Hair: Musical script

Hair script

The American Tribal
Love-Rock Musical
Book and Lyrics by Gerome Ragni and James Rado
Music by Galt MacDermotCopyright © 1966 by Gerome Ragni and James Rado
All Rights Reserved )
Rtprin‘;ed by permission of Pocket Books, a Simon & Schuster division
of Gulf & Western Corporation.
: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that HAIR,
Eufinm‘l)lt; p::cted under the Copyright Laws of the U.niled States of
America, the British Commonwealth, including the Dominion of Canada,
and all other countries of the International Copyright Union and.tlu l{ni.
versal Copyright Convention, is subject to rqyllty. All~fighh. including
professional, amateur, motion picture, mhmm, lecturing, public reading.ndio-ndtelevisionbro&dcmhg,md!henghhoimndp:fionimo
foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the
question of readings, permission for which must be secured from the
.ux“mdrmlisin s;:luldsgbe addressed to; Nat Shapiro, 157 West 57th
Street, New York, N.Y. 10019,
EDITOR’S NOTES
An epochal musical, Hair originally was produced by Joseph Papp
at the New York Shakespeare Festival's Public Theatre (located in
lower Manhattan) for a limited engagement of eight weeks. The
“tribal love-rock musical” was greeted with loud hosannas by critics
and public alike, not only as a significant stride forward in the art of
musical theatre, but also as stirring entertainment.
Unwilling to let his hirsute hit expire, Mr. Papp (in association
with Michael Butler) moved it to Cheetah, a large Broadway discotheque, for another run, limited only because the building was
about to be torn down.
Undaunted by its gypsyesque preliminary engagements, Hair was
subsequently revised by the authors and composer and restaged for
Broadway by Tom O'Horgan, opening at the Biltmore Theatre on
April 29, 1968. It immediately became one of the most successful
musicals in Broadway history. With an eventual world gross of $80
million (it was performed in virtually every conceivable country)
and eleven original cast record albums (in as many languages), Hair
became the archetypal musical of the sixties, the love song of the
flower-children generation. With its freewheeling story line and
barbed comments on sex, drugs, military service, money, religion,
and other contemporary concerns, its vibrant and often memorable
rock score, and a sprinkling of nudity, it shattered Broadway conventions and ran for 1,750 performances while fourteen other companies play concurrently in various parts of the United States.
Even the most conservative of critics doffed their hats to the “rock
'n’ rebellion” musical. Brooks Atkinson, dean of theatre journalists,
avowed that “Hair is the freshest and most spontaneous show I've
seen.” Clive Barnes of The New York Times described it as “so likable, so new, so fresh and so unassuming, even in its pretensions. It is
the first Broadway musical in some time to have the authentic voice
of today rather than the day before yesterday.”
Richard Watts, Jr. reported in the New York Post: “Hair has surs os
382 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
prising if perhaps unintentional charm; its high spirits are contagious,
and its young zestfulness makes it difficult to resist.” Others rated it
as “a remarkable experience” and “one of the most important developments in modern American theatre. . . . It is a frenetic, non-stop
celebration of love, pot, rock and the generation on the near side of
the gap. It also is relentlessly pro-people and anti-computer and glorious fun!”
A London edition of the musical opened at the Shaftesbury
Theatre on September 27, 1968, and the event prompted dramatist
and critic Frank Marcus to jubilantly note in the Sunday Telegraph:
“At long last the London theatre has burst into flame. When I
emerged from the theatre, dazed, shattered and delighted, smothered
in confetti, flowers and balloons, the cast and some of the audience
were dancing frantically on the stage. For all I know they may be
dancing still. This show is in every sense of the word, sensational.”
Hair ran for 1,997 performances before folding its West End-based
tribal tents.
Co-authors of the book and lyrics, Gerome Ragni and James Rado
are both actors and on more than one occasion have appeared in the
same production, as they did in Hair, and with several Off-Broadway
theatre companies.
Mr. Ragni, a native of Canada, studied at Georgetown University
and made his Broadway debut in the record-breaking production of
Hamlet which starred Richard Burton. A former member of the
Open Theatre and Café La Mama, he next returned to Off-Broadway
for a role in Hang Down Your Head and Die, and later, in the longrunning comedy, The Knack,
In 1972 Mr. Ragni was represented on Broadway as the sole author of the book and lyrics (with music once again by Galt MacDermot) for the short-lived Dude.
Mr. Rado, whose hometown is Washington, D.C., graduated from
understudy in the Henry Fonda vehicle, Generation, to one of the
principals in A Lion in Winter. He also appeared in the New York
and Chicago companies of The Knack and subsequently understudied Albert Finney in the title role of Luther.
In addition to winning international acclaim for his Hair score,
Galt MacDermot composed the music for Two Gentlemen of Verona
which appears earlier in this volume.
Prior to his eventful debut as a theatre composer, Mr. MacDermot
was variously a writer of rock and jazz songs, a piano player for
HAR| 383
dance bands, and a church organist. Hair was his first show. Subsequently, he composed music for productions of Hamlet, Twelfth
Night, The Tale of Cymbeline, and a series of modern ‘works, most
notably, the background scores for the Tony Award-winning Sticks
and Bones and Tennessee Williams’s Vieux Carré.
A film version of Hair, directed by Milos Forman, is scheduled
for release in 1978.PRODUCTION NOTES
Hair ir originally origis was presented by the New York Shakespeare Festival
(J‘::e;hgl"napp),' Producer) at the Anspacher Theatre, New York, on
October 17, 1967. The cast was as follows:
Dionne
“«Dad”
Directed by Gerald Freedman L
Scenery Desij by Ming Cho Lee
Costuezes Dgilged by Theoni V. Aldredge
Lighting by Martin Aronstein
Musical Director: John Morris
Associate Producer: Bernard Gersten
Jonelle Allen
Ed Crowley
Walker Daniels
Steve Dean
Sally Eaton
Marijane Maricle
Jill O’'Hara
Shelley Plimpton
Gerome Ragni
Arnold Wilkerson
Susan Batson
Linda Compton
Suzannah Evans
Jane Levin
Alma Robinson
Warren Burton
Thommie Bush
William Herter
Paul Jabara
Bob Johnson
Edward Murphy, Ir.
HAIR | 385
Hair opened on Broadway on April 29, 1968. It was presented by
Michael Butler in the Natoma Production, at the Biltmore Theatre,
with the following cast:
Ron Ronald Dyson
Claude James Rado
Berger Gerome Ragni
Woof Steve Curry
Hud Lamont Washington
Mother Sally Eaton
Jonathan Kramer
Paul Jabara
Father Robert 1. Rubinsky
Suzannah Norstrand
Lamont Washington
Jeanie Sally Eaton
Dionne Melba Moore
Sheila Lynn Kellogg
Crissy Shelley Plimpton
Tourist Couple Jonathan Kramer
Robert I. Rubinsky
Box Office Steve Gamet
General Grant Paul Jabara
Young Recruit Jonathan Kramer
Parents Diane Keaton
Robert I. Rubinsky
The Tribe Donnie Burks
Lorri Davis
Leata Galloway
Steve Gamet
Walter Harris
Diane Keaton
Hiram Keller
Marjorie LiPari
Emmaretta Marks
Natalie Mosco
Suzannah Norstrand
Robert 1. Rubinsky386 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Tom O’Horgan
g:;dgslgned by Robin Wagner
Dance Director: Julie Arenal
Musical Director: Galt MacDermot
Costumes: Nancy Potts
ting: Jules Fisher
Sound: Robert Kiernan
Executive Producer: Bertrand Castelli
MUSICAL NUMBERS
ACT ONE
Aquarius The Company
Introductions:
1. Manchester Claude
2. Manhattan Berger
3. Colored Spade Hud
4. Sodomy Woof
Ain’t Got No Claude, Berger, Woof,
Hud, and Company
1 Got Life Claude, Mom
Air Jeanie, Crissy, Dionne
Initials The Company
Going Down Berger and Company
Hair Claude, Berger, and
Company
My Conviction Mom
Dead End Sheila, Claude, Berger
Don’t Put It Down Berger, Woof
Frank Mills Crissy
Hare Krishna The Company
Where Do I Go Claude and Company
ACT TWO
Electric Blues The Leather Bag
Easy to Be Hard Sheila, Berger, and The
Leather Bag
Manchester (Reprise) Claude and Company
White Boys Dionne and Group
Black Boys Jeanie, Crissy, and
Another Girl
Walking in Space The Company
Prisoners in Niggertown The Company
Walking in Space (Reprise) The Company388 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Good Morning, Starshine Claude, Berger, Sheila,
and Company
The Bed The Company
Exanaplanetooch Clau.de
Climax Sheila
Sentimental Ending The Company
TIME:
The Present.
PLACE:
New York City, mostly the East Village.
THE SET:
The bare stage, totally exposed, no wing masking and, if possible,
the entire proscenium arch stripped of any curtain, thus exposing
the fly area, the grid, etc. The brick walls, the radiator Dpipes, the
stage ropes, the light-pipes, all lights, are visible, as well as the
three flag drops—perhaps some costumes might be hung on lightDipes and flown.
The floor is raked slightly and should be made to simulate dirt.
There are two permanent set pieces on the raked stage. They
are:
1. Totem Pole—stage right center—a large, authentic, beautiful
American Indian totem pole.
2. A Crucifix-Tree—stage left center—a metal, modern sculpture Crucifix, with a rather abstract Jesus on it. The Crucifix
also resembles a tree: the main cross branch, other smaller
branches. Jesus is electrified with tiny twinkling lights in his
eyes and on his body. At times, of course, the tree is climbed,
The stagehands, the stage managers, etc., will be visible in the
wings (though the wings are not brightly lit).
In short, all of the elements of this production are contained
within the stage area from the outset and are manipulated in full
view of the audience as the play progresses.
Exterior scenes make use of the dirt floor. For the interior
scenes, Oriental rugs will be rolled out by THE TRIBE themselves.
In fact, THE TRIBE will do most of the set changes, as simple as
they are.
In summary, the set:
1. Bare, exposed stage
2. Dirt, raked floor
3. Totem Pole and Crucifix-Treei
i !
390 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
4. Drops to be flown in
a. American flag—from 1776
b. Another American flag—1776
c. American flag—1967
THE SOUND will be rock music. It is very important that an
excellent sound system be used that can regulate the balances of
voice and musical instrumentation. The lyrics must be heard and
for this reason all solo singers will probably have to wear chest
mikes. Standard floor mikes will be used on occasion, as well, perhaps even in dialogue exchange for a specific effect. An engineer
should be employed to control the balance through a master panel
at the rear of the theatre.
THE CAST:
The cast numbers approximately twenty-five. There are ten principals. Two of them—MoM and DAD—are about forty-five years
old. They play six or seven different roles each, weaving through
the play as the representatives of “the older generation.” The rest
of the cast is comprised of seventeen- to twenty-five-year-olds. All
the boys have very long hair.
In addition, we will use huge puppets—ten feet tall, made in the
form of policemen—(TRIBE inside, manipulating them)—to hover
in background at appropriate moments, as well as in the aisles.
When not in use, they hang on hooks on the walls.
THE TRIBE:
THE KIDS should be approached, directorially, as a “tribe.””
Marshall McLuhan describes today’s world as a “global village.”
And today's youth is involved in group-tribal activity. So Hair
should be a group-tribal activity. An extension of what's happening. A coming-together for a common reason: a search for a way
of life that makes sense to the young, that allows the growth of
their new vision, however defined or undefined that may be; to
find an alternative to the unacceptable standards, goals, and
morals of the older generation, the establishment. (No matter that
their task may never be accomplished, or that it may.) It's what's
happening now. The tribes are forming, establishing their own way
of life, their own morality, ideology, their own mode of dress, behavior; and the use of drugs, by the way, has a distinct parallel in
ancient cultures, in tribal spiritual tradition, both East and West.
HAR| 301
THE KIDS are a tribe. At the same time, for the purpose of Hair,
they know they are on a stage in a theater, performing for an audience, demonstrating their way of life, in a sense, telling a story, in
order to persuade those who watch of their intentions, to perhaps
gain greater understanding, support, and tolerance, and thus perhaps expand their horizons of active participation toward a better,
saner, peace-full, love-full world. They are trying to turn on the
audience.
The entire opening of the show, for example, from the moment
the audience enters the theater, is THE TRIBE preparing for the cer-
?ny, the ritual, the war dance (the peace dance), the play—
air,
Note should be taken of the spiritual theme running through the
play; outer space, astrology, the earth, the heavens, interplanetary
travel, mysticism, as seen in the songs “Aquarius,” “Walking in
Space,” “Good Morning Starshine,” and “Exanaplanetooch,” espmall' y.
Also take note of the ever-present threat of the outside world on
THE TRIBE, as expressed through the presence of the large police
puppets, the projections on the walls of FBI, CIA, dark mysterious men, and MOM and DAD at times.¢
Act One
The audience enters the theater. THE TRIBE is already on stage in.
formal, dressing, putting on war paint, peace paint, dressed as Amer.
ican Indians: headbands, beads, the guys in loincloths, moccasins,
beaded dresses, etc. A small improvised tent is being pitched in the
. background. Some of THE TRIBE wear blankets. Possible use of tribal
masks, colored greasepaints used freely on faces. Rhythms drummed
on old tin pots. Occasional Indian yelps. Rising and subsiding drum
rhythms from the band. Surrounding the stage are all the props that
will be used during the course of the evening: stacks of newspapers,
rolled-up rugs, metal oil drums, old mattresses, toy props that are
used during the war scene, an umbrella with “Love” painted on it in
bright colors, sticks, poles, banners, balloons, flags, homemade improvised staffs with feathers on the ends of them, etc. The atmosphere of a primitive American Indian camp at twilight. All looks
quite primitive, tribal, and perhaps could be mistaken for another
century were it not for the twinkling Jesus on the Crucifix. This is the
ELECTRIC TRIBE, Bare feet, sandals, saris, loincloths, beads, old military uniforms, band uniforms, psychedelic design, incense, flowers,
oriental rugs, candles, all combine to illustrate the emergence of a
new-ancient culture among the youth.
No overture.
Twilight in the Indian camp. Drumming from tin pots, bottles,
spoons, paper bags, metal objects, etc., and the band. Rhythm building. THE TRIBE is gathering.
SOLO VOICE:
When the moon is in the seventh house
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
HAIR | 393
THE TRIBE:
Aquarius
Aquarius
SOLO VOICE: .
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind’s true liberation
THE TRIBE:
Aquarius
Aquarius
SOLO VOICE:
When the moon is in the seventh house
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
THE TRIBE:
Aquarius
Agquarius
Aquarius
Aquarius
CLAUDE (North Country accent): My name is Claude. Claude
Hooper. Claude Hooper Bukowski. I'm human being number
1005963297 dash J, Area Code 609; maybe you've seen me
around. Just another number. The most beautiful beast in the forest. I come from Manchester, England.
Manchester England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And I'm a genius genius
1 believe in Gawd394 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
And 1 believe that Gawd
Believes in Claude
That's me that's me
Now that I've dropped out
Why is life dreary dreary
Answer my weary query
Timothy Leary dearie
CLAUDE and BERGER:
Manchester England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And I'm a genius genius
I believe in Gawd
And 1 believe that Gawd believes in Claude
That’s me that's he
That’s me that's he
That’s me that's he
That's me
BERGER (Indian war whoop):
Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo
Manhattan beggar
Manhattan gypsy
Manhattan Indian
I'm a whole new thing
I'm a lot of wild
Ev'ryday of the week
I'm society’s freak
I'm a flower child
Manhattan tomtom
Manhattan tattoo
Manhattan tomahawk
I'm a whole new thing
A mutated breed
I'm a penniless head
Won't you gimme some bread
To feed my need
HAIR | 395
Hashish
Cocaine
Heroin
Opium
LSD
bMT
STP, BMT, A&P, IRT, APC, alcohol,
Cigarettes, rubber cement, Scotch
Tape, saffron, shoe polish,
Morning glory seeds, cough syrup,
Nutmeg, Ann Page, Dexedrine,
Benzedrine, Methedrine, TW A,
S-E-X and Y-0-U. WOW!
My name is George Berger. But I don’t dig George, so just call me
Bnl,zanaberger. T know you people think right off, oh, look, dear,
isn’the a cute one, what is it a boy or a gitl? (To a woman in the
first row) Hey, lady, can you spare a handout, something for a
poor young‘ psychedelic teddy bear like me? To keep my chromosomes
HUD: (Dressed like a medicine man) Comes the eclipse. I cover the
white moon. I don’t exist.
BERGER: More on Vietnam in a moment.
HUD:
Walla walla
Gooba gooba
CLAUDE (s interpreter): Hud is mean, Hud is bad.
HUD:
Walla walla
Booga booga
CLAUDE: Hud whips women. Hud is happy.
HUD:
Walla walla
Colored Spade396 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
A Pickaninny
Jungle Bunny Jigaboo
Nigger Coon and Cotton Picker
Mau Mau and Ubangi-lipped Swamp Guinea
Im
Uncle Tom and Aunt Jemima
Voodoo zombie Little Black Sambo
Resident of Harlem
And President of
the United States of Love
woor: And if you ask him to dinner feed him:
HUD:
Watermelon
Hominy Grits
Alligator ribs
An Shortnin’ Bread
CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF:
And if you don’t watch out
(HUD taps)
The Boogie Man will .vhput
(HUD taps)
HUD:
Boooooooooooo!
(Stops tapping. Catholic Latin incantation by THE TRIBE, BERGER
swings smoking Catholic incense chalice)
WwooF (Holding out an imaginary bit of something): This is the body
and blood of Jesus Christ and I’m going to eat you. (He eats it,
crosses himself, kneels, raising his right hand) 1 swear to tell you
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me
God, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost,
Amen.
HARR | 397
Sodomy
Fellatio
Cunninlingus
Pederasty
Father
Why do these words
Sound so nasty
Masturbation can be fun . . .
I'm Catholic, my & name is Woof, and I refuse to join joi the YMCA or
;I:tepautht;re (;:erm.ghs.th Tlhcg' advertise it as a Christian organization,
(Orims i) cy have in the lobby y are Protestant ansies. Pans;, Pee Pee,
HUD: I'm the Imperial Wizardof the KKK.
WOOF: 1’1;3 brainwashed people. Jesus Saves.
BERGER: I'm the Aluminum Coxman and you’ll me up uj
CLAUDE: I'm Aquarius—destined for greataess or m:glncpss.“p.
HUD:
Pm black I'm black
WOOF:
I'm pink P'm pink
BERGER:
I'm Rinso white
CLAUDE:
Imin.. . vi.. .si,..ble
(CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF, HUD join hands “} g
chord. The rhythm from the band under thua"dl'::rc‘hofmai;f;
Zlume, moves up in pitch, increases in intensity; THE TRIBE graduM{"iaim in; the rhythm from the band becomes more rapid and
% gg; the crescendo reaches its peak as the “Culpepper Minute
en” flag lowers rapidly behind the four guys. The flag: it is large,398 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
covers practically all the stage. It is a replica of an authentic Amer;.
can flag dating from approximately 1776. On it is a huge rattlesnake,
coiled, ready to strike. Above it reads: “The Culpepper Minute
Men.” In the middle reads: “Liberty or Death.” At the bottom reads;
“Don’t Tread on Me.” THE TRIBE tapers off the chord rapidly q5
CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF, and HUD go into “Aint Got No”')
ANSWERS
DIVIDED AMONG
'WOOF: OTHER THREE:
Ain’t got no home So
Ain’t got no shoes Poor
Ain’t got no money Honey
Ain’t got no class Common
Ain’t got no scarf
Ain't got no gloves Cold
Ain’t got no bed Beat
Ain’t got no pot Busted
Ain’t got no faith Catholic
(THE TRIBE panhandles the audience)
HUD: OTHER THREE:
Ain’t got no Mother Orphan
Ain’t go no culture Man
Ain’t got na friends Lucky
Ain’t got no schoolin’ ‘ Dumb
Ain’t got no shine
Ain’t got no underwear Bag
Ain’t got no soap Dirty
Ain’t got no A-train
Ain’t got no mind Lost it
(CLAUDE has put on steel-rimmed reading glasses, takes out of his
back pocket an air-mail edition of The [London] Times, moves
downstage and kneels, spreading newspaper on floor, reading it.
Stacks of newspapers all over stage. MOM comes downstage and begins dancing around CLAUDE to a “Thirties-type melody,” undressing
as she dances, down to her slip and stocking feet, placing her clothes
HAIR | 399
on the chair. CLAUDE takes no note of her, continu i
continues the seduction) 1 her, s reading. She
CLAUDE A (Exorcism of the newspaper, ) affecting North C ountry E;
lish accent, Yoga lotus position, incense, pot smoking) :'r{‘Hc’l‘lg;
there . . . ever thought how you're living smack bang in the midglobe has seen ] for generations. . And it’s your a; ge . . . you are liv- i
mgn.youarepsychmgu,yonmstoningin L y o
(He tears up pieces of newspaper)
moM: I'm beat. . .
cLAUDE: “It’s the age of electronic dinosaurs and cybernetici Indians it
and th.e 'D;fly News, the age where it's more fun than ever to be
MoM: Did you see about that job today?
CLAUDE: “An age where it’s more fun than ever to be stoned.”
(CLAUDE tears up newspaper violently)
MoM. (f;_r:mw, but still the .feductress): Mountains of paper all
over house . . . your clippings, your magazines, your newsCLAUDE keep up(Cool with the British, Timesreading trala . from . another n, opopen): H Got to
(Tears out an article very neatly)
MoM: Tear, tear, tear, you are nothing but tissue paper . . .
Al(Music it Enghh stops abruptly, amein) as CLAUDE, E, i in a mock rage, attacks Mowm,1
i 400 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
CLAUDE:
Manchester England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And Pm a genius genius
1 believe in Gawd
And I believe that Gawd believes in Claude
That's me that's me
But I don’t know how long me old man’s gonna put up with that,
do I?
Mom: He told me he's not giving you any more money.
CLAUDE: Oh, I've got to get out of this flat and start Liverpoolin’ it
up with me mates.
MoM: What are you going to do with your life? Besides disheveled
« . . what do you want to be?
CLAUDE: Kate Smith.
MoM: Start facing reality . . .
CLAUDE: Which one?
MoMm: Your father and I love you.
CLAUDE: I was bomn right here in dirty, slummy, mucky, polluted
Flushing.
MoM: Look at those trousers.
CLAUDE: I'm Aquarius and destined for greatness or madness.
MoM: So’s your father. Don’t shame us, Claude.
CLAUDE: Out onto the Technicolor streets with me daffodils . . .
MoMm: The Army. . .
CLAUDE: . . . me daffodils . . .
MoM: . . . The Army’ll make a man of you . . .
CLAUDE: . . . tambourining it up and everyone lookin’ at electronic
me.
MoM: The Army.
CLAUDE: Stand aside, sergeant.
MoM: Or the Navy.
CLAUDE: I'm sleeping out tonight.
MoM: This is where it's at, honey, not out there . . .
CLAUDE: Carryon. . .
Mowm: You will change your trousers before you leave this home . . .
and take off my beads.
CLAUDE: Mother, it’s embarrassing . . . the audience . . .
MoM (To audience): Hello, there. This is not a reservation, Tonto!
HAIR | 401
cLAUDE: This is 1968, dearie, not 1948,
moM: 1968! What have you got, 1968, may I ask? What have you
got, 1968, that makes you so damn superior and gives me such a
headache?
cLaUDE: Well, if you really want to know, 1948 . . .
1 got life, Mother
1 got laughs, Sister
1 got freedom, Brother
1 got good times, Man
1 got crazy ways, Daughter
1 got Million-Dollar Charm, Cousin
I got headaches and toothaches
And bad times, too
Like you
(MOM now has tambourine and accompanies CLAUDE)
1 got my hair
1 got my head
1 got brains
I got my ears
1 got my eyes
1 got my nose
1 got my mouth
I got my teeth
1 got my tongue
1 got my chin
1 got my neck
1 got my tits
1 got my heart
I got my soul
1 got my back
1 got my ass
I got my arms
I got my hands402 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
1 got my fingers
Got my legs
1 got my feet
I got my toes
1 got my liver
Got my blood
1 got life, Mother
1 got laughs, Sister
1 got headaches and toothaches
And bad times, too
Like you
1 got my hair
1 got my head
1 got my brains
1 got my ears
1 got my eyes
I got my nose
1 got my mouth
1 got my teeth
1 got my tongue
1 got my chin
I got my neck
1 got my tits
1 got my heart
1 got my soul
I got my back
1 got my hair
1 got my arms
1 got my hands
I got my fingers
Got my legs
1 got my ass
1 got my toes
HAIR | 403
1 got my liver
Got my blood
1 got my guts COMMENTS BY THE TRIBE:
1got my Mashkalumba!
muscles Tell *em, white man
1got life Maharishi Y ogi
life life Let it all hang out
life life Tell it like it is
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Tell him, Mom.
MoM: And you got a lot of nerve, baby.
CLAUDE:
And I'm gonna spread it around
the world, Brother
And I'm gonna spread it around
the world, Sister
And I'm gonna spread it around
the world, Mother
So everybody knows
What I got
MOM and TRIBE:
Amen.
Amen.
(MOM exits. CLAUDE runs back to game)
CLAUDE:
Ain’t got no smokes Shit
Ain’t got no job Lazy
Ain’t got no work
Ain’t got no coins
Ain’t got no pennies Hustler
Ain’t got no girl Horny
Ain’t got no ticket
Ain’t got no token Walk
Ain’t got no God Good404 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
BERGER:
Ain’t got no father Dead
Ain'tgotno T.V. Honest
Ain’t got no pizza Starvin’®
Ain’t got no Gallo Nervous
Ain’t got no sleep High
Ain’t got no rhythm White
Ain’t got no books Lovely
Ain’t got no socks Nasty
Ain’t got no sex Ugly
(BERGER sits in chair)
DAD (Very pleasant) : Well, Berger.
BERGER: (Rising) Yes, sir.
DAD: Sit down, Mr. Berger. (BERGER sifs) Do you know why I called
you in here today, Mr. Berger?
BERGER: I think so, yes.
DAD: We're getting to be well-acquainted, aren’t we? You're a bad
example for us here, Berger. And I must add you're not the only
one. We've done everything to help you, persuade you, encourage
you, and you've done nothing for yourself. You continue to make
us promises and do nothing about it.
BERGER: Is that all, sir? Can I go now?
DAD: It's a shame, Mr. Berger. I don’t understand all this.
BERGER: I hate your school.
DAD: You're such a bright boy and a good student.
BERGER: Screw your logic and reason. I'm tired of your brainwash
education.
DAD: Mr. Berger, you may dematriculate in the front office!
BERGER: (Rises and goes, turning at door, rather English) Mr. MacNamara, this is 1968 not 1967. So long, love. Super . . . super
.. .SUPEr. . .super. ..
(He exits, standing facing audience down left. DAD, in a fury, picks
up microphone to school intercom system, amplifying his voice.
BERGER stands outside in the hall listening, motionless. Three bells
ring—ding, ding, ding)
DAD: Attention. Attention. This is your principal, Mr. MacNamara.
(Ding, ding, ding) All right, now, what is this school becoming? A
costume party? Some kind of a giant festival dizzyland? Some stuHAIR | 405
dents in this school have been ignoring PS 183’s Personal Appearance Code, upsetting the morale of their classmates, distracting
their fellow students, and I know the teachers feel their teaching is
adversely affected in the presence of these apparitions. Well . .
one of your rebellious beatnik leaders has just been expelled by me
.?;ld let this be an ultimatum to the rest of you. This is World War
1L
THE TRIBE:
Help
Ain’t got no home So
Ain’t got no shoes Poor
Ain’t got no money Honey
Ain’t got no class Common
Ain’t got no scarf
Ain’t got no gloves Cold
Ain’t got no bed Beat
Ain’t got no pot Busted
Ain’t got no faith Catholic
DAD (With whip and gun): Mr. Berger.
BERGER (Growling likea lion) : Yes, sir.
DAD: Be seated.
BERGER: The girls love my look, they flock to me,
(Al THE TRIBE, a5 lions, flock to BERGER)
DAD: We've become well-acquainted,
BERGER: I'm busy.
DAD: Bright boy.
BERGER: No, thanks.
DAD: Fine student.
BERGER: Thanks, love.
DAD: Are you hopeless?
BERGER: Watch me!
DAD: We've tried.
BERGER (The last line as a lion): Channel 13,
DAD: I'm hip.
BERGER: Mr. MacNamara,
DAD: YouMr.hair, Berger, youy drese we do not ™ send d o our chemistry i teachers on trips. i
BERGER (Now a cheerleader) : Macy’s Bargain Basement.406 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
THE TRIBE (Responding to the cheer, in BERGER’s rhythm): Macy’s
Bargain Basement.
DAD: But this, Mr. Berger.
BERGER (Cheerleader): Call me Doctor Spock.
THE TRIBE: Call me Doctor Spock.
DAD: The last monstrous straw.
BERGER: Another chance?
DAD: Sorry.
BERGER (Cheerleader): Ob, the social stigma.
THE TRIBE: Oh, the social stigma.
DAD: Further remarks?
BERGER (Cheerleader): This is 1968, not 1967.
THE TRIBE: This is 1968, not 1967.
DAD (As a Nazi): You may dematriculate in the front office, Mr.
Berger.
BERGER (“Heil Hitler”): Mr. MacNamara.
THE TRIBE (“Heil Hitler”) : Mr. MacNamara.
DAD (To audience) : General Hershey says draft 'em!
BERGER: Hell, No, We Won’t Go!
THE TRIBE:
Hell, No, We Won’t Go
Hell, No, We Won’t Go
DAD: President Johnson says call up the reserves.
THE TRIBE: .
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won’t Go
DAD: Governor Reagan says turn the schools into concentration
camps.
BERGER: Brainwash the masses!
THE TRIBE:
What do we think is really great? .
To bomb lynch and segregate
What do we think is really great?
To bomb lynch and segregate
DAD: Pope Paul says Stop the Peace Demonstrators!
THE TRIBE:
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
Black White Yellow Red
Copulate in a King-Size Bed
Black White Yellow Red
Copulate in a King-Size Bed
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won't Go
Hell, No, We Won't Go
What Do We Want
Peace
When Do We Want It
Now
What Do We Want
Freedom
When Do We Want It
Now
Peace Now
Freedom Now
Peace Now
Freedom Now
Peace Now
Freedom Now
Ain’t got no grass
4in’t got no acid
Ain’t got no clothes
Ain’t got no pad
Ain’t got no apples
Ain’t got no knife
Ain’t got no guns
Ain’t got no garbage
HAIR | 407
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
No No No No No
Can'’t take no trip
Can’t blow my mind
You're full of puss
You're full of piss
We got balls
Can't cut you up
We got bananas
White trash408 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
CLAUDE (Who has been burning a piece of paper during the above) ;
Ain’t got no draft card Burned it
THE TRIBE:
Burned it burned it burned it burned it
(“Burned It” overlaps the following)
Ain’t got no earth
Ain’t got no fun
Ain’t got no bike
Ain’t got no pimples
Ain’t got no trees
Ain’t got no air
Ain’t got no water
City
Banjo
Toothpicks
Shoelaces
Teachers
Football
Telephone
Records
Doctor
Brother
M-1, bang bang bang
M-2, bang bang bang
(In unison)
A Bombs
H Bombs
P Bombs
Q Bombs
HAIR | 409
Chinese Checks
Hindus
Bindus
Italianos
Polacks
Germans
Youse
Jews
Ups and downs
On’ems and in ’ems
(Shouting to the audience now, out of rhythm, overlapping each
other, not in unison)
Vietnam, Johnson, high school, sex, coffee, books, food, scissors,
magazines, news, cigarettes, cancer, LSD, 007, Supermans, Bat-~
mans, Castros, Subways, Con Edisons, Hollywood, Napalm, Tuesday Weld, Burton-Taylor, Pop art, Pop off, popcorn, popsicle,
Andy Warpop, pop paper, pop up, Popeye, poppers, lipstick,
dresses, combs, glasses, leather, sandals, harmonicas, England,
Outer Space, astronauts, Jesus, air, air, gair,’ air, air, air, air,
air. . .
(CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF, HUD are gasping for air, as JEANIE,
CRISSY, and DIONNE come forward)
JEANIE:
Welcome, sulfur dioxide
Hello, carbon monoxide
The air the air
1Is everywhere
Breathe deep
While you sleep
Breathe deep
Bless you, alcohol bloodstream
Save me, nicotine lung steam
Incense incense
Is in the air410 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Breathe deep
While you sleep
Breathe deep
Cataclysmic ectoplasm
Fallout atomic orgasm
Vapor and fume
At the stone of my tomb
Breathing like
A sullen perfume
Eating at
The stone of my tomb
Welcome, sulfur dioxide
Hello, carbon monoxide
The air the air
Is everywhere
Breathe deep
While you sleep
Breathe deep
(Cough)
Deep
(Cough)
Deep deep deep
(Cough)
1 wired my parents for money . . . I told them I was stranded.
They said: Stay stranded.
DIONNE: That’s Jeanie.
JEANIE: I live with a whole bunch of people on Teeny Bopper Island. . .
HARR | 411
DIONNE: She loves Claude.
JEANIE: Third Street and Avenue C. Claude is my acid. Claude is
my trip. Methedrine’s a bad scene. And Claude loves me.
(ANGELA, CRISSY, and DIONNE shake their heads behind her back.
They exit. The Culpepper Minute Men flag is pulled back and we are
in The Intergalactic Bathtub—there is a sign which designates this
tribal hangout.
As a yellow bathtub and Oriental rug are being rolled out, the kids
sing and dance)
[Note: MOM and DAD sit at an upstage table perhaps, facing the action on the stage, and react as an extension of the audience]
THE TRIBE:
LBJ took the IRT
Down to 4th Street USA
When he got there what did he see
The youth of America on LSD
LBJ IRT
US4 LSD
LsSD LBJ
FBI Cl4
FBI CIA
LSD LBJ
(BERGER enters)
WOOF (Reading a nudist pornography magazine) : Berger!
BERGER: Woof!
HUD: Berger!
BERGER: Hud! (English accent) Claude here yet?
HUD: No.
(BERGER jumps. Takes his key from his pocket)
BERGER (The height of cool): He entered. He locked the door. He
checked out the scene. He put his right hand on his left breast and
stretched his left arm high above his head, waving to his blue-eyed
soul brothers with a smile. A hush came over the room— (Italian
accent) Ladies and gentlemen, listen, when I drop-a dead, when-a412 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
my heart-a go pzzzzzzzat, like-a this, I want to be buried in a
bronze-a casket, beautiful-a bronze, no clothes, nothing, put-a me
down stomach first, like-a this, everybody come-a see me, they
come-a kiss-a my ass.
He put out his hand and said: “Lay me five, man, I'm free like a
cockroach.”
WOOF (Skinning BERGER’s hand) : I'm screwed up like a nudist.
BERGER: Blowing his cool, he said . . . (Now he bursts with excitement) Woof, Woof, baby, Hud . . . I finally got out. Out. Out.
woor: Out of who?
BERGER:
Me and Lucifer
Lucifer and me
Just like the angel that fell
Banished forever to Hell
Today have I been expelled
From high school Heaven
Elevator going down
Going down
Going down
Everybody going down
Going down
Going down
This is my doom, my humiliation
October, not June, and it’s summer vacation
Such a disgrace, how can I face the nation
Why should this pain bring me such strange elation
Escalator going down
Going down
Going down
Everybody going down
Going down
Going down
Emancipation Proclamation
Oh, Dr. Lincoln, my head needs shrinkin’
Lu hu b lu Ju du lu Ju lu I Iu lu Lucifer and me
Doomed from here to eternity
Baa baa baa
Growing up going down
Going down
Going down
Growing up going down
Going down
Going down
Forgive me if I don’t cry
It’s like the Fourth of July
Thank God that angels can fly
From high school heaven
Everybody going down
Going down
Going down
Thank God that angels can fiy
From high school heaven
Everybody going down
Going down
Going down
Thank God that angels can fiy
From high school heaven
(Amos ’n’ Andy dialect)
Waiter, waiter.
HAR| 413
HUD (Very British) : Oh, yes, sir. You rang, sir? What is the master’s
pleasure this time?
BERGER (Pointing to various objects all over the stage): I'll have one
of those and one of those and that and that and that over there414 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
and this over here and that way over there and one of those one of
those that and that and . . . YOU!
(BERGER empties small bottle of pills on the table)
HUD (Still British) : Oh, yes, sir. Three cups of blood.
BERGER: And make it fast.
HUD: You see the color of my skin. It’s white, sir. And you remember that. It's white, white, white. 'm no slave of yours. P'm white.
(Goes to get three cups of coffee)
WOOF (Upper British accent) :
Digger Digger
Dirty Nigger
Digger Nigger
Pull the Trigger
Nigger Nigger
Grows it Bigger
HUD: Oh, yes, sir, and don’t you forget it.
(Behind the next THE TRIBE sings softly)
THE TRIBE:
Everybody going up
Going up
Going up
Everybody going up
Going up
Going up ‘
Etc.
BERGER (Dividing the pills into three piles): One for Billy Graham,
one for Prince Philip, and one for Joe Louis. One for Cardinal
Spellman, one for Rabbi Schultz, one for Muhammad Ali. One for
Shirley Temple, one for Ronald Reagan, and one for Miss Rheingold.
(WOOF starts to drink)
BERGER: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! Not yet hophead. (Bronx Jewish accent) My daughter. Let me tell you about my daughter. She sees
flying saucers and monsters and all sorts of these things. And now
she’s floating around in that San Francisco somewhere . . . and all
because of these pills.
ONE OF THE TRIBE: Oy!
HAIR | 415
BERGER (He toasts): Up PS 183,
aup: Blood in your eye.
BERGER: Hud, can I pitch my tent here tonight?
nup: Feel free.
wooF: I gotta kick this drug bag. It’s a bad scene.
BERGER: I don’t care if you hate me for telling you this, but you've
got bad breath.
wooF: Can I sleep with you tonight, Berger?
BERGER: Sure. Come on in. And, Woof, don’t tell Claude about
school; let me tell him. (7o audience—very square) High School
Dropouts: Dial OR 7-7390 for our Free Booklet telling how you
can get your diploma learning at home-a. This is a recording.
(CLAUDE enters)
CLAUDE: This is Claude’s day.
BERGER: Claudio! (CLAUDE does not move) Wait wait wait . . .
don’t tell me.
(CLAUDE and BERGER and WooF and wup nod heads simultaneously)
WwooF: No kidding.
BERGER: Aw, Claude, that’s death, man . . .
HUD: Tough luck, baby . . .
CLAUDE: I've thought it over . . . I'll tell them 'm i
out in Toronto. * fageot and hide
(C‘I.AUDE picks up battery-powered megaphone, speaks into it,
refwdmg from his notebooks, first pantomiming taking a drag from a
stick of marijuana)
“Ode to a Stick”
Poem
by Pfc Claude Hooper Bukowski
(Electronic beeps, blurps, bells, and tinkles in background)
Pick up my glowworm
(Another drag)
My little magic fellow
My little block of gold
My little blue flame
My little cloud in the sky
My little poison ivy
My little nonconformist
My little American bird
My little magic flower416 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
My litde electricity blowhole
My little white erection
My little garden of heaven
My little high above the tree castle
My little village far below
My little rug of grass
My little sunny balloon farm
My little growing on the hills
My little daybreak crumbles away
My little weird weed
My little Sunday breeze
My little raft of wood
My little naked tree
My little streak across the sky
My little special sunset
My little raindrop bed
My little whisper to the world
My little beautiful thing
My little swallow me
My little wrinkled old man
My little Lord of the Rings
(Another drag)
Pick up my glowworm.
BERGER: The doctors dug your body, huh.
CLAUDE: They’re hot for my ding-dong.
BERGER: Didn't you tell them you're going to Pratt next year?
CLAUDE (English): They're queer for me gear. They flipped. Next
year means shit. I'm not going in. I'll eat it first. I'm not.
WOOF; Eat what?
CLAUDE: My draft card.
BERGER: I thought you burned it.
CLAUDE: That was my driver’s license.
WooF: Eat it on CBS Television.
CLAUDE: Berger, help me. How am I gonna get out of going?
BERGER: Dance bare-assed down Forty-second Street.
wooF: Tell them you're a closet queen.
HUD: Shave your armpits.
CLAUDE: C’'mon—what am I gonna do?
BERGER (English): Do you think homosexuality is here to stay,
love?
HARR | 417
WOOF: CLAUDE: BERGER: HUD: BERGER: can’tBet Do sleep Tell 11{‘:;,0 the they induction without them dear, me knowyour with until me. she’s officer mother you. something a Viet Tell your volunteered Cong? them cock betteris P'mcomes bigger toyour fight along. than gifend irlfri in his. your place. and you
HUD: Uncle Sambo Wants You!
CLAUDE they're (Starts (To to defending burn audience): a card) over there. 1 want to be over here “oing doi the tings i
BERGER; Become a nun.
HUD: Wet the bed, baby.
munn:(’l);hey’re not gonna cut it off.
BERGER HooperBl::kowski—New (Reading the burning Yorkcard Public in cLaupg's Library. hand): M. Claude
CLAUDE: I‘]lgeth‘lledo:alegshotofiorsomuhlng. Berger, help me, no kidding around . . . if they draft m
. .l!gowit. e,
CLAUDE: It’s not funny, Berg . . . I'm not going . . . it took me
years to get it like this, and 'm not gonna let them do it.
THE TRIBE: Ahhh|
(“The Caissons Go Rolling Along”)
Lift your skirt point your toe
Volunteer for the USO
Bake cookies and Dies for our guys
BERGER, WOOF, HUD:
Lift your skirt point Yyour toe
Volunteer for the USO
Bake cookies and pies for our guys
(BERGER asks woman in the audience for lipstick)
(“Anchors Aweigh”)
Your legs—Shave the hair off418 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Your eyebrows—Pluck ‘em
Refuse to take your underwear off
And if they make you pucker your lips up and puck ’em
(“The Marine Hymn"")
You'll forget your Ruby Tuesday,
You'll forget Michelle Your Belle
As for Lovely Rita Meter Maid
(BERGER puts lipstick on CLAUDE)
Well, she can go to Hell
Even Mother Sweet cannot compete
With the neatest piece we’ve seen
Claudine Hooper Bukowski
She’s the Queen of the United States Marines
Nervous Nellie
(MOM and DAD, who have gotten up from the back table, approach the young men. MOM is dominant; DAD has a camera and a
pad and pencil and takes notes)
MoM (To CLAUDE): Young man, excuse me. May I introduce myself. (She hands cLAUDE a Kleenex. He removes his lipstick)
Here's my card. I did overhear just a wee portion of your conversation, and I would like to ask you a question, if you wouldn’t
mind.
CLAUDE: Sure, of course, what is it?
MoMm: Well . . . (She giggles) . . . this may sound a bit naive . . .
foolish . . . oh, my, I don’t know why I feel so embarrassed . . . I
. . . being a visitor from another generation like myself . . .
CLAUDE: Cool it. (She fans herself, using her hand) What would you
like to know?
MoMm: Well. . . why? . . .Imean. . .why? Why? (She climbs up
on chair CLAUDE is sitting in, straddling him) Why? Why?
(BERGER places another poster against the counter: “Ronald
Reagan Is a Lesbian™)
CLAUDE: You mean this?
(Holds up a strand of his own hair, while putting his arms around
MOM's legs; outrageous orgiastic actions)
HAIR | 419
MOM (Rubbing her hands through CLAUDE's hair): Yes . . . why
that? I mean, is it because you're a . . . oh, dear . . . Are you?
« « . please forgive me . . .areyou. . .a. . .Hippie?
(She caresses CLAUDE passionately as the stage falls apart. Glitter
dust is thrown by THE TRIBE, bells, horns, rattles, great reaction. to
“the magic word”)
BERGER: Is the Pope Catholic?
DAD (A timid soul, but he sits on the floor, grabs hold of CLAUDE’s
leg and begins pushing trouser leg up) : Who are your heroes?
(WOOF displays a poster he has made: “Jesus Was a Catholic”)
BERGER: Medusa.
(He embraces MoM who kisses him)
DAD (Rubbing CLAUDE’s leg while grabbing for his wife) : Aa-hal
HUD: Wonder Woman.
WOOF (T'rying to climb up on the chair, 100): Prince Valiant,
DAD: Aa-hal
BERGER: Orphanie Annie.
CLAUDE: Vernica Lake,
DAD: Oh-ho!
HUD (Who does not have long hair, of course, joins the throng of intertwined bodies): It's very simple . . . you ask me why? Like I
like the feel of the silky strands on my ears and the back of my
neck ?and on my shoulders. Goose-bump time—know what I
mean'
MoMm: That’s very interesting. (7o DAD) You see, he does it for the
sensual experience.
(Now caressing HUD Ppassionately)
That’s why . . . HUD (To DAD):
That’s why
That's why You dig my Dixie Peach?
That’s why i ot
That’s why DAD:
That’s why 1 dig your Dixie Peach!
(Poster: “Hair”)
CLAUDE (Breaks up the orgy with the start of his singing . . . or perhaps the orgy could continue into song):
She asks me why
Don’t ask me!420 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don’t ask me why—Don’t know
1t's not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darlin’
Give me a head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining gleaming streaming
Flaxen waxen
Give me down-to-there hair
Shoulder-length or longer
As long as God can grow it
Flow it
Show it
Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Flow it
Show it .
Long as God can grow it
My hair
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas
In my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain’t no words
For the beauty the splendor
The wonder of my
Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Flow it
Show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
I want it long straight curly fuzzy
Snaggy shaggy ratty matty
Oily greasy fleecy
Shining gleaming streaming
Flaxen waxen
Knotted polka-dotted
Twisted beaded braided
Powdered flowered and confettied
Bangled tangled spangled and spaghettied
Oh, say you can see my eyes
If you can
Then my hair's too short
Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
They’ll be ga-ga at the go-go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond brilliantined
Biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah, I adore it
Hallelujah, Mary loved her son
Why don’t my mother love me
HAR| 421e
422 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Hair Hair Hair
Flow it
Show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
(MoM ecstatically embraces the BOYS, this time with warm, motherly affection. DAD shakes all their hands)
MoM: 000000, these boys love to dress up like this . . . I love them
.. .Ilove all of you . . . I wish every mother and father would
make a speech to their teenagers: “Be free . . . no guilt . . . be
whoever you are . . . do whatever you want . . . just so you don’t
hurt anyone . . . I am your friend. Can we get a picture of you?
(BERGER gives MOM his key)
BOYS: Sure.
mom: Hubert!
cLaubE: BE MANIPULATED!
ONE OF THE TRIBE:
1 wanna be in pictures . . .
That's why I'm here, to be in pictures . . .
wooF (In a whisper to BERGER): See him? That’s you two years
from now. ‘
BERGER (To WOOF): See her? That's you one year from now. (To
MoM aloud) Love your dress, call me Thursday.
MoM: Thank you. Ready, Hubert? (The four guys line up for a picture—DAD uses Polaroid Swinger camera) Get the best. YES,
dear. Don’t go past it. YES!
(BERGER puts his hand on CLAUDE’s crotch as DAD focuses. Neither
DAD nor MOM sees this)
CLAUDE: We're the Grope Group!
(DAD snaps the picture)
MoM: Thank you. Thank you one and all.
(To audience)
I would just like to say that it is my conviction
That longer hair and other flamboyant affectations
HAR | 423
Of appearance are nothing more
Than the male’s emergence from his drab camouflage
Into the gaudy plumage
Which is the birthright of his sex
There is a peculiar notion that elegant plumage
And fine feathers are not proper for the man
When actually that is the way things are
In most species
(THE TRIBE holds out their hands for money)
Good-bye, all you sweet little flowerpots.
(DAD and MOM exit)
THE TRIBE: Fuck you, Margaret Mead.
(As if saying, most cheerily: “Thank you, Margaret Mead”)
HUD: Scene One: Sheila’s Entrance.
CLAUDE (To audience): Fasten your jockstraps!
BERGER: She is flying in at an altitude of 10,000 rubles.
(SHEILA enters carrying purse, packages, cardboard posters)
SHEILA: Bergerbaby, I thought that was you.
WOOF (He does a kazoo flourish): It's Joan of Arc. (He gives another kazoo toot) .
SHEILA:
Sheila Franklin
Second Semester
NYU
And she’s a protester
(l_)ropplug her belongings)
Hi, Hud. (HUD runs to SHEILA, kisses her entire body as she talks
to. audience) T'll probably major in social psychology garbage. Or I
might flunk out or quit. My mother and father and older sister and
her hufzband and baby live in Port Chester. I live in the East Village wu.th a sweet painter, Andrew . . . who moved in after I had
an afim. with that one . . . (She throws a daffodil at BERGER, who
raises his hand) . . . and Pm much happier. (Breaking from embrace with wuD and speaking to BERGER) Is that cool enough for
you? (To audience) I'm very social-injustice conscious.424 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
She loves protests in the park
Like he said: she’s Joan of Arc
Voices and all
Sheila Franklin
CLAUDE, WOOF, HUD:
Sheila Franklin
SHEILA (Running to WOOF, hugging him): Runaway Woof, the
flower child.
WOOF (As SHEILA is hugging him—to BERGER): Bananaberger,
Sheila’s back, baby.
Hup: Scene Two: Sheila and Berger.
BERGER: This Indian land—buzz off. .
cLAUDE: When did you get in? I thought you were picketing in D.C.
BERGER: Protesting!!! 1t
SHEILA: Spreading the groovy revolution.
WOOF (Tlln)rows his arm around BERGER’s neck): Let’s go over to the
park, men, and scare some tourists. §
sHEILA (To audience): Isn’t love beautiful?
BERGER: Hello, Sheila.
suEILA: Hello, Claude. ) )
(Note: BERGER is being pleasant, genuinely, to sm;xu‘; SHEILA is
the one who is resentful and refuses to say “Hello, Berger”)
CcLAUDE: Hello, Sheila.
BERGER: Hello, Sheila.
cLAUDE: Hello, Sheila.
(Pause)
sHEILA: Hello, Claude. "
‘WwooF: C’'mon, man, let’s split. i .
SHEILA: Guess what, Claude? From Prmden:nt Johnson’s bedroom
window, Eartha Kitt waved to Sheila Franklin!
BERGER: Disgrace! .
CLAUDE (Tagl'-lub): Another cup of blood for (Pointing to SHEILA)
LBJ. .
sHEILA (Looking at BERGER): Thanks, Aquarius. : )
HUD (R(eading from a magazine): “The draft is white people sending
black people to make war on yellow people to defend the land
they stole from red people.”
‘
HAIR | 425
CLAUDE: We missed you, Sheila.
sHEILA: Did you really?
CLAUDE: Didn’t we miss her, Berger?
BERGER: Yeah! We did.
SHEILA (Speaks to BERGER for first time, handing him poster material): Berger has to help Sheila make posters.
(She returns to CLAUDE)
BERGER: We're always making posters, Miss Poster. What're the
posters for this time?
SHEILA: For the end of the show, stupid. (To cLAuDE) Did Berger
miss Sheila?
BERGER: Claude missed Sheila.
HuD: Tomorrow morning on the front steps at City Hall there will be
a huge suck-in for peace. Bring your blankets and something to
suck.
woor: What did she get you this time?
SHEILA (Holding up yellow satin shirt to cLAUDE): Sheila brought
back Berger a beautiful yellow satin shirt, Take that filthy rag off.
(Throws shirt to BERGER) Claude, help me make these posters.
(Taking posters from BERGER to CLAUDE)
BERGER: 0000000000, Sheilal My eyes cannot behold such
beauty . . .
SHEILA (To BERGER): You dig, delicious?
(BERGER takes off his shirt)
WOOF: A body’s a wonderful thing.
SHEILA (Scratches BERGER’s back) : Give me some skin, baby.
HUD: Scene Three: Sheila’s Rape!
(CLAUDE fears holes in paper napkin, opens it, Dpastes it on his face
as a mask)
BERGER: Oo000, Sheila, you shouldn’t have . .. I'm turned on,
flipped out, switched on . . . you really shouldn’t have done it. It’s
too boss, a groove, a gas. Send me to Saigon, it’s the grassy end
+ . . it’s just superlative . . .
SHEILA: Berger, stop it . . . you like it?
BERGER (Suddenly very angry): Don't tell me to stop. You always
do that. You don’t allow me to have any friends, you’re jealous,
suspicious, you use the double standard, you test me, spy on me,
you nag, nag, nag, you won't allow me to be myself, you follow
me, you're always picking a fight, and then you expect me to love
you. . . well, I can’t have sex that way . . . sex! That's the last
thing I'd want . . .!
i
q
i
426 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
SHEILA: Berger, you're so crazy, I adore you. Please put it on.
BERGER: It’s super-goosey-gassy. I'm turny on-ey, I'm flipey outey,
stoney switchey oney, I'm freakey outey, hungey-upey, I'm hung,
I'm hung, I'm hung, 'm hung, P'm hung, P'm hung, 'm hung . ,
(During this next, he grabs WOOF and has him get on top of
SHEILA, screwing her) . . . head like a freaked-out Frankcnstein,
belt buckle ajar, write “Fugs” on the wall, I'm buzzin’ out on glue
you, stand back banana, airplane, rocket, pencil, smoke stack, I'm
hung on the sides, over the ears, down my leg and straight down
my back, open the door, pull it out . . . my shirt collar . . . I'm
hung . . . everybody groove and stare . . . no underwear . . . I'm
hung . . . (BERGER collapses onto WOOF’s sleeping bag, as though
he has just expended himself in an orgasm) Woof, it’s sex, not a
stomach ache.
[Note: BERGER has just fucked SHEILA in public. Or rather raped
her in public. BERGER has had his orgasm. She was fighting him off
and reacts to his attack]
HUD: Scene Four: Claude loves Sheila.
CLAUDE (Removing napkin-mask from his face, as though nothing
had happened) : Sheila, I wrote a great part for you in my movie.
SHEILA: Huh?
CLAUDE: I wrote a great part for you in my movie.
SHEILA: Huh?
CLAUDE: Yes, I did.
SHEILA (In shock): We have to make posters. We have to make
posters. "
(Poster in Background..“Legalize Abortion™)
CLAUDE: It's about a chick hung up on this straight cat . . . no, it
isn’t. . . . It’s about this girl in love with this square guy . . . but
she gets mixed up with somebody like Berger . . . searching for
her self-identity, you know, alienated youth in a totally committed
society and all that shit. . . . Here . . . See: “Sheila: nineteen
years old, waist-length, straight, mouse-blond hair, unkempt, some~
what unclean, very bright, the least dressy of all the girls, but
pretty underneath it all. Involved in protest marches and a student
at NYU.”
SHEILA: Let me see that. (She takes script and reads) “Berger?
Eighteen years old, long dark hair, bright, funny, wild, but serious
underneath it all. Claude’s best friend. Woof! Hud!” Your movie’s
about us!
HARR | 427
cLaupE: I told you. Here, read this scene with me. (Reading) “Medium long shot: Sheila and Claude entering the bar.” (To SHEILA
with North Country English accent) “Don’t you ever get lonely?”
sHEILA: “Of course I do, but I don’t dwell on it, do I?”
CLAUDE: “What would you like to drink?”
sHEILA: “Just coffee.”
cLAUDE: “T'll have a Guinness, please. 'm sorry, Sheila. Shouldn’t
have been so careless . . . all my fault.”
sHEmLA: “I just hope I'm not knocked up. I don’t want to have a
baby, do I?”
cLAuDE: “I wonder if you would say the same thing if it were
Berger’s baby.”
sHEILA: Claude, I don’t understand why you’re writing this about
me!
CLAUDE: “You still love Berger and you're having my baby.”
SHEILA: “Oh, Claude, please let’s not start again. I can’t take it.” Oh,
Claude, please with this. I really can’t take it.
CLAUDE (Hitting the table hard): “All right, I don’t care what you
do. Get rid of it if that’s what you want.”
SHEILA: Claude, excuse me, please, before I throw up. You've got a
sick mind. Write a poster! (CLAUDE takes his script and a poster
and sits in bathtub. Turning to Berger) You really like the shirt?
BERGER: Why don’t you give it to Claude? Il look better on him.
wooF: Give it to me.
SHEILA: I’m trying to control myself. Sometimes you go just too far.
BERGER: What do you want from my life? Just leave me alone.
sHEILA: Cool it, baby. Groove on a poster.
BERGER: Sheila.
SHEILA: Creative time! I didn’t know I could still get to you.
BERGER: Sheila, who’s gonna leave? You or me?
SHEILA: Why’re you so uptight, groovy?
wooF (To cLAUDE) : He got kicked out of school.
CLAUDE: What?
BERGER: Woof!
wooF: He got kicked out of school!
SHEILA: What do youmean. . .hegot. . .hegot. ..
BERGER: Burn the schools to the ground, men. Graffiti the blackboards.
SHEILA: When did it happen? . . . This is terrible.428 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
BERGER: This morning and it’s a groovy day. I switch off, move me
to Suburbia. I surrender. Carpet me wall-to-wall. (To CLAUDE,
climbing into bathtub) Move over. I'm Vietnam bait, Claudio.
wooF: If I hear this Vietnam one more time, I'm leaving this theater.
sHEILA: He got kicked out?
craupe: High school drop-outs should drop dead.
SHEILA: Wait a minute . . . wait a minute.
WwooF: Sheila, do you know any groovy miniskirts?
SHEILA: Shut up, Quasimodo!
BERGER: Don’t get your balls in an uproar, Sheila. School never did
anything for my twentieth-century computer.
CLAUDE: Shit, 'm a patriot, but I'm a patriot for the whole damn
world.
BERGER: Education squashes my growth.
CLAUDE: I'm not going to die for my country.
SHEILA: Well, then, die for something else.
CLAUDE: I'd rather live and rot in jail a few years.
sHEILA: Claude, tell them you don’t want to kill people. Tell them
you'’re against killing people.
CLAUDE: Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt.
BERGER: Back to Miss Poster’s posters.
WOOF: Let’s blow, Berg.
SHEILA: He's irresponsible. He's insensitive. He lies.
BERGER: Let’s blow our minds on these, Toulouse.
SHEILA: He's neurotic. He’s a pothead. Let the stupid Army get him.
CLAUDE: Let the stupid Army get him? What about me?
SHEILA: He’s an uncommitted, hedonistic jerk.
BERGER: How many do we need, Miss NYU?
SHEILA: He’s paranoid.
BERGER: I thought we saved the signs from before.
CLAUDE: Sheila, how about a flick tonight or something, and we can
really talk about Berger.
BERGER: What should I say?
SHEILA: Talk about Berger in a movie?
CLAUDE: Come to the movies with me, Sheila.
SHEILA: I've got a date with the park police.
BERGER: What do you dig in that Death Body, Sheila, man? She puts
you down bad.
HAR| 429
cLAUDE: What does she dig in your Death Body, man?
BERGER: Whatever it is, I'd like to chop it off.
sHEILA: I had plans for you.
BERGER: Sheila, be a good fly. Buzz off.
(HUD enters with DIONNE, bringing two cups of coffee)
HUD: Blood for Sheila, Watusi Katanga.
SHEILA: I gotta split.
BERGER: Drink it and come together.
SHEILA (To BERGER): You and me.
CLAUDE (To SHEILA): You and me.
HUD (70 DIONNE) : Walla walla. Gooba, gooba.
WOOF (To BERGER): You and me.
BERGER: Do you know what Sheila the Sex Swamp likes to do in
bed? She loves to . . .
HUD: Miobie Manatoga.
SHEILA: Berg, oh, George Berger ... I just want to be your
friend. . .
HUD: Walla wall . . . voodoo waba . . .
DIONNE: Stop that, Hud . . . stop putting us down all the time.
Bwana bwana.
BERGER: We're finished . . . we've had it ... I don't see you
anymore.
SHEILA: You're like everything you're against.
BERGER: I never did see you.
HUD: Boogie Woogie.
DIONNE: Don’t talk that way.
SHEILA: You talk about freedom . . .
BERGER: 'm off limits to you.
CLAUDE: Let’s go see Whips and Satin on Forty-second Street.
HUD: Bad scene. Bad scene.
SHEILA: Don’t put up a wall,
CLAUDE: Come to the flicks.
BERGER: Forbidden. This way out.
SHEILA: No bicycling. No skating. No littering. No loitering. No spitting. No smoking. No eating. No tipping. No talking. No singing.
No browsing. No breathing. No loving,
Dead End
Don’t Walk
Keep Out430 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Red Light
Red Light
Steep Cliff
Beware
Mad Dog
Blind Man
Blind Man
Warning—Land Mine
High-Voltage Line
Don’t Make A Pass
Keep Off The Grass
Detour
Wet Paint
Hands Off
Dead End
Dead End
Sharp Curve
Steep Hill
Danger
One-Way
One-Way
Emer—
Gency
Exit
Only
Only
Warning—Markers Hidden
Loitering Forbidden
All Trespassers Will Be Shot
Claude Loves Sheila—He Better Love Her Not
Wet Paint
Hands Off
Keep Out
Dead End
Dead End
SHEILA:
Dead End
Don’t Walk
Keep Out
Red Light
Red Light
Steep Cliff
Beware
Mad Dog
Blind Man
Blind Man
Detour
Wet Paint
Hands Off
Dead End
Dead End
Sharp Curve
Steep Hill
Danger
One-Way
One-Way
EmerGency
Exit
Only
Only
ALL:
Dead End
Keep Out
Keep Out
Stop Sign
Turn Off
Turn Off
Warning—Land Mine
High-Voltage Line
Don’t Make A Pass
Keep Off The Grass
Detour
Do Not
Enter
No Turns
Dead End
Dead End
Keep Out
Wet Paint
Blind Man
HAIR | 431432 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Warning—Markers Hidden
Loitering Forbidden
All Trespassers Will Be Shot
Claude Loves Sheila—
He Better Love Her Not
Wet Paint Hands Off
Hands Off
" Keep Out
Di::i End Dead End
Dead End Dead End
Men Working
ad End
Dead En Men Working
d End
P No Standing
Dead End
No Parking
d End
Dea No Smoking
Dead End
o No Joking
Dead End
Dead End
My Friend
(Blackout. Lights up on BERGER and WOOF with an old, battletorn
American flag)
WOOF and BERGER (Both high):
Om mane padme om
Om mane padme om
Om mane padme om
Shanti Shanti Shanti
'WOOF: ‘
Folding the flag means taking care of the nation.
Folding the flag means putting it to bed for the night.
1 fell through a hole in the flag.
1 got lost in the folds of the flag.
HAIR | 433
WOOF and BERGER:
Don’t put it down
Best one around
Crazy for the red blue and white
Crazy for the red blue and white
You look at me
What do you see
Crazy for the white red and blue
Crazy for the white red and blue
Cause 1 look different
You think I'm subversive
Crazy for the blue white and red
Crazy for the blue white and red
My heart beats true
For the red white and blue
Crazy for the blue white and red
Crazy for the blue white and red
And yellow fringe
Crazy for the blue white red
And yellow
BERGER: C’'mon watch us burn it at the Be-In!
(BERGER and WOOF exit. CLAUDE stands next to lowered Waverly
Theater marquee. MOM, carrying stool, speaking as she enters)
MOM IN BOX-OFFICE: Waverly Theater . . . The Assassination and
Hallucination of the Marat de Sade directed by the Inmates of the
Asylum of Charenton starring Peter Brook at 8:15 and 11:10 together with The Gorilla Queen performed live by the Judson Memorial Church at ten o’clock. This is a recording and thanks for
calling the Waverly. (Hangs up—to CLAUDE) Move on, you. You
can’t stand here if you don’t buy a ticket.
CLAUDE (To audience):
The flesh failures
We starve-look at one another
Short of breath434 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Walking proudly in our winter
Coats
Wearing smells from
Laboratories
Facing a dying nation of moving
Paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely
Tunes
Somewhere inside something there
Is a rush of greatness
Who knows what stands in front
Of our lives
I fashion my future on films in
Space
Silence tells me secretly . . .
Everything
Singing my space songs on a
Spiderweb sitar
Life is around you and in you
Answer for Timothy Leary dearie
Let the sunshine in
(Pause)
MoM: How many, please?
CLAUDE: I'm waiting for Sheila.
(JEANIE and CRISSY enter. JEANIE is in her sari, CRISSY in her
Be-In outfit)
JEANIE: Let the beatniks through, please. Excuse me, sir, did you
see a mooky-lookin’ blond guy cruisin’ around here?
CLAUDE: Hij, Jeanie.
JEANIE: Why didn’t you call me?
CLAUDE: I been busy looking for a job.
JEANIE: What's the matter, you embarrassed? We had a good time,
didn’t we?
CLAUDE: I had to take my physical for the Army.
HAIR | 435
JEANIE: What are you doing here? Waiting for somebody?
CLAUDE: No, no, I'm going to the movies.
MoM: How many, please? The feature’s about to begin.
JEANIE: Want some company? I've got my own bread.
CLAUDE: No, I'm meeting Berger.
JEANIE: Like my new button? Psychedelicize South Korea.
MoM: Move on, you! You can’t stand here if you don’t buy a ticket.
CLAUDE: I gotta go.
MoM: How many, please?
CLAUDE: Just one.
JEANIE: Claude, I just saw Sheila. She can’t make it. She won’t be
able to meet you. She’ll be at the Be-In if you want to see her.
CLAUDE: I'd like a refund, please.
MoM (Now very sweet): Sorry, we don’t give refunds.
CLAUDE: But I changed my mind, Rosie. I just bought the ticket.
MoM: Sorry, we have our rules.
CLAUDE: I already saw this film.
MoM: You'll have to see the manager.
CLAUDE (To MoM): Forget it!
JEANIE: Come with the beatniks to the Be-In, Claude.
CLAUDE: Forget it . . . I'm going to the movies. Tell Sheila you
didn’t see me.
JEANIE: Watch the FAGS don’t get you.
CLAUDE: Drop dead. (Exits)
JEANIE: He loves me. (THE TRIBE enters through the audience and
passes out leaflets announcing the Be-In simultaneous with
JEANIE's speech) Dig it, people, I'm tripped, high, zonked, stoned,
right here, right now in this theater. I've had every drug going except some jungle vines somewhere. I have a right to put anything 1
want in my body. What's going on inside all those little Daily
News heads? Anybody who says pot is bad is full of shit. This is
my living room and I'm gonna say something I always wanted to
say, “Alan Burke Sucks.”
THE TRIBE: Come to the Be-In. See the Hippies get busted by the
New York City Police. See them smoke marijuana, the killer weed.
Bring your own pot. Tourists . . . See the Hippies. See the Land
of the Underground Movies. See the freak show. See them . . .
The gypsy tribes . . . Watch the beatniks . . . See them get
arrested . . . See the Potheads get busted by the Federal Bureau
of Narcotics. See . . . see the Hippie Phenomenon.436 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
JEANIE (To cRrissy): Well, are you going to stay here, or are you
going to the Be-In like a human being?
crissy: I'm gonna wait.
JEANIE: You've got no face, Crissy, no face.
CRISSY:
1 met a boy called Frank Mills
On September twelfth right here
In front of the Waverly
But unfortunately I lost his
Address
He was last seen with his friend,
A drummer
He resembled George Harrison of
The Beatles
But he wears his hair tied in a
Small bow at the back
1 love him
But it embarrasses me to walk
Down the street with him
He lives in Brooklyn somewhere
And wears this white crash
Helmet
He has gold chains on his
Leather jacket
And on the back is written the
Names
Mary and Mom and Hell's Angels
1 would gratefully appreciate it
1If you see him tell him I'm in the
Park with my girlfriend
And please
Tell him Angela and 1
Don’t want the two dollars
Back . . .
Just him
HAIR | 437
(The Be-In . . . The sound of bells from offstage, from the back
of the theater, from the aisles. Ankle, wrist, hand bells. THE TRIBE
enters from all directions with their bells, carrying candles and incense, enveloping the audience, first with the slight, insistent rhythm,
moving into “Hare Krishna,” the rhythms building throughout the
scene. A peace-pipe is passed around. Flowers, fruit and raisins, and
nuts, given out. Flowers and incense to the audience.
DAD and MOM begin their participation in the scene at its outskirts,
employing their rational, establishment, middle-class viewpoints and
logic against the music of the Be-In—the music which never ceases)
THE TRIBE:
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
(This repeats several times, as kids envelop the stage, and under it
comes the chant)
Love Love
Love Love
Love Love
Love Love
Drop Out
Drop Out
Drop Out
Drop Out
Beln
Beln
Beln
Beln
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare438 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Beads Flowers Freedom Happiness
Beads Flowers Freedom Happiness
Beads Flowers Freedom Happiness
Beads Flowers Freedom Happiness
Smoke Smoke Smoke
Smoke Smoke Smoke
Take Trips
Get High
Laugh Joke and Good-Bye
Beat Drum and Old Tin Pot
I'm High on You-Know-What
Beat Drum and Old Tin Pot
I'm High on You-Know-What
High High High High
Way Way Up Here
Ionosphere
Love Love Love Love Love
Love Love Love Love Love
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Rama
Love Love Love Love
Love Love Love Love
Love Sex Love Sex
Love Sex Love Sex
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
HARR | 439
Ete.
Etc.
moM: We had another generation before you who went to war, went
to colleges, worked for a salary . . . you're a disgrace to this country . . . you are certainly mixed up, all of you . . . just bringing
attention to yourselves.
ANNOUNCER-MAN (Neutral, religious, manly) :
Keep America strong.
Make America stronger.
May God bring our nation victory.
pAD: We're fighting a war. Use atomic weapons and win it, for Crissake. Get China now, before they get us, and have faith in God
and Nation and the Military-Industrial Complex.
ANNOUNCER-FEMALE (Factual, unemotional, matter-of-fact): A
demonstration to end United States involvement in Vietnam will
be held on Saturday at one P.M. We're going to meet at Times
Square and march around the world.
MoM: Oh, you're all so naive about the power structure of our civilization. The subtleties, the intricacies, the complexities . . . you
don’t know what's really going on . . . the fop-secret truth about
what’s really happening in Red China.
ANNOUNCER-MAN (Unctuously): The LSD Research Group sponsors a series of psychedelic lectures and celebrations on various aspects of the effect of LSD—The Death of the Mind.” How should
you give a person LSD? Who regards LSD as dangerous? Tickets
five dollars at the door. Or by appointment in advance. At the
Planetarium Subway Station. Or call PO 3-3333-3333.
DAD: You parents should care more about sex and stop worrying
- about the drugs. Drugs are innocent compared to the violence
mixed up with sex. Did you realize this? It is time to deal with this
sex mess. Sex isn’t love or even pleasure anymore ... They
preach love . . . narcotic love.
MoM: What does a ninteen-year-old kid know?
THE TRIBE:
Mari Juana Mari Juana
Juana Juana Mari Mari
Mari Juana Mari Juana
Juana Juana Mari Marie
440 | .GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
(THE TRIBE responds to DAD and MOM'’s invectives only with more
song, stronger rhythm, and by bedecking DAD and MOM with flowers,
beads, loading their arms with gifts, fruit, etc.)
HARR | 441
(This chant continues as a new chant develops behind it and overtakes it)
MoM: You kids don’t appreciate the maturity and wisdom that age Strip
brings. (To audience) My son wears a black armband . . . he’s an Strip
antiwar with an armband. His father can’t even walk down the Strip
street. Strip
DAD (Almost to himself): My son doesn’t like me. He doesn’t-like Strip
me. Strip
MoM: We have got to help these young people. How did they get off Strip
the track? This is serious, lady. Strip Strip
DaD; T can’t even go into my son’s room. My son has no shame. He Strip Strip
leaves everything right out in the open where I can see it. Strip Strip
Mowm: He is our son, dear, and we are his mummy and daddy. Strip Strip
(DAD and MoM as a result become more incensed, enraged, angry, Strip Strip Strip
moving closer and closer to the center of the Be-In all the while) Strip Strip Strip
DADgetting (Now very walking upset): among T Whats THE " happening TRIBE,” looking to our around bedrockat foundation them and " Strip Stripip Stri Strip Strip Strip Strip !
of baths and underarm deodorant? How do they eat? Where do Strip Strip Strip
they sleep? Why do they have to be dressed like this? Strip Strip Strip
Mom (Walking among THE TRIBE) : Flower power, putting on, turning on, blowing the mind . . . what language do you speak?
DAD: In two months my son will be in Vietnam and is going to be
killed, and I'm proud of him.
MoM: Physical contact with any of these animals would repulse me.
(To audience) I say, support our fighting, short-haired men in Vietnam. ‘
DAD (Intensely frustrated at not being able to penetrate THE TRIBE’S
concern with the Be-In, and shouting) : T'd like to see one of your
Daffodil Crowd in front of a machine gun.
(This chant predominates now with the ferocious intensity of the
drums. BERGER has removed all his clothes by this time and is seen
totally naked for a brief moment by the audience. He is then surrounded by THE TRIBE, but the POLICE-PUPPETS have seen him and
close in for an arrest. THE TRIBE forms a protective wall against the
POLICE and sings)
THE TRIBE:
MOM (Shouting above their chants): Ship these Peaceniks to the Vi- We love cops
etnam meat-grinder. We love cops
We love cops
THE TRIBE: We love cops
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Hare Krishna We love cops
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Krishna We love cops
Krishna Krishna We love cops
Hare Rama Hare Rama Hare Hare We love cops
Rama Rama Hare Hare We love copsb~ S
442 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Hare Rama
Hare Rama
Rama Rama
Hare Hare
(A large flag is held aloft on two poles. It dates from about 1776,
It has a green pine tree in its center on a yellow field. A rattlesnake
twines about the tree trunk. Below it reads: “Don’t Tread on Me.”
Above the tree it reads: “An Appeal to Heaven.” Violent drumming
on oil drums, as SHEILA comes forward holding a flaming Maxwell
House coffee can in her right hand above her head. She strikes a
Statue of Liberty pose)
THE TRIBE: Democracy’s Daughter!
(In her other hand, SHEILA holds a bunch of daffodils. One by
one, each guy comes forward, lighting their draft cards, dropping the
remains into the can. As each card is burned, THE TRIBE cheers.-
SHEILA gives each guy a daffodil in exchange. CLAUDE is last; he
approaches the can, hesitates a moment, holds his card above it, it
catches fire, and he pulls it back quickly, extinguishing the flame.
SHEILA puts the flaming can center stage; THE TRIBE sits around it,
as if it were their campfire, huddling in blankets, as the drums die
away rapidly.
CLAUDE stands apart and sings)
CLAUDE:
Where do I go i
Follow the river
Where do I go
Follow the gulls
Where is the something
Where is the someone
That tells me why
I live and die
Where do I go
Follow the children
Where do 1 go
Follow their smiles
Is there an answer
In their sweet faces
That tells me why
1live and die
Follow the wind song
Follow the thunder
Follow the lightning in
Young lovers’ eyes
Down to the gutter
Up to the glitter
Into the city where the
Truth lies
Where do I go
Follow my heartbeat
Where do I go
Follow my hand
Where will they lead me
And will I ever
Discover why
1 live and die
THE TRIBE:
Where do I go
Follow the children
Where do 1 go
Follow their smiles
Is there an answer
In their sweet faces
That tells me why
1 live and die
Follow the wind song
Follow the thunder
Follow the lightning in
Young lovers’ eyes
HAIR | 443444 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Down to the gutter
Up to the glitter
Into the city where the
Truth lies
CLAUDE:
Where do I go
Follow my heartbeat
Where do I go
Follow my hand
Where will they lead me
And will I ever
Discover why
1 live and die
THE TRIBE:
Why
CLAUDE:
I live and die
THE TRIBE:
Why
CLAUDE:
1 live and die
Note: At the end of the intermission, just before Act Two bfgins,
CRISSY puls two old seventy-eight-rpm records on an antique windup
victrola. The songs: “Anything Goes,” followed by “White Cliffs of
Dover”; this going into “Electric Blues.”
Act Two
Band on stage now. This is the Intergalactic Bathtub electrified.
Moving light projections.
The sound from the band is full and furious. The band is THE
LEATHER BAG—four guys dressed in leather outfits—perhaps black,
brown, and white in color. Electric wiring everywhere, from
amplifiers, guitars, hand mikes, and even from the leather costumes
—wires from backs, heads, fingers, hands, feet, crotches.
THE TRIBE dances.
Note: All the kids wear military uniforms, mismatching, etc.
THE LEATHER BAG:
We're all encased in sonic armor
Beltin’ it out through chrome grenades
Miles and miles of Medusan chord
The electronic sonic boom
It's what's happening, Baby
1t's where it’s at, Daddy
They chain ya and brainwash ya
When you least suspect it
They feed ya Mass Media
The age is electric
I got the electric blues
I got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
I got the electric blues
Thwump . . . oldRackety . . . Fashion
Whomp Melody446 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Rock . . . Folk Rock . . .
Rhythm and Blues
Electrons OldExplodin’ . . . Fashion
Rackety-Clack Melody
Thwump . . . Whoomp . . .
Whump
PluggedIn . . . OldTurned On Fashion
Rackety . . . Shomp . . . Melody
Rock
Rock . . . Folk Rock . . .
Rhythm and Blues
Thwump . . .
Rackety-Clack
Whoomp . . . Whump . . .
Poof
Caved In . . . Caved In
<+ . Yes, Caved In
Lyrics shatter like broken glass
In the sonic boom
Lyrics shatter like broken glass
Electronic doom
1 got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
I got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
(The tempo slows, the music softens)
Tell me who do you love, Man?
Tell me what, Man?
Tell me what's it you love, Man?
An old-fashion melody
Tell me what's it that moves you?
Tell me what's it that grooves you?
An old-fashion melody
But old songs leave you dead
We sell our souls for bread
(Back to the beat and the fury)
We're all encased in sonic armor
Beltin’ it out through chrome grenades
Miles and miles of Medusan chord
The electronic sonic boom
It's what's happening, Baby
It's where it’s at, Daddy
They chain ya and brainwash ya
When you least suspect it
They feed ya Mass Media
The age is electric
1 got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
1 got the electric blues
Thwump . . . Rackety . . . oldWhomp Fashion
Rock . . . Folk Rock . . . Melody
Rhythm and Blues
Electronics oldExplodin’ . . . Fashion
Rackety-Clack Melody
Thwump . . . Whoomp . . .
Whump
Plugged In . . . oldTurned On Fashion
Rackety . . . Shoomp . . . Melody
Rock
Rock . . . Folk Rock . . .
Rhythm and Blues
Thwump . . .
Rackety-Clack
HARR | 447448 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Whoomp . . . Whump . . .
Poof
Caved In . . . Caved In
. . Yes, Caved In
Lyrics shatter (Shouting)
Like Amplifiers higher
Broken glass Turn ’em up higher
In the sonic Amplifiers higher
Boom Turn ’em up higher
Lyrics shatter Higher higher
Like Louder Louder
Broken Glass Fire Fire
Electronic
Doom
(The amplifiers, the mikes, the power systems explode, but THE
LEATHER BAG goes on singing and playing, no sound coming out,
THE TRIBE continues dancing to no music. The words are mouthed)
1 got the (THE TRIBE dances,
Electric blues screaming out every
1 got the time THE LEATHER BAG
Electric blues sings “I got the Elec-
1 got the tric Blues”)
Electric blues
1 got the
Electric blues
(THE TRIBE clears the dance floor, leaving SHEILA and BERGER
dancing to a soft snare from the drummer. They dance awhile before
speaking)
BERGER (Speaking and singing as they dance; to audience): Claude
Hooper Bukowski leaves us tomorrow morning.
SHEILA (T0 BERGER): I like Claude. But that’s as far as I can take it.
BERGER: Claude has been drafted.
SHEILA: Claude’s going to play soldier.
BERGER (To audience): Tonight is for him. Sheila’s gonna do
Claude a favor tonight.
SHEILA: Oh, no, I'm not.
HAIR | 449
BERGER (To audience): The greatest going-away gift we can give
our friend.
SHEILA: What am I, the tribal sacrifice?
(A group starts singing with the band in the background. sHEILA
and BERGER dance throughout)
GROUP:
How can people be so heartless?
How can people be so cruel?
BERGER: Sheila, you have to do this for Claude.
GROUP:
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
SHEILA: Do this? This is a four-letter word.
GROUP:
How can people have no feelings?
BERGER: Please. (Tries to kiss her)
GROUP:
How can they ignore their friends
BERGER: I'll be good to you. (Tries to embrace her)
GROUP:
Easy to be proud
SHEILA (Breaking away from BERGER): Nol
GROUP:
Easy to say no450 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
BERGER (Backed by the GRoUP):
Especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend
SHEILA and GROUP:
How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
GROUP:
Easy to give in
Easy to help out
How can people have no feelings
You know I'm hung up on you
BERGER: I'll make a deal with you.
SHEILA: Sheila’s the faithful kind.
BERGER: You do it tonight with Claude; I'll do it tomorrow night
with you.
SHEILA: A Berger barter!
BERGER: Sheila, we got this big going-away sceme planned for
Claude. If you do this for Claude, it'll make it perfect. He loves
you, love.
SHEILA: Claude is a boy for going. It takes a man to say no.
BERGER: Okay, Sheila. That’s it. We're finished. It's over. We've had
it.
(BERGER starts walking off angrily)
GROUP:
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
(BERGER exits)
HAR | 451
sHEILA: So long, love.
(CLAUDE enters, SHEILA exits. THE TRIBE greets CLAUDE with wild
enthusiasm. CLAUDE wears a white, floor-length Indian linen gown,
gold-embroidered. He carries a small overnight bag and throws up
into the air various gifts he has brought for THE TRIBE: some colored
shirts, a Buddha, necklaces, etc., all of them his personal belongings)
gup: It's Lord Buckingham!
CLAUDE:
Manchester England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And I'm a genius genius
I believe in Gawd
And I believe that Gawd believes in Claude
That's me that's me
(THE TRIBE dances around CLAUDE singing “Too much, too
much” softly behind the next dialogue)
HUD: THE TRIBE:
Claude, baby, how Too Much Too Much
ya’ doin’, man? Too Much Too Much
Super Goosey Gasey
CLAUDE: Super Goosey Gasey
I'm cooling it, ding Too Much Too Much
dong. Too Much Too Much
Etc.
Hup: This your night.
JEANIE: Oh, poor baby.
woor: Claude, 'm disappointed in you. I thought you said they
wouldn’t get you.
YOUNG MAN: You chickened out.
CLAUDE: Yeah, I'm chickenshit.
WooF: Ah, you should've burned it and got your picture in the
papers.
CLAUDE: I'm no hero . . . starting right now.
JEANIE: Claude, that sari, where did you get that sari! Barney'’s
Boys’ Town?
CLAUDE: Where’s Berger?452 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
YOUNG MAN: Clip, clip, clip . . . tomorrow morning. (Pantomiming
cutting CLAUDE'S hair)
‘WOOF: Oh, leave the poor soldier boy alone.
crAupE: It’s bad enough without you guys bugging me.
(DIONNE on bandstand with two other Negro girls. She signals to
the band)
DIONNE: Fellas, oh, fellas!
(The band plays a fanfare and the three girls turn to face the audience. They impersonate the Supremes. One wears a high-fashion
blond wig; all in high heels and sexy-cheap sequin dresses)
1 want you to meet PFC Booo-Booo-Booo-kowski.
DIONNE and TWO GIRLS (Playing with CLAUDE):
White boys are so pretty
Skin as smooth as milk
White boys are so pretty
Hair like Chinese silk
White boys give me goose bumps
White boys give me chills
When they touch my shoulder
That's the touch that kills
My Mother calls 'em lilies
I call ’em piccadillies
My Daddy warns me to stay away
1 say come on out and play
White boys are so groovy
White boys are so tough
Every time they're near me
Just can’t get enough
White, White, White, White, White, White, White, White
White Boys
(JEANIE pins large button on CLAUDE’s lapel: “Support Our Boys
in Vietnam™)
HAIR | 453
White boys are so pretty
White boys are so sweet
White boys drive me crazy
Drive me indiscreet
(CLAUDE dances)
White boys are so sexy
Legs so long and lean
Love those sprayed-on trousers
Love the love machine
My Brother calls ’em rubble
They’re my kind of trouble
My Daddy warns me “No No No”
But I say “White Boys Go Go Go”
(HUD joins CLAUDE dancing)
White boys are so lovely
Beautiful as girls
Love to run my fingers
And toes thru all their curls
White White White White White White White White
White Boys
(HUD takes over dancing as JEANIE, CRISSY, and ANGELA sing to
him)
JEANIE, CRISSY, ANGELA:
Black boys are delicious
Chocolate-flavored love
Licorice lips like candy
Keep my cocoa handy
I have such a sweet tooth
When it comes to love454 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Once l tried a diet
Of quiet, rest, no sweets
But I went nearly crazy
And 1 went clearly crazy
Because I really craved for
My chocolate-flavored treats
Black boys are nutritious
Black boys fill me up
Black boys are so damn yummy
They satisfy my tummy
1 have such a sweet tooth
When it comes to love
Black Black Black Black Black Black Black Black
Black Boys
(Joined by DIONNE’s trio)
White Boys
Black Boys
White Boys
Black Boys
Mixed Media . . .
CLAUDE: Hey, Woof, from my bedroom to your bedroom. (Hands
'WOOF rolled-up photo)
WOoOF (Unrolls photo) : Oh, Claude, I love it. Hey, Claude, it’s beautiful. Hey, everybody, look what Claude gave me. . . . I love you.
Oh, I'love you. P'm in love with you. I can’t help it. You're terrific
- - . 'm in love with this guy, see. I like his looks to begin with.
Anybody would. Besides he has a certain spectacular quality. I
love him, I can’t help it. P’m not a homosexual or anything like
that . . . but I'd go to bed with him . . . and make great love to
you. . . . He’s the sun and I'm the earth. He’s infinite. He’s got
this beautiful head. He’s Leo the Lion, the only guy I'd ever go to
bed with,
HAIR | 455
Mick Jagger—Mick . . . Mickey . . . My
Mick . . . My Mickey Mick . . .
Mickey my Mickey Mick
My Mickey Jag Mickey Jag
Micky Mick my Mickey Mick
My Micky Jag Jag
Mickey Mick Mick
Mickey Mick Mick
Mick Mick my Jagger
BERGER (Entering, followed by SHEILA) : Hud, let’s lock up.
HUD: Right.
(The band has stopped playing, THE TRIBE now speaks in low
voices, as if expecting something to happen. HUD switches off the
lights. For a moment the stage is in darkness, but candles are lit. Hup
locks the door)
SHEILA (Breaking the silence—to audience): T'm so tired .., I
hope this doesn’t take long.
CLAUDE: What did you say?
BERGER (Wearing dark goggles, passing out sticks of marijuana to
THE TRIBE. As he stops by each, he has a line): Forty-four and
one-hundred-percent pure.
SHEILA: Oh. . . your movie. . . Isee you're taking it with you . . .
CLAUDE: My baby . . .
BERGER: Separates the men from the boys.
SHEILA: How's it coming?
BERGER: No sticky mess.
CLAUDE: I'm almost finished with it . . .
BERGER: Jet to Miami—come on down.
SHEILA: Finished with what?
CLAUDE: My movie . . .
BERGER: That heavenly flavor.
SHEILA: Oh, yeah, how’s it coming? What's Berger doing?
BERGER: Relieve headache pain fast, fast, fast.
CLAUDE: He’s passing out the pot.
BERGER: Relief is just a swallow away.
CLAUDE: It’s groovy for food and sex.
BERGER: Shrinks hemorrhoids,
SHEILA: All you want to do is ball.456 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
UDE: I our pardon. .
gnumsk (B::ggly;xg the pot to SHEILA and CLAUDE) : Only one calorie,
SHEILA (Sarcastically to CLAUDE): Have a good trip!
BERGER (Nicely to CLAUDE): Yeah, bon voyage!
cLAUDE (To BERGER): Bless you, sweet child of God. .
BERGER (To audience): 1 got my job through the Village Voice.
CLAUDE (To THE TRIBE): Pick up your glowworms. .
(THE TRIBE all lights up. There is no talking now. No music. All is
silent, but for the sound of THE TRIBE im. This should be q
rather significant moment. The drummer quietly begins a rocking
rhythm with a snare drum and brush)
THE TRIBE:
Doors locked
Doors locked
Blinds pulled
Blinds pulled
Lights low
Lights low
Flames high
Flames high
My body
My body
My body
My body .
My body
My body
My body
Is walking in space
My soul is in orbit
With God, face to face
Floating, flipping
Flying, tripping
Tripping from Pottsville to Mainline
Tripping from Mainline to Moonville
On a rocket to the fourth dimension
Total self-awareness the intention
My mind is clear as country air
I feel my flesh, all colors mesh
Red-black
Blue-brown
Yellow-crimson
Green-orange
Purple-pink
Violet-white
White-white
White
White
All the clouds are cumuloft
Walking in space
Oh my God, Your skin is soft
1 love your face
How dare they try to end this beauty
How dare they try to end this beauty
To keep us under foot
They bury us in soot
Pretending it’s a chore
To ship us off to war
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
Walking in space
We find the purpose of peace
The beauty of life
You can no longer hide
HAR| 457458 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Wide Wide Wide
(Lights down on stage during last part of this song. Spot on
CLAUDE. The following is his trip)
a1 1 (uup): All right, my pretty boys. Prepare to bail out. Bail out,
soldier boys. I said, skydive. )
612 (WOOF): I'm not even twenty-one yet and they’ve got me jumping out of airplanes.
GI 1 (HuD): Hello, White Man.
612 (woor): Hello, Yellow Man, down there. I'm gonna get you.
Gt 1 (aup) (Taking WooF’s hand): Black and white go nice together, don’t they?
ar 3: We're unfrocked paratroopers.
G 4: Home of Macrobiotics and Sanpaku.
GI 5: It just proves what I always said. There just aren’t that many
places to go anymore. .
616: The machine age is overexposing me.
GI7: My father is sure a jerk.
GI 8 (CLAUDE): Gee, just like the movies.
G19: I don’t want to be anything, and I certainly don’t want to be a
housewife with kids.
61 10: Don’t worry, you wop’t.
ALL THE TRIBE: I'm hanging loose.
(THE TRIBE runs off as BERGER impersonating GEORGE WASHINGTON, enters. He wears a powdered wig askew, carries a battleworn
American flag, leads a bedraggled troop of men)
GEORGE (Marching on): Hut two three four. Hut two three four.
Jump to it, lads. Kill the Redcoats. Into the Delaware, men. Grab
your muskets. For God, for Country, for Crown, for Freedom, for
Liberation, for Mother . . .
MESSENGER (WOOF) (Running on): General Washington, General
‘Washington, your Highness . . . news from the front. The word is
retreat. Threat of attack.
(GEORGE WASHINGTON hands powdered wig and flag to MESSENGER and flees as INDIANS in loincloths with tomahawks and war paint
attack)
HAIR | 459
INDIAN 1: White Man DIE!
INDIAN 2: Crazy Horse say, White Man DIE!
INDIAN 3: Cochise say, White Man DIE!
INDIAN 1: Geronimo say, White Man DIE!
INDIAN 2: Sitting Bull say, White Man DIE!
INDIAN 3: Little Beaver say, White Man DIE!
INDIAN 1: This INDIAN land. Oh, Manitou, Great Spirit, White
Man steal our land. White Man must die.
INDIAN 2: Many moons since Roanoke. Once again White man
comes. Queen Bess and John Smith from England make peace.
Take Papoose Pocahontas. Wahunsunacook kill white man.
(The INDIANS exit in a war dance of victory. GEORGE WASHINGTON’s men lie still on stage in a massacre. A bugle sounds reveille.
The man playing the bugle appears wearing a Civil War Rebel uniform)
U. S. GRANT (Heavy Southern drawl): Friends, I want you to meet a
great friend of yours . . . General Grant. I have arrived. I say,
General Grant is here. Hey, wake up. Come on, you guys . . . get
Up. . . (He shakes the men and they gradually revive and get up)
«+.wakeup. . .come on. We have to push on to Raleigh. (The
men fall into formation) Roll Call: Abraham Lincoln. (He takes a
swig of whiskey)
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: “P”-resent, sir.
U. S. GRANT: John W. Booth.
JOHN W. BOOTH (Shakespearean actor): Evah-prrresent, sire.
(Brandishing small pistol)
U. 5. GRANT: Calvin Coolidge.
CALVIN COOLIDGE: Voh-dee-oh-doe, sir.
U. 5. GRANT: Clark Gable.
CLARK GABLE (WOOF): Yup.
U. S. GRANT: Scarlett O'Hara.
SCARLETT (Southern accent): Here I am.
U. 8. GRANT (Going to kiss her): Why, Scarlett, honey! . . . Teddy.
TEDDY ROOSEVELT (HUD): Right. I'm ready, giddy-up.
U. s. GRANT: Colonel Custer.
COLONEL CUSTER (JEANIE): At last,
U. s. GRANT: Claude Bukowski.
CLAUDE: He couldn’t make it.
U.S. GRANT: Well, men, let’s be gone. Heads up . . . shoulders back
- - - onward, Christian soldiers, to Appomattox. Forward, March.—— =
460 | ' GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
(They dance a minuet, but are attacked from behind by a group of
Negroes. Some modern day, with switchblades. Some Africans with
blowguns and spears, dressed as natives in feathers, etc., some dirty,
poor slaves. African drums in background. The Negroes confront the
whites)
AFRICAN WITCH DOCTOR (Carrying spear):
Walla walla
Goona goona
Miobie
Manatoga
Gooba Gooba
Voodoo Waba
LE ROI JONES (HUD) (Carries a banner “Black Power” and a switchblade knife): I cut yo' up. I hate you and your white mothers. I
hope you all die and rot. You're all for shit.
(The Negroes attack and kill the white soldiers)
SLAVE (Standing over the dead bodies, with his foot on Abraham
Lincoln’s chest, very happy): Yes, I'm finished on y'all's farm
land. With yo’ boll weevils and all, and pluckin’ y’all’s chickens,
fryin’ mother’s oats in grease. I'm free now, thanks to yo’, Massa
Lincoln, emancipator of the slave. Yeah! Emancimotherfuckin’
pator of the slave.
(The Negroes sing together
THE NEGROES:
Happy birthday, Abie bgby
Happy birthday to you . . .
(Suddenly the stage becomes a battlefield. War sound effects up
loud. Plus electronic music in the background. They exit in fright.
Four BUDDHIST MONKS enter in long saffron robes, kneeling down
front. The first MONK pours gasoline over himself from a can)
BUDDHIST MONK 1: Use high octane and feel the tiger in your tank.
(He lights a wad of flash paper, dies an agonizing death, lies in a
heap on the stage)
BUDDHIST MONK 2: Everyone should be Buddha.
BUDDHIST MONK 3: We are all one.
BUDDHIST MONK 4: No more war toys.
BUDDHIST MONK 2: Hustling is an honest profession.
(Three Catholic NUNs enter behind praying BUDDHISTS)
HAIR | 461
THE NUNs: Hail, Mary, full of Grace, blessed is the Fruit of the
Loom. (They strangle the BUDDHISTS with their rosary beads)
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the
hour of our death . . .
(Three ASTRONAUTS enter behind the NUNS, killing them with ray
guns. Three CHINESE enter behind the ASTRONAUTS, carrying machine guns, killing the ASTRONAUTS. Four American INDIANS with
war Yyelps, kill the CHINESE with tomahawks. Two GREEN BERETS
with machine guns kill the INDIANS and each other. All the bodies lie
in a heap as a strobe light flashes on. The killing scene goes into
reverse now, all the bodies coming back to life, exiting backward and
reentering at a faster pace to go through the exact killing ritual two
more times, each time at a still-faster pace. At the end, all the sound
and strobe lights off, leaving the bodies in a silent, motionless heap.
One by one the bodies rise in slow motion, as others sing)
THB TRIBE (Perhaps prerecorded):
Ripped open by metal explosion
Caught in barbed wire
Fireball
Bullet shock
Bayonet electricity
Shrapneled
Throbbing meat
Electronic Data Processing
Black uniforms
Bare feet
Carbines
Mail-order rifles
Shoot the muscles
256 Vietcong captured
256 Vietcong captured
(Live—the whole TRIBE singing)
Prisoners in Niggertown
It's a dirty little war
Three five zero zero
Take weapons up and begin to kill
Watch the long long armies drifting home462 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
(Into a joyous march)
Prisoners in Niggertown
It's a dirty little war
Three five zero zero
Take weapons up and begin to kill
Watch the long long armies drifting home
(Settling back down on the floor, as at the beginning of “Walking
in Space)
How dare they try to end
This beauty
How dare they try to end
This beauty
Walking in space
We find the purpose of peace
The beauty of life
You can no longer hide
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
(Lights down, spot on CLAUDE as at beginning of war sequence)
Wide
Wide
Wide
(Stage in darkness but for spot on CLAUDE with his eyes closed.
He opens his eyes, stands slowly, not knowing where he is for a moment)
CLAUDE: Berger . . . George.
(All THE TRIBE on stage prostrate, as if asleep)
BERGER (Sits up): I'm zonked.
(CLAUDE rushes over to BERGER, sits next to him, looks at BERGER,
THE TRIBE, and the audience)
HAR| 463
cLAUDE: What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel.
BERGER: In apprehension how like a god . . .
BERGER and CLAUDE (Together): The beauty of the world, the
paragon of animals.
cLAUDE: I have of late—but wherefore I know not—lost all my
mirth . . . this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile
promontory, this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this
brave o'er-hanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with
golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and
pestilent congregation of vapours.
BERGER: Claude . . .
CLAUDE: What?
BERGER: I feel lonely already, Claude.
(They look at each other for a moment, BERGER moves to
CLAUDE, puts his arm around CLAUDE. CLAUDE makes no response)
CLAUDE: Start facing reality . . . sometimes I think I'm going crazy
... out of mind . .. maybe cancer on the brain or someBERGER: Maybe the Army is the best place for you . . . let them
keep you, sleep you, feed you. I'm putting you on, Claude,
CLAUDE: I'm not going into the Army tomorrow!
BERGER: I know.
CLAUDE: Let’s go to Mexico, George.
BERGER: I told you the boogey man would get you.
CLAUDE: I want to eat mushrooms and sleep in the sun.
BERGER: Okay. Let’s go. I'll go with you.
CLAUDE: I know where it’s at,
BERGER: You know where it’s at.
CLAUDE: You know where it’s at.
BERGER: I know where it’s at.
CLAUDE: I can’t live like this anymore. 'm not happy. It's too
difficult—I can’t open myself up like that. I can’t make this
moment-to-moment living on the streets,
BERGER: I dig it.
CLAUDE: I don’t.
BERGER: Putting on his peace paint he said: On with the £roovy revolution.
CLAUDE: I don’t want to be a dentist or a lawyer or a bum or an464 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
IBM machine. I don’t want to be a rock ’n’ roll hero or a movje
star. I just want to have lots of money.
BERGER: I'm gonna go to India . . . float around . . . live in litge
huts in Beirut . . . feed the poor Indians in a little village some.
where . . . like Albert Schweitzer . . . bake bread. I'm gonna stay
high forever. They’ll never get me. I'm gonna stay high forever.
cLAUDE: I'll tell you the thing I'd really like to be . . . invisible, ©
don’t need drugs. An invisible man, and I could fly and see into
people’s minds and know what they’re thinking . . . I could do
anything, go anywhere, and be happy . . . not tied down to a stu.
pid job or anybody. And I could perform miracles. That’s the only
thing I'd like to do or be on this dirt.
BERGER: Then you're the King of Wands.
CLAUDE: Shazam! (He ftries to fly) Oh, my God, it’s one o’clock. I
have to be at the station at eight-thirty.
BERGER: Claude, they’ve sucked you in.
CLAUDE: They've fucked me.
BERGER: I hate the fuckin’ world, don’t you?
CLAUDE: I hate the fuckin’ world, I hate the fuckin’ winter, I hate
these fuckin’ streets.
BERGER: I wish the fuck it would snow at least.
CLAUDE: I wish it was the biggest fucking snowstorm. Blizzards,
come down in sheets, mountains, rivers, oceans, forests, rabbits,
cover everything in beautiful, white, holy snow, and I could hide
out a hermit and hang on a cross and eat cornflakes.
BERGER: A fucking blizzard.
CLAUDE: Oh, fuck.
BERGER: Oh, fuckey, fuck, fuck.
CLAUDE (To audience): 1 was in the shower this morning, and I
reached down and I couldn’t find it . . . it fell off and washed
down the drain.
BERGER: Anybody see it, anybody see this little thing? Sheila, did
you see it? Claude lost this little thing, about this big . . . (He goes
to SHEILA and helps her up) Sheila, how come you’re so groovylooking tonight? You've got fab eyes.
SHEILA (Shaking him off) : Come off it, Iceberger.
CLAUDE (Coming over) : Sheila, you're not mad at me, are you?
SHEILA: No, why should I be mad?
CLAUDE: Well, let’s all go someplace . . . get coffee . . .
WOOF: I'm tired, I'm going home . . .
HAIR | 465
pERGER: We're going up to Sheila’s pad. Aren’t we, Sheila?
(Focus now centers on WOOF, JEANIE, CRISSY, CHARLIE, SHARON.,
As each talks, he helps the other up)
WOOF: Jeanie, you want to come with me?
JEANIE: Disappear, Shrimpboats.
(She walks away)
wooF: Okay. How about you, Crissy? You wanna come?
crissY: No, not tonight, 'm comin’ with Charlie, ain’t I, Charlie?
cHARLIE: I don’t care. (To SHARON) Is it all right, Sharon, if Crissy
comes with us?
SHARON: We slept together last week. I'd rather sleep alone together.
crissy: What about me?
wooF (To crissy) : How about me?
crissy: Too little, tobacco breath.
CHARLIE (To CRissY): Look, I don’t care . . . (To SHARON) It’s all
the same thing, isn’t it?
(CRISSY and SHARON both walk away from CHARLIE, CRISSY moving over to DIONNE)
WOOF: See ya’, Charlie. (Moves away) I'm going home to finish the
Bible.
CHARLIE (Standing alone) : Hey, wait a minute . . .
(CHARLIE follows SHARON upstage. Focus shifts to other side of
stage—DENNIS, BOB, DICK)
DENNIS (To DICK) : Just come over to my pad baby . . .
pick: Eat your own sperm.
B0B: Let’s go down to the docks for cocks.
DICK: Aw, go get married!
woor: Everybody, if we all sleep together, itll be nice and
(Focus shifts to JRANIE, DIONNE, and CRISSY)
JEANIE (To DIONNE): I don’t want to sleep with that.
DIONNE (To cRissy): All right, then, you sleep with it.
crissy: Me? Never happen.
wooF: Hey, Helen, I'll walk you home, Helen.
HELEN: Walk to Hoboken?
(Focus now to include CLAUDE, BERGER, SHEILA, DIONNE, WOOF)
JEANIE (Moving to cLAUDE): Pl sleep with you if you want me to.
Do you?
CLAUDE: Boring . . . (Turning to SHEILA) Sheila, I'd like to go to
bed with you.
SHEILA: Why?466 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
cLAUDE: Because I like you.
LOUISE (Skinny girl): Woof, I'd like to take a bath with you.
‘WoOF: Ahhhh! I'm Catholic!
BERGER (Organizing CLAUDE, SHEILA, HUD, DIONNE, WOOF): C’mon,
Cmon. . .
woor: Sheila, will you marry me?
JEANIE: | wanna go, too.
(She tags along)
HUD: Oh. . . we're gonna go Ubangi . . .
BERGER: DIONNE:
To Sheila’s pad . . . Bang bang.
Gang bang.
JEANIE: Bang gang.
Go, go Ubangi . . . Bungaloo-a-boo-boo.
wooF: Yeah, yeah, c’'mon, everybody, bang bang . . .
SHEILA (Looking at the sky):
Good morning, Starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
(DIONNE joins SHEILA)
DIONNE and SHEILA (Looking at the sky):
Good morning, Starshine
You lead us along B
My love and me
As we sing our
Early morning singing song
Gliddy Glup Gloopy
Nibby Nabby Noopy
LaLa—Lo Lo
CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF, HUD:
Sabba Sibby Sabba
Nooby Aba Naba
Le Le—Lo Lo
Tooby Ooby Wala
Nooby Aba Naba
HAIR | 467
Early morning
Singing song
Good morning, Starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Good morning, Starshine
You lead us along
My love and me
As we sing our
Early morning singing song
Gliddy Glup Gloopy
Nibby Nabby Noopy
LaLa—Lo Lo
ALL:
Tooby Ooby Wala
Nooby Aba Naba
Early morning
Singing song
Singing a song
Humming a song
Singing a song
Loving a song
Laughing a song
Sing the song
Sing the song
Song Song Song Sing
Sing Sing Sing Song
MAN: Shut up, down there! We want to get some sleep! Scum bags!
BERGER (Climbing partway up the Crucifix-Tree): Behold, he said,
with a wave toward the harbor, see the magnificent ocean . . .
Ttaly, Spain, Switzerland, Russia, and, yes, Claude’s England.
HUD (Reading from a National Enquirer): “Learn How Twentyseven Die in Acid.”PRy
468 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
SHEILA: Sheila’s hands, George’s feet, and Claude’s poor little brajy
matter more than the whole sweep of those damned constellationg,
WOMAN: Shut up! We're trying to sleep. We have to go to work in
the morning, Flag Burners!
CLAUDE: Cosmic Fart!
BERGER (Shouting): I ride into Infinitude on the top of Manhumny
Island.
SHEILA: God has hands like mine and feet like yours and Claude’s
brain.
HUD: “Youth Threatens to Drop LSD in New York City Reservoir.»
BERGER: Save me God from Infinity.
HUD: GM gets rich, GI’s die.
sHEILA: Without God, we'd be no more than bacteria breeding on 5
pebble in space.
BERGER: Blah! to the immensity of space.
HUD: “Man Gives Address as Heaven Six Hours Before Plane
Crashes.”
MAN and WOMAN (From up above): Shut up, down there, for God’s
sake, we want to get some sleep, etc.
CLAUDE (Shouting at MAN and WOMAN): I am the Son of God . . ,
MAN: Oh, yeah, New York is a rat’s ass.
WOMAN (Correcting him) : New York is a Winter Festival. Blah!
CLAUDE (Quietly) : 1 am the Son of God.
BERGER (Shouting) : Blah! to the electric universe.
CLAUDE: [ will vanish and be forgotten.
Quiet reprise: “Good Morning. Starshine”)
SHEILA (Looking at the sky):
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Look at the moon
Good morning, Starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
HAR| 469
pIONNE and JEANIE (Joining SHEILA):
Good morning, Starshine
You lead us along
My love and me
As we sing
Qur early morning singing song
Gliddy Glup Gloopy
Nibby Nabby Noopy
LaLaLaLoLo
CLAUDE, BERGER, WOOF, HUD (Joining in):
Sabba Sibby Sabba
Nooby Aba Naba
LeLe Lo Lo
Tooby Ooby Wala
Nooby Aba Naba
Early morning singing song
(All THE TRIBE joins on a repeat of this lyric.
As they sing, the relationships of the principals should be very evident: DIONNE and HUD together; JEANIE and WOOF, each separate, almost outsiders, but each with so much love to give; SHEILA very
aware of the situation now, still very much hung up on BERGER, yet
liking CLAUDE; CLAUDE in love with SHEILA, but of course having no
idea of what is in store for him, very aware he will soon be leaving
all this; BERGER realizing how close it is to CLAUDE’s departure
and trying to be happy-go-lucky in spite of his feelings.
Some of THE TRIBE are bringing in the mattresses from off)
THE TRIBB: Look what we found!
(This song starts as a chant)
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU The Bed
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The Bed
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH The Bed
Oh the bed
MMMMMMM The Bed
Ilove the bed470 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS HAIR | 471
Oh, the bed comes complete
With pillow and sheet
With blanket electric
And breath antiseptic
Let there be sheets
Let there be beds
Foam rubber pillows
Under our heads
(During the following they manipulate the mattresses, put on psy- Let there be sighs
chedelic sheets, pillows, flower petals, and end by placing CLAUDE Filling the room
and SHEILA on the bed side by side) Scanty pajamas
By Fruit of the Loom
You can lie in bed
You can lay in bed You can eat in bed
You can die in bed You can beat in bed
You can pray in bed Be in heat in bed
Have a treat in bed
You can live in bed
You can laugh in bed You can rock in bed
You can give your heart You can roll in bed
Or break your heart Find your cock in bed
In half in bed Lose your soul in bed
You can tease in bed You can lose in bed
You can please in bed You can win in bed
You squeeze in bed But never never never
You can freeze in bed Never never never never
Never never never
You can sneeze in bed Never can you sin in bed
Catch the fleas in bed
All of these Never sin in bed
Plus eat crackers and cheese
In bed (As the song ends, THE TRIBE has placed CLAUDE and SHEILA side
by side on the bed and they exit—or stand forming walls of the
O, the bed is a thing room.
Of feather and spring Hold on the image of CLAUDE and SHEILA side by side on the bed,
Of wire and wood then)
Invention so good SHEILA (Getting up, running to door): Berger . . . Berger.
CLAUDE: Oh, did Berger go? . . . Tl go, too. (Starting to get up)
SHEILA: No, you can stay.
CLAUDE: Stay?
SHEILA: Stay for coffee.
CLAUDE: Okay, coffee!
(SHEILA goes off to make coffee, CLAUDE stands on bed, takes bow
out of his hair, combs hair, as JEANIE runs on, tackling CLAUDE, they
fall on the bed)
JEANIE: Claude, what time does your train leave?
CLAUDE: Jeanie . . . you left!472 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
JEANIE: Oh . .. I won’t be able to make the train, Claude. I'm
gonna get killed when I get home . . . so, can I say good-bye
now?
(JEANIE is on top of CLAUDE as SHEILA enters holding two burn.
ing sticks of incense)
SHEILA: Hi, Jeanie.
JEANIE: Hi, Sheila.
CLAUDE: Beat it, Jeanie.
JEANIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . aw, Claude, I just love you, that's all,
Don't mind me.
CLAUDE: Jeanie, please.
JEANIE: I'm going, don’t worry. (Getting up from the bed) Claude,
I want you to have a great time, Claude. You're a great guy.
You're sweet.
CLAUDE: You're sweet too, Jeanie. Beat it.
JEANIE: So long, love.
(She exits. Long pause as CLAUDE and SHEILA take in their situation)
SHEILA: You're standing on my bed.
CLAUDE (Not moving): Thank you. It’s beautiful.
SHEILA: Well?
CLAUDE: Well?
(SHEILA sits on bed, lotus position, holding two burning sticks of
incense)
SHIELA: My pad is the crossroads of a thousand private lives. Why
don’t you sit down?
CLAUDE (Sitting) : He sits.
SHEILA: Do you want some incense?
CLAUDE (Taking a stick): No.
SHEILA: Well?
CLAUDE: Well?
SHEILA: Relax!
CLAUDE (Falling back on the bed): He relaxes.
SHEILA: Where did Berger go?
CLAUDE: Why don’t you relax?
sHEILA: Claude, I'm the hippest . . .
CLAUDE: Don’t you love me?
SHEILA: . . . I know your problem.
CLAUDE (Sitting up): Have pity on your poor war baby.
(CLAUDE touches SHEILA’s arm)
HAR| 473
sHEILA (Violent reaction—She gets up from the bed.): T'll scream
bloody murder if you touch me, Daddy Warbucks!
CLAUDE: What?
SHEILA: . . . You lay a pinky on my titty and they’ll hear about it all
over the city.
CLAUDE: Oh, you're a Liverpool poet.
SHEILA: I'm sorry, Claude . . . Ican’t doit. .. I'm so upset. . .
I'm somixedup. . .
CLAUDE: I'm not asking you to do anything
sHEILA: It’s not you who’s asking.
CLAUDE: I’m not gonna bite you . . . unless youask meto. . .
sHEILA: I'm sorry, Berger.
(CLAUDE hears her mistake)
CLAUDE: Sheila . . . I'd like to tell you something that I've never told
to anyone else. Not even Berger. But I don’t know if you're strong
enough to take it.
sHEILA: What do you mean?
CLAUDE: Sit down.
SHEILA (Sitting on floor, next to bed): She sits.
CLAUDE: Now, please, Sheila, you must believe me, and promise me
you won’t get frightened or anything.
sHEILA: I don’t know what you're talking about. What do you mean?
CLAUDE: Well, you see, Sheila . . . I come from another planet.
SHEILA: Oh, yeah? I'm leaving . . .
(Getting up to move away, CLAUDE grabs her hand)
CLAUDE: Yeah, it’s true. Just look at my eyes. I have been sent to
Earth on a mission. There are many others here like me. We're observing you.
SHEILA: Another scene from your Walt Disney movie?
CLAUDE: Believe me, it’s true . . . please don’t make fun of me. I'm
from another planet in another galaxy.
SHEILA: What's your planet called?
CLAUDE: What’s it called?
SHEILA: What's it called?
CLAUDE: Explanezanetooch.
SHEILA: What?
CLAUDE: Exanaplanetooch.
SHEILA: Nice name.
CLAUDE: You believe me?
SHEILA: Of course.
CLAUDE: Can I tell you about it?U —
474 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
SHEILA: Of course, I'm dying to hear about it.
CLAUDE: No, I don’t think I can . . . I shouldn’t have told you . . ,
you don’t believe me . . .
SHEILA: I believe you, believe me, I believe you . . . I always knew
there was something strange about you . . . you come from another planet. . .
CLAUDE:
Exanaplanetooch
A planet in another galaxy
Exanaplanetooch
A place where all the people
Look like me
A planet where the air is pure
The river waters crystal bright
The sky is green
And in the night
Twelve golden moons
Provide the light
The buildings in the cities
Shaped like hills
Made of black and green
And blue and yellow glass
With rivers running through
Them
Crystal bright .
Swim in the water
Drink from the rivers
Total beauty total health
Ev'ryman’s an artist
And a scientist-philosopher
No government and no police
No wars no crime no hate
Just happiness and love
Fulfillment of each man’s
Potential
And ambition
With ever-widening horizons
HAIR | 475
Exanaplanetooch
A planet in another galaxy
Exanaplanetooch
Would you like to go back
With me
(Music continues under)
Sheila, 'm not going into the Army tomorrow. My people are
sending a space ship for me, and I'm going back to my home. Will
you come with me?
suEILA: It would be exciting, wouldn’t it? (Crawling toward
cLAUDE) Exanaplanetooch
cLAUDE: Exanaplanetooch
sHEILA: I'll leave a note for my parents.
CLAUDE and SHEILA: Exanaplanetooch
(They go down on the bed together, CLAUDE on top of SHEILA,
kissing her.
Lights fade. Spotlight on them throbs a little and goes out.
In the blackout, the bed is carried off, as we hear THE GIRLS’
voices:)
THE GIRLS:
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
etc.
(Spotlight up on SHEILA)
SHEILA:
I reached it
He reached it
You reached it
We all reached the climax
Iloved it
He loved it
You loved it
We all loved the climax'6 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
Fasten your seatbelts
Hang on uptight
Approaching for landing
And everything turns out
Delightfully right
I've had it
He's had it
You've had it
We've all had the climax
This is the turning point
Funny
But by the end
Bitter and serious and deadly
(Lights up behind SHEILA as THE GUYS file in at attention, in full
Army battle dress, steel helmets, back packs, etc. They join
SHEILA)
4E GUYS:
I've had it
1EILA: I've had it .
HE GUYS:
He's had it
HEILA:
He's had it
' HE GUYS:
Youw've had it
HEILA:
Youve had it
HAR| 477
THE GUYS and SHEILA:
We've all had the climax
The climax
The climax
SHEILA:
This is the turning point
(SHEILA EXITS. Lights up full)
1HE SOLDIERS (Viciously exaggerated and rapid military maneuvers): Right Face. Left Face. In-Place March. About Face. Parade Rest. Attention. Left Face. Right Face. Double-Time March,
etc.
(They freeze at attention. MOM and DAD enter, carrying a man’s
suit on @ hanger with a mask. This represents their son. They stand
center, both looking at the suit of clothes which DAD holds between
them)
MoM (Kissing the mask) : Momma loves you.
paD (Goes to kiss mask, but pulls back, shakes arm of suitcoat):
I've waited a long time for this day.
Mom (Kisses mask): Now write me a letter tonight.
DAD (Starts to kiss, pulls back, shakes the empty sleeve): You don’t
know how proud I am of you, son, today.
Mom (Kisses mask) : Give us a kiss. (Kisses mask)
DAD (Shakes the empty sleeve and puts money into coat pocket): Be
aman.
(They walk him over to THE GUYS and hand suit to one of THE
GuYS. MOM and DAD stand to one side.
BERGER enters, calling to SHEILA)
BERGER: Sheila . . . Sheila. . . over here. . .
(SHEILA enters from opposite direction. She wears CLAUDE’s white
sari with a sash. BERGER hugs her affectionately. She makes no response. He backs away, reacting to this and really seeing for the first
time that SHEILA is wearing CLAUDE'’s sari)
BERGER: Sheila, we thought you were gonna miss the train.
woor: Where’s Claude?
BERGER: Yeah, where is he?
sHEILA: He's here. He’s here. He’s embarrassed.
BERGER: Embarrassed? About what?478 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
SHEILA: You'll see.
BERGER: Listen, the train’s leaving.
DAD: All aboard! (Someone imitates a train whistle)
SHEILA (Calling off): Claude . . .
(CLAUDE approaching, not yet in view)
BERGER: Claude, what did you do to yourself?
CLAUDE enters, almost in shock; he wears a dark sweater, dark
slacks, a navy knit stocking cap, carries his bag and the movie
script)
CLAUDE: Berger . . . I feel like I died.
BERGER: What happened, Claudio?
cravpe:I. . .I...
sHEILA: I cut his hair off . . . he askedmeto. . .
CLAUDE: I didn’t want them to get it. Here, George, I want you to
have it.
(He hands BERGER a paper sack, his shorn hair inside)
BERGER (Lookingat package): Oh, Claude . . . Claude. . .
cLAUDE: Keep it for me. Maybe I can have a wig made when I get
out.
BERGER: Claude. . .I. ..
CLAUDE: Don’t anybody say anything . . .
DAD (Transformed into a sergeant): Irish.
SOLDIER 1: Present, sir.
DAD: Italian.
SOLDIER 2: Present, sir.
DAD: Jew.
SOLDIER 3: Here, sir.
DAD: German.
SOLDIER 4: Present, sir.
DAD: English.
SOLDIER 5: Yo! sir.
DAD: Puerto Rican.
SOLDIER 6: Present, sir.
pAD: Polish. (No response) Claude Bukowski. (No response)
Claude Bukowski.
CLAUDE (Joins the file of men, then answers) : Present, sir.
DAD: Left Face.
(The sOLDIERS—*“the train”—do a left face)
Mom: Where's a taxi? . . . Service is terrible . . . I want to get
home . . .
HAIR | 479
pap (No longer the sergeant): 1 guess maybe we have to take the
subway . . .
pom: Oh, 'm so tired. . .
pap: Let’s take the subway . . .
yoM: You take the subway. When I get home, I'm going to soak in
thattub . . .
(The SOLDIER-TRAIN begins to move in an ominous, funeral march
tempo)
THE TRIBE:
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Ripped open by metal explosion
Sentimental ending
Caught in barbed wire
Sentimental ending
Fireball
Bullet shock
Sentimental ending
Bayonet electricity
Sentimental ending
Shrapneled
Throbbing meat
Sentimental ending
Electronic Data Processing
Sentimental ending
Black uniforms
Bare feet
Carbines
Sentimental ending
Mail-Order rifles
Shoot the muscles
256 Vietcong captured
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending
Sentimental ending480 | GREAT ROCK MUSICALS
(The Train circles the stage in the funeral march tempo as the
«Sentimental Ending” rhythm accelerates in contrast. The Train exits, leaving BERGER, SHEILA, and WOOF. BERGER goes 10 SHEILA,
takes her hand. She looks at him and leaves. BERGER stands motionless, holding the bag of CLAUDE’s hair, as WOOR comes over t0 join
him. WOOF grabs hold of his yellow satin shirt. Lights fade. “Sentimental Ending” at a furious pace in background, as if a train is rac~
ing away)
Curtain
Last Update:June, 27th 2025

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