Things To Remember Lyrics > Roar Of The Greasepaint, The - The Smell Of The Crowd

There are so many things to remember
As you travel the highway of life,
Like always be kind to your husband
Or, if you're a man, to your wife.

You must never shoot trout in September.
You must never feed babies on gin.
Don't ever play poker on Sundays
Unless you are certain to win! Ha ha.

Don't go out of your way seeking danger -
Never stand on a crocodile's tail!
Never buy London Bridge from a stranger
Unless you can make a few bob on the sale!

Don't waste time with the friends that repel you
And don't ever drink soup with a knife!
Don't buy what those gypsy girls sell you,
And if you remember these things that I tell you
By Hell, you'll do well all your life!

When I think of the good things that life has to give,
I'm reluctantly forced to agree
That the number of people who know how to live
Is restricted, quite simply, to me.

For life is like cricket - we play by the rules -
But the secret which few people know,
Which keep men of class well apart from the fools
Is to think up the rules as you go.
Do-de-oh-do.

There are so many things to remember
When you study the fruit of the vine
And I am a hell of a student
And that's why I drink so much wine.
(I do beg your pardon).

Drinking Cointreau with salt beef and mustard
Is, of course, gastronomically wrong,
And don't ever eat curry with custard -
You'll find that it never says down very long!

Don't drink champagne from soggy old slippers
Though this barbaric custom is rife.
Don't lift up a whale by its flippers
And only buy claret from certified shippers,
Avoid eating goulash with ice cream and kippers.
Remember these things, you obnoxious young nippers,
And you will do well all your life.

So cheers, me dears, and here's to life!
Last Update: December, 08th 2013