I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General Lyrics > Pirates of Penzance, The
I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General Lyrics
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery?
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy?
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
Last Update: June, 18th 2014
Pirates of Penzance, The Lyrics
- Act 1
- Pour, O Pour the Pirate Sherry
- When Frederic Was a Little Lad
- Oh, Better Far to Live and Die
- Oh! False One, You Have Deceived Me
- Climbing over Rocky Mountain
- Stop, Ladies, Pray!
- Oh Is There Not One Maiden Breast?
- Poor Wandering One
- What Ought We to Do?
- How Beautifully Blue the Sky
- Stay, We Must Not Lose Our Senses
- Hold, Monsters!
- I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General
- Finale Act I
- Act 2
- Oh, Dry the Glistening Tear
- Now, Frederic, Let Your Escort Lion-Hearted When the Foeman Bares His Steel
- Now for the Pirates' Lair!
- When You Had Left Our Pirate Fold
- Away, Away! My Heart's on Fire
- All Is Prepared / Stay, Frederic, Stay!
- No, I'll be brave
- When a Felon's Not Engaged in His Employment
- A Rollicking Ban of Pirates We
- With Cat-Like Tread
- Hush, Hush! Not a Word / Sighing Softly to the River
- Finale