Oh, Happy Day Lyrics > Li'l Abner

Oh, Happy Day

(In Washington, the scientists testing Yokumberry Tonic dream of a time when life will be totally controlled by science.)

Hello scientists! What delicious conformity! Imagine - all reactions completely, utterly, precisely alike!
Think of the unbounded horizons of science when we can make all mankind look, act, think, feel, hope, desire, dream, buy and sell, inhale and exhale, exactly alike!

Oh, happy day, when miracles take place
And scientists control the human race,
When we assume authority of human chromosomes,
And assembly-line women,
Conveyor-belt men,
Settle down in push-button homes.

Oh, happy day, when all the cells conform
And the exceptional becomes the norm,
When from a test-tube we produce gargantuas or gnomes,
And assembly-line babies,
Conveyor-belt storks,
Only come to push-button homes.

So much of this, so much of that for the ears and eyes,
So much of that, so much of this for the toes and thighs.
Pour in a pot, stir up the lot, that's the basic plan,
What have we got? I'll tell you what: We've got man-made man!

Oh, happy day, when we can choose their looks
From formulae in scientific books
And add their personalities from psychiatric tomes
And assembly-line women,
Conveyor-belt men,
Settle down in push-button homes.

Oh, happy day, when all the world can see
A healthy, hearty, hale humanity
When even tired businessmen have hair upon their domes,
Slenderella-type mothers
And muscle-beach dads
Living in gymnasium homes.

Oh, happy day, when in collective brains
No individuality remains
We'll be a race of busy bees and happy honeycombs
With automaton couples,
Mechanical guests,
Getting gassed in self service homes.

Chick after chick, chick after chick, rolling off the line,
Chick after chick, chick after chick, in the same design,
Nobody thin, nobody fat, every body stacked.
We guarantee they're gonna be firm and fully packed!

Oh, happy day, when we come home from work
Drop in a pill or two & watch it perc* (*percolate, like coffee)
We'll even dream hypnotic dreams to soothe our weary heads
Every rubber foam husband (*brand of mattress)
And Beautyrest* wife
Trundling off to slow motion beds.

Get out of bed, do it for red, ultraviolet light
Sit down to eat, where built-in heat warms the food just right
No need to fret, get in a jet, off to work you spin
Or better yet stay home and let wifey phone you in.

Oh, happy day, when boys and girls on dates
Can tell electric'ly if they are mates
If he goes for her kilowatts and she enjoys his ohms,
You can bet your magnetic
Combustible shirt
They'll wind up in high-voltage homes.
Last Update: September, 22nd 2014