept you late tonight tellin’ you what a big noise you are? Tell you how the store couldn’t get
along without you. For twenty-five years that place is alive thanks to you and your damn pencil.
Tough life.
Walk in.
Hang up your hat and put on the feedbag.
It’s a wonder you got time ta come home at all.
I’ll bet he gave you a big raise, did he? Ha! Fat chance o’ you getting’ a raise.
You’ll still be there addin’ figgers in the same job at the end of another twenty-five years… if you
ain’t forgot how to add by that time.
Next time don’t even bother to come home at all.
(Doorbell.)
Put on a clean collar - there’s red ink on your collar! You’d think after twenty-five years you’d
learn how to do it without gettin’ ink on your collar.
22 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
Scene 3c: The Party
She opens the door. The ONES and the TWOS have come over for after-dinner drinks. This is
the highlight of the month for MRS. ZERO. See score for notation of the party scene.
ALL(except ZERO)
Hey!!!!
MRS. ZERO
How-de-do?
MR. ONE
How-de-do?
MRS. ZERO
How-de-do?
MRS. ONE
How-de-do?
ALL(except ZERO)
Hey!!!!
MRS. ZERO
Mister Two!
MR. TWO
How-de-do!
MRS. TWO
Missus Zero!
MRS. TWO/MRS. ZERO
How-de-do!
MRS. ZERO
Well come on in don’t just stand there hangin’ about.
Give your coats and your hats to the butler
I mean...to my husband
ALL (except ZERO)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (etc.)
(The men gather to one side. The women gather to another side. Both sides are instantly
engaged in conversation.)
ONE
Some rain we’re havin’.
23 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
TWO
Oh I never saw the like.
ONE
Worst in fourteen years
So the paper says.
TWO
Well I never saw the like.
ONE
Can’t always go
By what the paper says, though
TWO ONE
Yes, that's true. Sure it is.
TWO
Still I never saw the like.
MRS. ONE
Well I for one went shopping!
MRS. TWO
I like them organdie dreses
with a little lace trimmin’ on the sleeves.
MRS. ONE
Yeh, but plain can be lovely, the plainer the better, no lace and plain buttons –
MRS. TWO
Well I don’t think lace does a dress any harm –
But lace makes it pretty, refined and quite pretty
MRS. ONE
Well I say when it comes to lace it’s just a matter of taste.
MRS. TWO
Mister One, did I see you last Thursday?
The Rosebud, the movie-house, last Thursday night?
ONE
A pretty punk show, I’ll say.
TWO
They get worse all the time!
MRS. TWO
But who was the lady?
Some charming sweet lady?
ONE TWO
Don’t you go makin’ trouble!
That dame was my sister. Ha!
That dame was my sister. Ha, Ha!
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That dame was my-
MRS. ONE/MRS. TWO
That’s what they all say.
That’s what they all say.
MRS. ZERO
Now, now - never mind.
I’m sure Mrs. One knows what’s what –
MRS. ONE
He can do what he likes –
ONE
Ha!
MRS. ONE
But he better behave.
TWO
You’re in luck at that, One.
Fat chance I got of getting’ away from the frau…
MRS. TWO
Unh!
TWO
Even with my sister!
MRS. ZERO
You oughta be glad that you got a good wife
Who loves you and keeps a good home!
MRS. ONE/MRS. TWO
That’s right, Missus Zero!
That’s right, Missus Zero!
MRS. TWO
Hey’d you hear about the Sevens?
MRS. ONE
Are they gettin' a divorce?
MRS. TWO
That would be the second time for him!
MRS. ONE
Oh they're two of a kind!
MRS. TWO
One's as bad as the other!
MRS. ONE
Worse! They say that…
The women's speaking degenerates into jabber.
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ONE (to ZERO)
Hey’d you hear the one they’re tellin’ ‘bout the travelin’ salesman?
TWO (to ZERO)
Yeah, there was this guy in a sleeper -
ONE
Goin' from Albany to San Fran...
TWO
And in the next berth was an Old Maid -
ONE
With a wooden leg!
ONE/TWO
Well long about midnight…
The men's speaking degenerates into jabber. It continues at a low volume underneath the
women.
MRS. TWO
My aunt has gallstones.
MRS. ONE
My husband’s got bunions.
And my niece-–
MRS. ZERO
Who? Little Dotty?
MRS.ONE
- she’s got Saint Vitus’ dance.
MRS. TWO
My boy has fits.
MRS. ONE
My girl has lice.
MRS. TWO
His fever!
MRS. ONE
Her rashes!
MRS. TWO
His measles!
MRS. ONE
Her scratches!
MRS. ONE
The cough and -
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MRS. TWO
The pox and -
MRS. ONE
The hoof and –
MRS. TWO
The mouth and -
They all degenerate into loud jabbering. Mrs. Zero goes from group to group, adding to the
conversation, steering it and taking it over.
MRS. ZERO
Didja hear the cops finally came and took away that floozie across the way? She useta walk
around with hardly any clothes on! (They all jabber more softly)
My husband couldn’t stop lookin’ at her! (The women jabber loudly)
You better watch your husbands with women like that struttin’ around! (The men jabber loudly as
the women huddle secretively)
Six months in the slammer she got! (They all jabber quietly)
As if my husband could get a girl to look at him, as if! (Silence.)
Still, we been happily married for 25 years!
Knock wood!
ALL (except ZERO)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
ONES & TWOS
So many agitators!
ONES & TWOS & MRS. ZERO
All the damn foreigners!
MRS. ONE
The kikes!
ONE
The dagos!
TWO
The polacks!
MRS. TWO
The sheenies!
MRS. ONE
The wops!
ONE
The chinks!
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TWO
The niggers!
MRS. TWO
The queers!
(The litany repeats in groups, per score)
ALL (except ZERO, sung
My country ‘tis of thee!
Sweet land of liberty!
Of thee I sing!
(An unexpected doorbell.))
MRS. ZERO
Who could that be this time o’ night?
ZERO
It’s for me.
It’s the police.
He fingers his bloody collar.
MRS. ZERO
What are the police doin’ here?! Whadda they want with you? And didn’t I tell ya to take off that
collar?
ZERO
I gotta go with them. You’ll have to entertain our guests yourself.
MRS. ZERO
What did you do?
(ZERO pauses in silence for a moment, then declares…)
ZERO
I killed the boss this afternoon.
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Scene 4: Zero’s Confession
A courtroom. ZERO, isolated. The CHORUS is the judge, the jury, the gallery of onlookers.
ZERO
Sure, I killed him!
I killed him!
Don’t let ‘em tell you no lies!
I killed him!
And I want you to get it right!
All of you –
All of you –
ZERO: All you lawyers CHORUS: Lawyers
What the hell are they talkin’ about? Lawyers
An’ don’t let them fill you full of that
Bull ‘bout red ink-
That bull ‘bout red ink-
It was blood! Not red ink
It was blood
Straight through the heart! He killed him
I killed him! In cold blood
An’ I want you to get it right!
All of you… every One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
And five! One Two Three
Six! Four Five Six
Seven! Seven Eight
Eight! Nine Ten
Nine! Eleven (etc.)
Ten!
Eleven!
That makes Twelve! That makes
Twelve!
Why all these figgers
Inside my head?
I’ve figgered them out
Often enough!
Six and Six makes Twelve
And Five that’s Seventeen Zero! (etc.)
Add Eight that’s Twenty-Five!
That’s Twenty-Five years!
Eight hours a day
Each day except Sundays
One week’s vacation with pay,
And one week without if you want!
Six and six makes twelve
And five that’s seventeen
Add Eight that’s twenty-five!
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ZERO: That’s Twenty Five years!
God damn these figgers CHORUS: Eight hours a day
Inside my head except Sundays
I’ve figgered them out One weeks vacation
Often enough! with pay and one week
without if you want!
But who wants one week If you want!
With the wife yellin’
Where to get off! One Two Three Four
And don’t forget New Years’
Labor Day
Fourth of July One Two Three Four
Thanksgivin’
and Christmas…
And if you’re a Jew
You get Young Kipper
And another one too,
Them dirty Jews!
They always get two!
They always get two!
For the other bird’s One!
Two Three Four One Two Three Four
And Five Six Seven Eight Five Six Seven Eight
And Nine Ten Eleven Nine Ten Eleven (etc.)
That makes Twelve! That makes Twelve!
That makes Twelve!
Answer yes
I killed him!
I killed him! Or no!
Straight through the heart with a billfile! Do you know the law?
If he’d only shut up!
Talkin’ and talkin’ Do you know what’s
‘bout “Ohhh how sorry he was!” right and wrong?
Do you know the law?
If he’d only shut up!
Shut up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! Do you know the law?
He didn’t think
Things through
I shoulda told him he should Shut Up! And he never had
I shoulda said Shut Up! The nerve, the nerve
But there was that girl in the –
Shut Up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! He didn’t think things through
But there was that girl in the window.
Six months they gave her
For walkin’ around with no clothes!
For all men to see her straight through her window!
Nothin’ else on!
And I told the cops cause’
The wife wouldn’t leave me alone!
Women! Women are the root of
They get away with murder! all the evil in the world!
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CHORUS: If only he would have
ZERO: I’ve seen lots of birds that I’d like to grab the nerve, the nerve his
But I didn’t have the nerve life would be much
I didn’t… different!
Now those Lawyers
Oh! are the root of all the
They get away with murder! evil in the world!
If only he would have
I ain’t done one bad thing not all of my life the nerve, the nerve his
life would be much
‘Cause I didn’t have the nerve! different!
Now it’s
But once in the subway! Over!
All of a sudden, Over!
A nigger stepped right on my foot!
Lucky for him, I ain’t had no gun,
Or a can of kerosene! Zero!
And I would have told that nigger
Just where to get off!
But he didn’t have the
But there was nerve…
One time last summer, One Two
I fired that pop bottle Three Strikes Yer Out!
In a crowd at the Polo Grounds! One Two
Three Strikes Yer Out!
And ev’ryone was yellin’- Kill the Umpire
Kill the Umpire
Kill the Umpire
Kill the Umpire
Kill the Empire! Kill the Umpire
Kill the Empire!
Kill the…
He canned me! Eleven
He canned me!
Twenty-Five years on the job!
Twenty five
What would I tell my wife?
Three Two
I wonder if Miss Devore
Knew that I had the nerve to kill him?
One!
I killed him!
But I’m a regular guy
Suppose you was me,
What would you do?
I’m like anyone else.
What would you do?
I’m like anyone else.
What would you do?
What would you do?
I killed him!
(The sound of a jail door slamming ends the scene and prepares us for the next.)
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Scene 5a: In The Jail/Ham ‘n’ Eggs
The scene is a jail. THE FIXER, dressed as a guard, is absentmindedly reading a paper. ZERO
sits and eats a plate of ham and eggs, quite happy. SHRDLU and another PRISONER are also
under lock and key. The other PRISONER is being visited by his WIFE. A GUARD and a
MATRON enter.
GUARD (spoken)
What’s with him? Don’t he know it’s his last meal?
MATRON (spoken)
Yeah. Ham and eggs. Coulda asked for anything in the world and this guy wants ham and eggs!
MRS. ZERO appears, and GUARD stops her.
GUARD (spoken)
I’m sorry ma’am, but he isn’t allowed any visitors. Suicide watch.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
Suicide watch?
GUARD (spoken)
Last night. You never know.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
But I’m his -
GUARD (spoken)
He’s eatin’ his last meal…
ZERO (spoken)
Hey, is that the wife? Let her in… it’s my old gal comin’ to see me off. She ain’t gonna get a
second chance, ya know.
(Music resumes. The GUARD lets in MRS. ZERO, and exits.)
MRS. ZERO
I only wanted to see you again.
Once more.
ZERO
Once more.
I never thought that I’d see you again.
Once more.
MRS. ZERO
Once more.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
I brought ya somethin’. Guess.
ZERO (spoken)
Er – er – gee, search me.
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MRS. ZERO (spoken)
Somethin’ you like.
(She gives him a covered plate. He uncovers it.)
ZERO
Ham and eggs!
Ham and eggs!
Oh boy my favorite!
Ham and eggs!
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
You know, they almost didn’t let me in. I thought I was gonna have ta—
ZERO
Ham and eggs!
Just what I feel like
Ham and eggs!
(He eats them ravenously.)
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
Are they good?
ZERO (spoken)
They’re swell!
MRS. ZERO
Zero!
Zero!
I cried while I made ‘em.
ZERO (spoken)
Huh?
MRS. ZERO
Cookin’ and cryin’ –
I just couldn’t help it, the thought made me cry.
ZERO
Maybe next year you’ll be
Cookin and smilin’,
Cookin’ and smilin’ for some other guy.
You’ll be alright.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
Yeah.
(sung)
Mrs. Seven.
Mrs. Seven was sayin’ to me,
“Mrs. Zero,” says she.
“Wearing black is so slimming, darling.”
Says she!
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“And I’ll find you a veil to wear with that pretty black dress.”
So sweet and wholesome…
So sweet and wholesome…
So sweet and…”
(She breaks off in tears.)
So lonely!
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Scene 5b: Didn’t We?
ZERO (spoken)
Hey now, hey now. It’s not like we ever did much talkin’, did we?
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
I guess maybe I used t’bawl you out quite a lot, didn’t I?
ZERO (spoken)
Oh well – no use talkin’ about it now. (Pause… this is as close to an admission as ZERO will
ever get, at least in this life.) I guess I gave you cause all right.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
Well I got my faults too.
ZERO (spoken)
None of us are perfect.
MRS. ZERO (sung)
We had our good times though,
Didn’t we?
We had our highs long with the lows,
Didn’t we? Didn’t we?
Those days at the beach –
And that trip to the fair!
And our nights at the movies…
ZERO
We had some good times though
Didn’t we?
Which times they was, it’s tough to know,
Didn’t we?
Didn’t we?
That time that I clocked you –
And it wasn’t on purpose!
And you wouldn’t talk to me, not for a week!
MRS. ZERO
Or two!
ZERO
Or three!
TOGETHER
Didn’t we?
ZERO
Those things we shoulda did…
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MRS. ZERO
Couldn’t we?
ZERO
Well, let’s have that ice cream, kid –
MRS. ZERO
Shouldn’t we?
TOGETHER
Shouldn’t we?
The carousel is waiting –
MRS. ZERO
A picnic on Sunday –
ZERO
A ride to the country -
MRS. ZERO
That night at the opera!
ZERO (confused)
Wasn’t me -
MRS. ZERO
When I had pneumonia
You brought me them roses!
ZERO
They cost me a fortune!
TOGETHER
But wasn’t they sweet?
MRS. ZERO
We had our good times though… Didn’t we?
ZERO (spoken)
Hey.
MRS. ZERO (spoken)
What?
ZERO
I been meanin’ to… aw, hell… never mind!
Never mind!
It’s all over now!
Didn’t we?
MRS. ZERO
Didn’t we?
TOGETHER
Didn’t we?
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Scene 5c: Miss Devore/I Was A Fool
ZERO (spoken until “Well, I kinda…”)
You’ll remember it all… you got that scrapbook of me, dontcha?
MRS. ZERO
Sure do. It starts with our wedding, and then tomorrow with the papers, after the – after the –
ZERO
Yeah.
MRS. ZERO
Then I’ll finish it. Leave it on the parlor table, right where everyone can see it. I ordered the
papers already.
ZERO
Say, I been meanin’ to ask ya. Suppose you get sick or run over or somethin’… what’s gonna
happen to that book?
MRS. ZERO
Well… I kinda thought I’d leave it to little Beatrice Elizabeth.
ZERO
Your sister’s kid? What’d she want with it?
MRS. ZERO
Well who do you want to have it then?
ZERO (singing resumes)
Well, I kinda thought I’d like Miss Devore to have it.
MRS. ZERO
Miss Devore?
ZERO
Yeah, from down the store.
Miss Devore. MRS. ZERO
Miss Devore, Miss Devore!
Why shouldn’t she have it? I want her to
have it!
Why should she?
Oh!
She’d take real good care - Wouldn’t you? Yeah wouldn’t you!
What’s she to you, what gives you the right?
ZERO
It’s my book –
MRS. ZERO
No it ain’t! Not no more!
Not after tomorrow…
Mrs. Twelve,
Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me,
“Mrs. Zero!”
Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me only yesterday –
37 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
“Just ditch him!”
ZERO (spoken)
Aw, here we go!
MRS. ZERO
What’s goin’ on?
How am I fittin’ in?
ZERO (spoken)
Aw, tie a can to that!
MRS. ZERO
What’s between you,
Between you and Miss Devore?
ZERO (spoken)
I shoulda given it to her in the first place! That’s what I shoulda done!
MRS. ZERO
I was a fool
A fool for marryin’ you…
And after all I’ve done for you!
I won’t stand for it!
I won’t stand for it!
Now we’re through!
MRS. ZERO exits.
MR. ZERO (calling after her)
I’d a married her if I met her first!
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Scene 5d: Shrdlu’s Gospel
ZERO sits, sulks. SHRDLU, who has been silent and seemingly unaware all this time, turns to ZERO.
He has an energy very different from everyone we’ve met up to now.
SHRDLU (spoken)
Fighting with the loved ones. It happens so frequently. It makes me rather sad.
ZERO
Who the hell are you? Whaddyou know about it?
SHRDLU
My apologies. I’m just a prisoner like yourself.
ZERO
Yeah, well, just leave it alone, will ya? (pause) Anyway, the wife and me, we ain’t never got along
really.
SHRDLU
It’s so tragic. Life is tragic. “Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming.”
ZERO
You ain’t much of an optimist, are ya?
SHRDLU
That’s because I believe in God. (pause) Like you, this is my last night here on this earth. “The angels
will separate the evil from the righteous, and throw them into the furnace of fire.” And then… (sung)
Freedom!
ZERO
Freedom?
SHRDLU (sung) 2ND PRISONER (echoing; he’s heard it before)
Freedom! Freedom!
The flames! The flames!
The tortures! The tortures!
Down to the bottom for me.
I broke the law. And now I’m condemned.
SHRDLU (spoken)
Sorry - I didn't catch your name. (pause) I say I didn't catch your name.
ZERO
I heard you the first time. (Hesitantly) I'm scared if I tell you who I am an’ what I done...
SHRDLU
No matter what your sins may be, they are as snow compared to mine.
ZERO
You got another guess comin', I think. My name's Zero. I'm a murderer.
SHRDLU
Ah yes, you’re quite famous.
39 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
ZERO
So you still think you're worse than me, huh?
SHRDLU
Oh a thousand times worse, a million times worse.
ZERO
What did you do?
SHRDLU
I, too, am a murderer.
ZERO
Go on, you're kiddin' me!
SHRDLU
I am the foulest, the most sinful of murderers. You only murdered your employer, Mr. Zero. But I – I
murdered my mother. (he sobs)
ZERO
The hell you say!
SHRDLU
Yes, my mother! My beloved mother!
“He who does not obey the Son shall see the wrath of God upon him” -
ZERO
Did she always treat you fair and square?
SHRDLU
She was a saint, I tell you, a saint! She cared for me and watched over me as only a mother can.
From my infancy she devoted herself to putting me on the right path. She taught me to be thrifty,
devout, unselfish, to shun evil companions, and to shut my eyes and ears to all temptations of the
flesh… In short, to become a virtuous, respectable, and god-fearing man -
(sung, bitterly)
And what becomes of morality?
(spoken - composure regained)
It was a hopeless task. Already at fourteen I began to show signs of my sinful nature.
ZERO
You didn’t kill anyone else, did you?
SHRDLU
No! But once I ran away from home.
ZERO
You did?
SHRDLU
Yes. A...companion... had lent me a profane book – the only profane book I will ever have read, I'm
thankful to say. It was called “Treasure Island”. Have you ever read it?
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ZERO
No, I never was much on readin’ books.
SHRDLU
It is a wicked, wicked book, a lurid tale of adventure. And reading it kindled in my sinful nature a desire
to go to sea. Luckily, my mother's loving intuition warned her of my intention, and I was sent back
home before ever glimpsing the shore. And - my mother, she welcomed me with open arms. Not an
angry word, not a look of reproach. A saint I tell you!
And for thirteen years, I held a steady job. Eight hours a day, Six days a week. But every Sunday we’d
go together to morning, afternoon, and evening service. We were so happy, my mother and I.
(sings) An honest and moral mode of life.
ZERO
I’ll say.
SHRDLU
(spoken) We are sinners, Mr. Zero - you and me. And as sinners we deserve punishment.
And punishment eventually will come, and when it comes, it will be horrible, and it will be just.
That fatal Sunday, Dr. Amaranth, our minister, was having dinner with us – one of the few pure spirits
left on this earth.
(sung)
2ND PRISONER (joining in)
We said grace, Had our soup!
ZERO (to quiet 2nd Prisoner)
Hey!
SHRDLU (continuing)
And everything was going along as usual.
Discussing the sermon,
Just like every other Sunday I remember.
Then came the leg of lamb –
(he breaks off, about to lose control, regains it, and starts again)
I see the whole scene so clearly:
Dr. Amaranth on my right,
My mother on my left,
And before me, the leg of lamb.
ZERO
What happened?
SHRDLU (spoken - excitedly and nervous, with musical underscore)
Well, I started to carve the lamb – it’s very difficult on account of the bone. And when there’s gravy in
the dish there’s danger of spilling it. So Mother always used to hold the dish for me. She leaned
forward, just as she always did, and I could see the gold locket around her neck. It held my picture in
it and one of my baby curls. Well, I raised my knife to carve the leg of lamb and… instead…
(musical underscore stops suddenly)
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I cut my mother’s throat! (he sobs)
ZERO
You must a’ been outta your mind!
SHRDLU (vehement)
No! Don’t you try to justify me! I wasn’t insane! Dr. Amaranth saw the truth – it was my sinful nature,
and he told me what was in store for me!
ZERO
Hey, by tomorrow night it’ll… it’ll all be over.
SHRDLU
Over!
ZERO
Yeah!
SHRDLU
Do you think this is the end? Don’t you know what awaits us?
(SHRDLU sings. The vision is a perverse ecstasy for him)
SHRDLU
I now see things so clearly
MATRON
He knows what awaits him!
CHORUS
The flames! The flames!
The tortures! The tortures!
An Eternity of suffering! The suffering
Just punishment for my unspeakable crime –
Unspeakable crime – Unspeakable crime!
ZERO
What about God’s mercy?
SHRDLU
Zero! CHORUS
When we stand in front of St. Peter Stand in front of St. Peter
The angels will cower The angels will cower
Our sentence - Eternal damnation –
CHORUS
You will writhe in the
Fires of hell for
Eternity
SHRDLU (not listening) CHORUS
It will be terrible – simply terrible! Terrible!
otherwise –
SHRDLU + CHORUS
What becomes of justice?
What becomes of morality?
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What becomes of right and wrong?
(God is) He's righteous! Simply righteous!
God’s grace can’t love a sinner… a sinner like you… a sinner like me –
(As the gospel concludes, the FIXER has gotten up. It’s time to take ZERO away. He motions to the
GUARD.)
FIXER
Zero. (The FIXER and GUARD advance on ZERO in his cell.) Zero, it’s time to go.
ZERO (the reality is dawning on him)
No. No. It ain’t right. It ain’t fair. I ain’t gettin' a square deal here.
FIXER
They all say that. Tell me, Zero, why aren't you getting a square deal?
ZERO
Well, that addin’ machine. Was that a square deal after twenty-five years?
FIXER
Certainly, from any point of view, except a sentimental one. The machine is quicker. It never makes a
mistake. It’s always on time. It presents no problems of housing, traffic congestion, water supply –
ZERO
But it costs somethin’, don’t it?
FIXER
You’re right there. In one respect you have the advantage over the machine – the cost of manufacture.
But we’ve learned over many years that the original cost is inconsequential compared to upkeep. It
costs a lot to keep up all that delicate mechanism of eye and ear and hand and brain which you’ve
never put to any use. So you’ve got to go.
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Scene 5e: Death March
The FIXER motions to the GUARD, who grabs ZERO.
ZERO (the terror of what’s to come is growing in him)
Hey! No, hey! Please! Please don’t take me! Gimme another chance!
FIXER
What would you do, Zero?
Imagine what would happen if I could give you another chance… what would you do?
ZERO (he has no idea)
I… I’d make up with the wife. Go out and look for a job I guess.
FIXER
Adding figures?
ZERO
Well I ain’t young enough to take up somethin’ new!
FIXER (brief consideration, followed by the snap of his fingers)
Put the skids under him, and make it snappy!
The FIXER and GUARD begin wrestlingthe struggling ZERO offstage.
ZERO (agitated, pathetically)
No! No! Don't take me away! Don't kill me! Gimme a chance! Gimme another chance!
I DON'T WANNA DIE! HELP! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT
TO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE!
(As ZERO is dragged offstage, we may – or may not – hear the sound of an execution.)
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Scene 6a: A Pleasant Place
Transition
A requiem is heard. Perhaps Zero’s funeral. We arrive in the Elysian Fields, a “pleasant place”. It is a
world magically transformed in color and texture; utterly beautiful in an otherworldly way. If Scenes 1
through 5 have been in the world of Kathe Kollwitz, think Maxwell Parrish. ZERO is discovered, or is
wandering, or wanders onstage. SHRDLU will later tell us that “the music never stops here.”
CHORUS
Zero!
Zero!
Zero!
ZERO
Hello?
CHORUS
Zero!
ZERO
Where…where am I?
CHORUS
Zero!
The burden of life
Lies behind you…
ZERO
Is anybody there?
CHORUS
Zero!
The burden of life
Lies behind you…
Behind you!
ZERO CHORUS
I was wond’rin – Zero
Wond’rin what it’d be like
Here… Zero
Now that I’m here I’m still wond’rin -
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Scene 6b/part 1: Shrdlu’s Blues
(Reprise)
SHRDLU (sung)
Zero!
Zero!
ZERO (spoken, surprised)
Hey, pal. I wasn’t expectin’ to see you! (pause) This sure is a nice place. Whadda they call it,
anyhow?
SHRDLU (sung)
The Elysian Fields.
ZERO
The which?
SHRDLU/CHORUS (sung)
The Elysian Fields.
SHRDLU
Where only the most favored remain…
They told me: remain here
Remain here until I might understand.
ZERO (spoken)
Understand what?
SHRDLU (spoken)
I don’t know!
ZERO (spoken)
I was expectin’… Expectin’ you’d be burnin’ in hell by now? Ain’t they called you out for killin’ your
mother?
SHRDLU
Zero! Zero!
I am the most unhappy of men!
ZERO (spoken)
Why?
SHRDLU
I once saw things so clearly
The flames!
The tortures!
An Eternity of suffering!
Just punishment for my unspeakable crime-
Unspeakable crime-
I searched for my mother
To ask her forgiveness
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To help me to understand
ZERO (pause, spoken)
You mean – she ain’t here?
SHRDLU
No!
CHORUS ZERO
It’s terrible – simply terrible! Terrible! Terrible!
Things turned out so differently Terrible! Terrible!
What becomes of justice? What becomes and what becomes and It’s terrible!
What becomes of morality? What becomes and what becomes and Terrible!
What becomes of right and wrong? What becomes and what becomes -
It’s maddening –
Simply maddening! Maddening!
Nothing is turning out as I expected! Hmm-
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Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy in the
Distance
A voice can just be heard in the distance.
SHRDLU (spoken)
Listen!
DAISY (in the distance, singing)
Mr. Zero!
SHRDLU (spoken)
Do you hear music?
DAISY (singing)
Mr. Zero!
ZERO (pause, then spoken)
No, I don’t hear nuthin’.
SHRDLU (spoken)
They say the music never stops here. Listen!
DAISY (singing, still in the distance)
Mr. Zero!
Mr. Zero!
CHORUS
Zero!
ZERO (spoken)
Who the heck is that now? The wife? That’d be swell, wouldn’t it? An’ I figured on her bein’ good for
another 25 years.
CHORUS
The burden of life lies behind you…
ZERO (spoken)
Ah, well. Ain’t that always the way? Just when you’re starting to take life easy and havin’ a good
time…
CHORUS
Behind you…
(And SHRDLU is gone, searching for his mother one last time, as DAISY arrives.)
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Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy Appears
DAISY appears. She is dressed in a very special outfit – the outfit she imagined she’d be wearing
when she met ZERO in the afterlife.
DAISY (appearing)
Oh I never thought I’d catch up to you!
I’ve been runnin’ behind you for days.
Callin’ and callin’
Callin’ your name – did ya hear me?
ZERO (spoken)
No, I didn’t hear nuthin’. Miss Devore – what are you doin’ here?
DAISY (spoken)
You don’t mind if I sit and take a rest, do you? I can hardly catch my breath. I’ll tell the world my dogs
are barkin’! (pause) This sure is a nice place.
ZERO (spoken)
Miss Devore – what happened to ya? I mean, how’d you conk out?
DAISY
Well –
After you’d passed
A couple of days gone by
I blew out the gas in my kitchen!
ZERO (spoken)
How could you be so stupid?
DAISY (spoken)
It was accidental –
Accidental! (sung)
ZERO (spoken)
I’ll bet you’re sorry you did it now, ain’tcha?
DAISY (spoken)
No, I ain’t sorry – not one bit! (pause) Mr. Zero, I been thinkin’…?
ZERO (spoken)
What?
DAISY (spoken)
I been thinkin’ – it would be kinda nice… if we could talk things over…
ZERO (spoken)
What is it you wanna talk about?
DAISY (spoken)
It sure is a nice place, ain’t it?
ZERO (spoken)
Sure is!
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DAISY (spoken)
Look at the flowers! Ain’t they just perfect! Why, you’d think they was artificial, wouldn’t you?
ZERO (spoken)
Yeh, you would!
DAISY (spoken)
I’m crazy about the country, ain’t you?
ZERO (spoken)
Yeh, it’s nice for a change.
DAISY (spoken)
Them store picnics, remember?
ZERO (spoken)
You bet! They sure was fun.
DAISY (spoken)
One time – I guess you don’t remember – the two of us – me and you – we sat down on the grass
together under a tree – just like we’re doin’ now.
ZERO (spoken)
Sure I remember!
DAISY (spoken)
Go on! I bet you don’t!
ZERO (spoken)
I’ll bet I do! That’s the year the wife wouldn’t go.
DAISY (spoken)
That’s right! I didn’t think you’d remember.
ZERO (spoken)
And comin’ home, we sat together in the truck.
DAISY (spoken)
Mr. Zero – there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you…
ZERO (spoken)
Well, what’s been stoppin’ you?
DAISY (spoken)
Well, I don’t know… but I’m gonna ask you now!
ZERO (spoken)
Go ahead. Shoot.
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Scene 6c: Daisy’s Confession
DAISY
Well –
What I wanted
Wanted to ask you…
ZERO (spoken)
What?
DAISY
Well-
While we was ridin’
Ridin' back home -
You put your arm
Up on the bench behind me
An’ I could feel your knee kinda pressin’ 'gainst mine
ZERO
Yeh – well, I remember…
What about it?
DAISY
Well-
What I wanted -
Wanted to ask you -
Was it just kinda accidental?
ZERO
Yeh – well, accidental…
Accidental on purpose!
DAISY (spoken)
Do you mean it?
ZERO (spoken)
Sure I mean it…
You mean you didn’t know?
DAISY
I thought if you meant it
You’d move up closer
But then you took your arm away.
I know it would ‘a’ been wrong.
But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all.
Cause’ I was wishin’ that you’d put your arm around me
Just sittin’ there wishin’ all the way home.
All the way home.
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ZERO DAISY
I felt like kissin’ you Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else but you…
But I didn’t have the nerve, the nerve- Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else bout you…
I thought of kissin’ you - Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else bout you…
DAISY
An’ I would’a let you
All you wanted
An’ I ain’t had the nerve to tell you before.
I know it woulda been wrong.
But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all.
ZERO
But I didn’t think you cared nuthin’ about me….
DAISY
I never cared nuthin’ ‘bout nobody else
But you.
ZERO
Oh Daisy!
If I only knew…
(spoken)
An’ me always bawlin’ you out
DAISY (spoken)
Them was the times I… I’d think I didn’t wanna go on livin’…
ZERO
Daisy –
(Sung)
There’s something I,
I gotta ask you.
DAISY (spoken)
What?
ZERO
Well-
When you told me -
Told me you blew out the gas
Was it just kinda accidental?
DAISY (sung)
Accidental on purpose!
ZERO (spoken)
Daisy, how could you!
What were you thinkin’?
Didn’t you know killin’ yourself was wrong?
(pause)
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DAISY (sung)_ ZERO (sung)
I didn’t have nuthin’
To live for with you gone
Why would I want to go on livin’ for? Daisy, how could you?
I know what I did was wrong. What were you thinkin’?
But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all. How could I have known?
DAISY: Cause’ I was thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nuthin’
about me…
DAISY Thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nuthin’
at all…
DAISY
An’ I made up my mind
If I ever saw you again
I’d ask you…
ZERO
What?
DAISY
Kiss me!
(ZERO kisses DAISY on the cheek)
DAISY
No! Not like that –
For real.
(sung)
Kiss me for real.
I ain’t never been kissed for real before!
(Zero kisses Daisy on the lips. A long embrace ensues. The lush, 1001 strings version of “I’d Rather
Watch You” begins to play. Perhaps an orchestra is revealed, or the return of a grand version of the
radio… but somehow, DAISY’s fantasy has become real.)
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Scene 6d: Feel Like Dancin’
DAISY (spoken)
Listen! Do you hear music?
ZERO (spoken)
No, I don’t hear nuthin’.
DAISY (spoken)
Wait –
Listen and you’ll hear music…
ZERO (spoken)
Music? I hear nothing.
I hear… music!
(DAISY and ZERO begin to dance.)
CHORUS
Darling, I’d rather watch you.
There’s nothing that I’d rather do.
You’re so loveable –
Sweet and huggable –
A dream, could it ever come true?
Darling, I’d much rather be.
Safe in your arms, a real life fantasy.
Flickering lights,
Romance in the night,
A picture of love, you and me!
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Scene 6e: The Flinch
DAISY and ZERO are trying to dance and kiss at the same time; they’re not so good at it, floundering
a bit, getting hot and bothered – it’s the real-life middle-aged version of DAISY’s romantic fantasy.
ZERO breaks it off as the music continues beneath.
ZERO (spoken)
Wait a minute! I’m all winded.
(Before he can turn away, she throws her arms about him and presses her lips to his.)
I ain’t used to dancin’ that way.
(He sits down. She sits next to him, very close, stroking his hair, etc… this IS heaven for her.)
DAISY (spoken)
Imagine if we could stay here all the time – you an’ me together – wouldn’t it be swell?
ZERO (spoken)
Yeh, but there ain’t a chance. This place is only for the good ones.
DAISY (spoken)
Well, we ain’t so bad, are we?
ZERO (spoken)
Go on! Me a murderer an’ you comittin’ suicide? Anyway, they wouldn’t stand for this – the way we
been goin’ on.
DAISY (spoken)
I don’t see why.
SHRDLU (offstage, sung)
Freedom!
ZERO (spoken)
Who said that?
(SHRDLU enters. He has been completely, utterly transformed into a hedonist. Something happened
in the wilds of the Elysian Fields, and he is hungry to experience the life that’s been denied to him.
The suit he was wearing earlier is now rumpled, askew, torn off.)
SHRDLU (singing)
Freedom!
That merciless burden of life
Lies behind me!
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ZERO (spoken)
Where’d you come from?
SHRDLU CHORUS (offstage)
Suddenly I’ve found freedom! Freedom right here!
Freedom right here!
Where only the most favored remain.
ZERO (spoken, embarrassed and awkward))
We wasn’t doin’ nuthin’… just sittin’ here… talkin’… ‘bout the store, business, you know.
DAISY (sung, trying to recapture the mood)
And how we was wishin’,
How we was hopin’ to
Stay here forever…
SHRDLU (spoken)
You may if you like.
ZERO/DAISY (spoken)
What?
SHRDLU (spoken)
They don’t care!
(singing)
Even the basest of sinners
ZERO (spoken)
You mean like whores?
SHRDLU (sung)
Just walks free amongst them
ZERO (spoken)
…and suicides?
SHRDLU (sung)
All leading such profitless lives!
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ZERO (spoken)
And…murderers?
SHRDLU CHORUS
We’re free! Laughing!
Free to live any way Singing!
They don’t care what we believe! Drinking!
Dancing!
(spoken) A sail on the wind! Freedom!
DAISY (singing)
We’re free!
There just ain’t no other place where I’d rather be!
SHRDLU (spoken)
Look at them all!
DAISY/SHRDLU/CHORUS (singing)
Freedom!
ZERO (spoken; he’s got a rotten feeling about this)
What kinda dump is this anyway?
DAISY
O what a wonderful feeling!
SHRLDU
No talk of sin or redemption,
No right and no wrong!
SHRDLU/DAISY
Freedom!
ZERO (spoken)
Daisy! I don’t know about this place.
DAISY (spoken, getting anxious)
But he says they don’t care! As long as we got each other –
CHORUS (underscore, repeat, through to ZERO’s “Stop!”)
Don’t you go startin’ nothin’ with women.
ZERO (spoken, hearing voices in his head)
Daisy, you know this ain’t right.. Ain’t I got a wife?
DAISY (spoken)
Not any more you ain’t. “Til death do us part,” don’tcha remember?
ZERO (spoken)
Yeh, but we don’t wanna be mixin’ with people that ain’t respectable!
(ZERO’s fear of the unknown, the unexplored, the undiscovered begins to overwhelm him.)
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CHORUSSHRDLU DAISY
Don’t you go startDancing! I’m only
Nuthin’Drinking! Thinkin’ of you…
With womenKissing! Thinkin’ of you…
Grunting!
25…Bursting! Freedom!
25…Busting! Freedom!
25…Swelling!
Surging – Etc.
FREEDOM! Etc.
So what’s the use of justice,
now that I found freedom!
MRS. ZERO (off)
And what’s the use of
morality, now that I’ve found
freedom!
Mrs. Twelve…
Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to
me,
And what’s the use of right
and wrong?
Mrs. Zero…!
ZERO (screaming)
STOP!
This place, it ain’t right! I ain’t gonna stay here with a lot of lowlifes and bums… and sinners!
DAISY (spoken)
We don’t have to bother with them!
ZERO (spoken)
I’m gonna beat it!
Pause. He is gone. She is utterly deflated.
DAISY (spoken)
I might as well be alive!
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Scene 7a: In Numbers (reprise)
The stage plunges in to darkness. We hear the sound of an amplified/processed adding machine.
CHORUS
In numbers
The mysteries of life can be revealed
In numbers
Simplicity and truth are never far
In numbers!
This sound crossfades into the sound of real adding machine onstage operated by ZERO. He is in a
small room with a chair and desk, punching away, pulling the lever, happy as can be, and the adding
machine paper billows out and surrounds him, climbing the walls of this very small room. He sings.
ZERO
Now this…(sung) this is
Freedom!
Freedom!
I don’t hear them voices!
Them voices all runnin’ around inside my head!
I’m free!
No birds and no bosses here tellin’ me I oughta be –
Hang ‘em all!
I’m free!
I’m sittin’ here pretty.
Ain’t no one here yakkin’ or yellin’ at me!
Freedom!
And look!
I ain’t missed one day! Not one hour! Not one minute and
Look at all what I done!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Lights rise on CHARLES.
CHARLES
Zero. Zero.
ZERO
Gimme a minute.
CHARLES
Zero. It’s time.
ZERO (stops)
I… hey…! I think I – [know you]
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CHARLES
Yes. You know me. You should by now.
ZERO (pause, then indicating the machine)
Hey, have you seen this …? I gotta… hey, gimme a number! Gimme a bunch o’ numbers!
CHARLES
I beg your pardon?
ZERO
Name a number!
CHARLES
Zero?
ZERO
Come on! Real numbers!
CHARLES
13.
ZERO (he types “13” into the machine)
OK, gimme another.
CHARLES
7.
ZERO (typing, etc.)
And…?
CHARLES
3. 5. 7. 9. 11. 13. More - ?
ZERO
68! Didja see that? Look at that! All those years usin’ my head when I shoulda been usin’ my fingers!
CHARLES
How amusing. Zero.
ZERO
Yeah, I made a joke. (short pause) Let’s go again.
CHARLES
Zero, it’s time to go.
ZERO
Where?
CHARLES
It’s time for you to go back. (a blank stare from ZERO) You didn’t think you were going to stay here
forever, did you?
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ZERO
I was hopin’ to. After all, I did my bit, didn’t I? Forty-five years of it. Twenty five years in the store.
Then the boss canned me and I knocked him cold. I guess you ain’t heard about that –
CHARLES
I know all about that. Do you really think they’d go to all the trouble of making a soul just to use it
once? Why man, they use a soul over and over again – over and over until it’s worn out.
ZERO (pause, he considers this)
Nobody ever told me that. How was I to know?
CHARLES
Use your brains! Where would we put them all? We’re crowded enough as it is. Why, this place is
nothing but a kind of repair and service station – a cosmic laundry you might say. We get souls in
here by the bushel, clean them up – and you should see some of them: muck and slime, full of
holes… but we fix them up, disinfect them, and then they go back. That’s what we’ve been doing all
this time while you’ve been at that machine – wash, rinse, dry, scrub, wash, rinse, dry… your soul was
an awful mess!
ZERO
I’ve been here before?
CHARLES
Thousands of times!
ZERO
How is it I don’t remember nuthin’ about it?
CHARLES
Well – that’s partly because you’re stupid. But it’s mostly because that’s the way we fix it. Some do
remember – there’s the type that gets a little better each time it goes back – we just give them a wash
and send them right through. But then there’s the ones like you… You wouldn’t believe how filthy and
rotten -
ZERO
You mean to say I’m gettin’ worse all the time? ‘Cause I can’t remember?
CHARLES
Yes. A little worse each time. I always hoped you might turn it around… just a few lives ago I thought
you were going to make something of yourself. When was that? 500 years ago I think? Maybe six - ?
Stable boy. Earl’s daughter. Didn’t have the nerve.
ZERO
Wait. If it’s all been downhill, what was I when I started? A king or somethin’?
CHARLES
You were a monkey.
ZERO
A monkey?
CHARLES
A hairy, chattering, long-tailed monkey. But you weren’t so bad then. You did just what all the other
monkeys did. But even on that first go-round there was a bigger, smarter monkey you kowtowed to…
the mark of the slave was on you from the very start.
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ZERO
You ain’t very particular about what you call people, are you?
CHARLES
If there was ever a soul in the world labeled “slave,” it’s yours. All the bosses and kings that there ever
were have left their mark on your backside. Ever hear of the pyramids?
ZERO
Them big pointy things?
CHARLES
That’s right, 6000 years ago in Africa – you helped build them. It was a long step down from those
happy days in the jungle, but it was a good job, other than the master’s whip… 2000 years ago you
were a Roman galley slave… again with the whip. A thousand years ago, you dug potatoes for the
lord of the manor… again with the whip -
ZERO
Well I’m done with allthat! I ain’t never had a square deal, and all them lives gotta add up to somethin’!
So I’m not goin’ back! Gimme some more numbers, I’ll show ya!
CHARLES
You’ve already been in this room for 25 years, Zero, it’s time to –
ZERO (typing)
25! OK, gimme another! (he is insistent, almost threatening in his fear)
CHARLES
25.
ZERO
TOO EASY. Another!
CHARLES
25.
ZERO
I COULD DO THIS IN MY HEAD!
CHARLES
25. 25. 25. 25. (CHORUS begins sotto voce “25… 25…” which continues through the rest of the
scene except during the recycling, and at the end of the play as indicated) 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25.
25. 25. 25 -
ZERO
STOP!
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Scene 7b: The Music of the Machine
CHARLES snaps his fingers and the room and adding machine vanish.
The recycling machine is revealed. It is an astonishing, mind-blowing sight, and terrifying to ZERO.
The CHORUS is discovered in a line, ready to go into the machine. CHARLES pulls his lever, and a
sandblasting sound is heard. A conveyor belt – the “conveyor belt of souls” – begins moving
CHORUS members into the gaping maw of the machine. The CHORUS members are mindlessly
unaware of their fate as they sing.
CHORUS
Numbers are the
Root of what lies
Secret in the world.
And we must each
Believe Believe
Our lives will all
Add up to something in the
End.
The CHORUS member to be recycled is now at the entry to the machine, and enters. The sound of
grinding as the soul is recycled (strain on the machine, as in a garbage disposal) after which the task
is complete, and a “ding” signals that the machine is ready to receive the next soul. The recycled
CHORUS member then rejoins the CHORUS line. The CHORUS continues to chant “Twenty-five!”
ZERO
What the heck is that?
CHARLES
The biggest machine of them all. Been around since Adam and Eve. Maybe before, but even I’m not
that old. And still in perfect operational condition. Step on.
He pulls the lever, and a soul is recycled.
CHORUS
Numbers are the
Root of what lies
Secret in the world.
And we must each
Believe Believe
Our lives will all
Add up to something in the end.
ZERO (trying to get away)
N-n-n-no. No. I’m not goin’ on that. I’m not goin’ back there!
CHARLES
Oh, sure you are. You’ll be a baby again – a bald, redfaced little animal at first… and then you’ll learn
a few things… mostly all the wrong things, and you’ll learn them all the wrong way. You’ll eat the
wrong food and wear the wrong clothes, and you’ll live in anonymity, and the world just beyond your
reach will be the sunlight, and you won’t know you’re relegated to the darkness. And when you’ve
63 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft
been properly conditioned – to believe that anything is possible, which couldn’t be farther from the
truth – you’ll take a job.
ZERO
Another addin’ machine?
CHARLES
Is that what you want? Then that’s what you’ll get, Zero, a super-hyper-adding machine, as far from
that old piece of junk as you are from the stars in the pictures….. Such a wondrous machine that you
won’t even have to think anymore… Is that you want?
(This is the last of three tests given to ZERO. He has failed each time. Will he fail again?)
ZERO
So I won’t have to learn nuthin’ new?
(A long moment while CHARLES stares coldly and/or sadly at ZERO.)
CHARLES
Why can’t you surprise me? You’re just a slave to a contraption of steel and iron. You spineless idiot
– I pity you!
ZERO
Then keep me here!
CHARLES
No! It’s time to go back! Back to mediocrity, a sunless groove where you’ll fall the ready prey of any
Boss who plays upon your ignorance, your credulity, your provincialism!
ZERO
Please - !
CHARLES
You chose the machine, Zero! Every time! So it chose you!
ZERO
No - !
(Another soul appears, ready to be sandblasted. It is revealed to be DAISY. She is shuttled toward the
recycling apparatus.)
CHORUS
Numbers are the
Root of what lies
Secret in the world.
And we must each
Believe Believe
Our lives will all
Add up to something in the -
ZERO
DAISY!
(Zero breaks for Daisy on the conveyor belt. He reaches DAISY and grabs her. She may – or may
not – become aware of him. This choice depends on how optimistic you are.)
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CHORUS SHRDLU / MRS. ZERO (offstage)
Numbers are the Zero.
Root of what lies
Secret in the world. Zero.
And we must each Zero.
Believe Believe
Our lives will all Zero.
Add up to something in the end!
ZERO
DAISY!
(He grabs her hand and the two enter – or are dragged – into the machine. Again, this depends on
how optimistic you are. The sound of two souls being recycled together as CHARLES watches. We
hear a “ding.” All music stops. CHARLES takes a paper out of his pocket. Looks. Checks something
off. Silence.).
CHARLES
I’ll tell the world this is a lousy job.
(He exits.)
END OF PLAY
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Last Update:February, 03rd 2026

Adding Machine Lyrics: Song List

  1. Prelude 
  2. Something to Be Proud Of
  3. Harmony, Not Discord 
  4. Office Reverie 
  5. Moving Up 
  6. In Numbers 
  7. In Numbers (reprise) 
  8. I'd Rather Watch You 
  9. The Party 
  10. Zero's Confession 
  11. Once More/Ham and Eggs 
  12. Didn't We? 
  13. I Was A Fool 
  14. The Gospel According to Shrdlu 
  15. Death March 
  16. A Pleasant Place 
  17. Shrdlu's Blues 
  18. Daisy's Confession 
  19. I'd Rather Watch You (Reprise) 
  20. Freedom! 
  21. Freedom! (reprise) 
  22. The Music of the Machine 

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