Normal Lyrics > Story of My Life, The

Thomas
And so i started writing. Anything and everything got put on paper.
A one-sentence preface...
Alvin
From a book i gave you.


Thomas
... Nudged me into a "neat career" as...


(he tears the page from the book.)


This isn't about me.


Alvin
Isn't it?


(thomas writes.)


Thomas
We are gathered to honor the life of alvin kelby.


Write what you know tom.
Write what you know.


(alvin selects another story and reads.)


Alvin
A stupid squashable bug.
A story about alvin and thomas.


Thomas
One afternoon, when i was fourteen,
I borrowed one of the magazines my father kept hidden in his nightstand.
I found alvin at the bridge by the falls staring intently at a butterfly.


(alvin steps into the past.)


Alvin
Tom. Watch this. They say that every time this butterfly flaps
It causes a tiny ripple in the air that can spread out and grow and change wind currents and
Weather patterns. They call it the butterfly effect. One flap could cause a blizzard in africa.


Thomas
To any other fourteen-year-old, alvin was a freak.


Alvin
I prefer the term "individual". Watch.


(thomas joins alvin. They watch the butterfly for a very long time. Nothing happens.)


Thomas
This is ridiculous.


Al, we’re starting high school in the fall
And you don’t seem prepared for that at all.
When everything is different
And the kids are mostly new.
You’ll see high school can be hard
On ‘individuals’ like you.


Alvin
Whoa. It's flapping.


Thomas
It’s a bug. A stupid, squashable bug.


Thomas
Look at this magazine, alvin.
See what regular guys are obsessed with.
You’re chasing insects
While you could be learning
What miss april tattooed her giant breast with.


(thomas shows alvin the cover of the magazine.)


Alvin
Get that out of my face.


Thomas
Being eccentric was fine
When it was just junior high.
If you want to fit in at high school, al,
Be normal.
Just try.


(thomas opens the magazine.)


Miss april... Likes action movies, stock car racing, and soup.


You like soup.


Alvin
She looks uncomfortable. Crap. Where’d the butterfly go?


Thomas
You’re gonna need to be different alvin.
You gotta draw less attention.
It’s better to just be like one of the crowd
Than a dweeb who dropped in
From the fifth dimension.


(alvin sees the butterfly.)
Alvin
There you are.


Thomas
Wouldn’t you like to be more
Than just ‘that weird kelby kid’?
You could fly under the radar, al
Be normal.


Alvin
Shhhhh!


Thomas
No more playing with bugs, alvin.
No more wearing your dead mother’s robe.
There are bullies and thugs, alvin.
Every one a potential alvin-o-phobe.


(the butterfly flaps.)


Alvin
Whoa!


Thomas
The tiniest transgression,
Like to stick out or rebel,
Will destroy their first impression
And turn high school into hell.


Al!


Alvin
Sh!

Thomas
I threw miss april at the butterfly.


(thomas does so. The butterfly flies away.)


Alvin
No! It’s flapping. It’s flapping. It’s flapping a lot. Oh my god.
There’s no telling what chain of events you just set into motion.


Thomas
Nothing's gonna happen!


Alvin
Don’t move. If a stupid, squashable bug can have that kind of power, what about us?


Thomas
Alvin moved his finger.
Alvin
What do you think that did?


Thomas
And then his hand.


Alvin
Or that?


Thomas
And then his whole arm.


Alvin
Or that?


Thomas
Until he was flapping around like some crazed pterodactyl.


Alvin
Woo hoo! Look at me tom. I’m changing the weather. I’m redirecting the jet stream.
I’m melting the polar ice caps.


Thomas
Nothing is changing! You look like an idiot!


Nobody said it was easy, alvin
Nobody said it was pretty.
And hearing this stuff from a friend may be hard,
But not knowing at all would be twice as shitty.
You’ll get through high school unnoticed
Then you’ll thank me, you’ll see.
So don’t be the guy who bucks every trend


Alvin
Give me that magazine.


(alvin picks up the magazine and examines it closely.)


Thomas
Who i have to justify and defend.


Alvin
I didn’t see that before.


Thomas
If you want to keep being my best friend
Be normal...


(alvin plucks something from the cover.)
Alvin
A caterpillar.


Thomas
... Like...


(thomas selects a story and alvin falls to the ground writhing in pain.)


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
Bullies and thugs.


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
A story about alvin kelby.


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
For our tenth grade halloween party,
Alvin came to school dressed as his mother’s ghost again.
Bathrobe and all.


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
What was cute at six was just weird at fifteen.


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
Donnie carter chased alvin all the way to the bridge and, by the time i got there,
Had him pinned to the ground and was pummeling him mercilessly.


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
Get off him!


Alvin
Tom!


Thomas
I said get off him now!
(thomas helps alvin to his feet.)


Alvin
He’s got my robe, tom.


Thomas
Give him the robe, donnie.


Alvin
Please give it back.


Thomas
Give it back now.


Alvin
No. Don’t do that. No no no. Please. Please. Don’t!


Thomas
Donnie threw the robe over the side of the bridge and ran away.
We watched it disappear over the falls.


But seriously al, what were you thinking?

Last Update: December, 22nd 2013