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Musical: Once Upon A Mattress
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Dauntless: I like you, Fred, I like you! Winnifred: You're just saying those words to be kind. Dauntless: No I mean it. I like… I mean I love you, Fred! Winnifred: He is out of his medieval mind! Dauntless: I'm perfectly sane and sound! I never felt better in my life! Everybody… Everybody! Everybody come and meet my incipient wife! I'm in love with a girl named Fred! My reasons must be clear: When she shows you all how strong she is you'll stand right up and cheer! (Fred lifts a huge weight) Knights & Ladies: With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! She drinks just like a Lord! So sing a merry drinking song and let the wine be poured! (Fred drinks and enormous goblet of wine) Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! She sings just like a Bird! You'll be left completely speechless when her gentle voice is heard! (Fred sings a Jazz Riff) Knights & Ladies: (Fred drinks wine) Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! She wrestles like a Greek! You will clap your hands in wonder at her fabulous technique! (Fred throws dauntless) Knights & Ladies: (clap in rhythm) (Fred does acrobatic trick) (Fred sings jazz riff) (Fred drinks wine) Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! Who dances with such grace! You are bound to sing her praises 'til you're purple in the face! (Fred does Spanish Panic) Knights & Ladies: Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo! (Fred throws dauntless) (clap in rhythm) (Fred does acrobatic trick) (Fred sings jazz riff) (Fred drinks wine) Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! She's musical to boot! She will set your feet a-tapping when she plays upon her lute! (Fred plays lute) Knights & Ladies: (tap feet in rhythm) (Fred does Spanish Panic) Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo! (Fred throws dauntless) (clap in rhythm) (Fred does acrobatic trick) (Fred skats wildly) (Fred drinks wine) Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl named Fred! A clever, clownish wit! When she does her funny pantomime your sides are sure to split! (Fred does funny pantomime) Knights & Ladies: Ha-ha-ha-ha, Ho-ho-ho-ho, Ha-ha-ha-ha-Ho! (Fred plays lute) (tap feet in rhythm) (Fred does Spanish Panic) Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo! (Fred throws dauntless) (clap in rhythm) (Fred does acrobatic trick) (Fred just laughs) (Fred drinks wine) Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high! (Fred lifts a huge weight) With and "F" and an "R" and an "E" and a "D" And an "F-R-E-D" Fred! Yeah! Dauntless: I'm in love with a girl… Knights & Ladies: He's in love with a girl named "F-R-E-D" Winnifred: Yippeeee!! All: Fred! (At the end, Winnifred has been raised onto the throne. On the final note, she falls forward into the crows… passed out.)
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