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Musical: Once Upon A Mattress
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Dauntless: Ohhhhh… I liked her! Larken: So did I. Dauntless: Why… Knights: Why… All: Why… Dauntless: Must every princess get the bird? Lady Rowena: It's just absurd! Lady Agatha: I never heard a test so difficult to pass! Dauntless: Alas, a lass is what I lack, I lack a lass, alas alack. Knights: Throughout the land no one may wed Ladies: 'Til Dauntless shares his marriage bed Ohhh… Ladies: The lonely spinster's life! Go… And get the prince a royal wife (Dauntless, disconsolate, leaves) All: We have an opening for a princess, For a genuine, certified princess. Ladies: Tell us when you intend to end this dilemma we're in! Knights: None of the ladies give a fig for livin' in sin! All: We have an opening for a princess, for a beautiful, bona-fide princess. Ladies: Where's the dutiful knight who'll right all the wrong we've been done? Knights: None of the ladies are having any fun. Ladies: What to do? Knights: What to do? Ladies: What to do? Knights: What to do? Ladies: Pity the ladies-in-waiting. Knights: Pity the gentleman too. Ladies: Four, Knights: Six, All: Eight, ten, eleven, twelve contenders in a row.. Knights: They came, they were tested Ladies: Then swiftly requested to go… Ladies: Knights: Oh… Blow …For a princess the trumpet, sound the fife! For a genuine, certified princess. Knights: Go and get the prince a royal wife! Ladies: Tell us when you intend to send a girl who can pass Knights: None of the ladies are havin' any… All: No one is havin' any, No one is getting any younger, and it's been God knows how long since Knights: We have an opening for a princessLadies: For a genuine, certified princessWe have an Opening for a princess All: We have an opening for a princess who's good enough, nice enough, sweet enough, smart enough, rich enough for our poor prince!
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