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Musical: Nine
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The action begins in a graveyard. A man has been buried alive. He’s scratching and clawing. Poor fellow, he’s caught in a terrible crunch! He’s fighting his way to the surface. It’s likely he’ll never survive. He hardly can breathe, And he’s desperate to keep an appointment for lunch. La Fleur An appointment for lunch? That’s absurd! Guido It’s humorous! La Fleur It sounds depressing. Guido It does. In fact we begin with a wedding, A prologue to what I’ve described. We’re happy and gay and in love and it’s spring And the trees are all green. A trio of capuchin monkeys Insinuates into the frame. They chatter a bit and then one disappears, But the others remain ... Have i mentioned the train? La Fleur Train? Guido Of course! There are trains in all Contini films! It’s my signature! (sings) With a bold clean masterstroke, A bold clean masterstroke, Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, Suddenly we see fire and smoke. With a bold clean masterstroke, A bold clean masterstroke, Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, Suddenly there’s a train! With a bold clean masterstroke, A bold clean masterstroke, Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, Suddenly one colossal joke! And the monkeys all get on, The monkeys all get on, Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, Suddenly they’re all gone! Ciao! (He tries to leave.) La Fleur (calling him back) Contini! This is not what I want! There are no trains in a spa. There are no monkeys in a spa. And where is le singing? Where is le dancing? Guido What singing? What dancing? La Fleur When we had lunch in Paris, you told me you couldn’t wait to do a musical! Guido A musical? La Fleur Why do you think I gave you this contract? Guido What was I drinking at this lunch? La Fleur (outdone, enraged) Mais c’est pas possible! Je n’en peux plus! Pourquoi faut-il que je m’associe toujours avec les idiots? Madonna, madonna! (sings)
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