Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty Lyrics > Jerry Springer: the Opera
Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty Lyrics
Diaper Man
[JERRY (spoken)]
So, Montel, what's on your mind?
[MONTEL]
I've been seeing Andrea here,
And we're in love,
We're in love,
We're in love!
[JERRY (spoken)]
And what is it that you want to tell Andrea?
[MONTEL]
Well, Jerry...
[JERRY (spoken)]
Don't talk to me. Talk to Andrea.
[MONTEL]
Baby, I love you with all of my heart,
But there is one thing you could do for me,
Which could change my life!
Change my life!
[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
[MONTEL]
Well, baby...
[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
[MONTEL]
Well, baby...
[ANDREA]
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me, baby!
Tell me!
[MONTEL]
I wanna be your baby, baby.
[ANDREA]
You are my baby, baby!
[MONTEL]
What I mean is...
I wanna be your BABY.
[ANDREA]
...What?
[MONTEL]
Be your BABY.
[ANDREA]
You've gotta be kidding...
[MONTEL]
Be your baby, be your baby.
[ANDREA]
You've gotta be kidding...
[MONTEL]
Be your baby, be your baby.
[ANDREA]
Tell me this is bullshit!
[MONTEL]
Babe, I wanna be your baby, baby!
B-A-B with a Y!
B-A-B-Y!
[ANDREA]
What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
Jesus Christ!
What're you saying?!
[MONTEL]
If baby gets bad, if baby gets slack,
Mama give B-A-B-Y big, big smack!
[ANDREA]
Montel, what're you saying?
[MONTEL]
Baby!
[ANDREA]
Stop it!
What the fuck is happening here?
[MONTEL]
Baby!
[ANDREA]
Stop it!
[MONTEL]
Baby!
[ANDREA]
Watch it!
Montel! Montel, what the fuck is going on here?
[MONTEL]
Mama get all angwy.
[ANDREA]
Stop it, Montel!
Stop it!
[JERRY (spoken)]
Andrea, you seem upset. What is it you want to say to Montel?
[ANDREA]
Montel...
[MONTEL]
Mama.
[ANDREA]
Stop this.
[MONTEL]
Mama.
[ANDREA]
We can...
[MONTEL]
Mama.
[ANDREA]
...work it out!
[MONTEL]
It mean a lot to me, baby.
[ANDREA]
Get some therapy!
[MONTEL]
It would help in the bed department!
[ANDREA]
...Bed department?
[MONTEL]
Yes!
[ANDREA]
Are you saying I'm bad in bed?!
[MONTEL]
No, baby!
[ANDREA]
What then?
[MONTEL]
Well...
[ANDREA]
Spit it out! Spit it out!
Are you trying to say you're gay?!
[MONTEL]
No, baby!
It's so very hard...
[ANDREA]
Put some pants on!
Be a man,
And tell me! Tell me!
[MONTEL]
Well...
[ANDREA]
What?
[MONTEL]
It's...
[ANDREA]
What?
[MONTEL]
Er...
[ANDREA AND ENSEMBLE]
What?!
[JERRY'S INNER VALKYRIE]
Please don't tell us,
We can guess!
[JERRY (spoken)]
Will you get out of my head?! I'm working here! Now get out!
Montel Cums Dirty
[MONTEL]
Some people like to relax in casinos,
Others get their kicks shoving powder up their nose,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
Some people chill with a pill or a reefer,
Others like to eat their lunch off a whore's beaver,
That's how it is, that's how it is,
For some, morning mass,
For others, hairy ass.
I got a need, a special desire,
A little thing, a harmless thing, which sets my soul on fire,
Which sends we spinning into space and puts me in a trance.
A little thing, a harmless thing!
A little thing, a harmless thing!
I just wanna shit my pants.
Oh, I just wanna shit my pants.
Oh, pooping in my Calvin Kleins!
(Scats)
It might seem pathetic,
Might show a lack of class,
I only feel the real me,
When the shit's pooring out of my ass.
[JERRY (spoken)]
So, spit it out, Montel! What's the big secret?
[MONTEL]
I had to get my diaper action.
I had to get my diaper action.
I've been seeing Baby Jane!
Last Update: June, 10th 2013
Jerry Springer: the Opera Lyrics
- Act 1
- Overtly-Ture Full Company
- Audience Very Plainsong
- Ladies & Gentlemen / Have Yourselves A Good Time
- Bigger Than Oprah Winfrey
- Foursome Guests
- I've Been Seeing Someone Else
- Chick With A Dick / Talk To The Hand
- Adverts 1
- Intro To Diaper Man
- Diaper Man / Montel Cums Dirty
- This Is My Jerry Springer Moment
- Mama Gimmee Smack On The A**Hole
- I Wanna Sing Something Beautiful
- Adverts 2
- First Time I Saw Jerry
- Backstage Scene
- Poledancer
- I Just Wanna Dance
- It Has No Name
- Some Are Decended From Angels
-
Jerrycam / Klan Entrance Lyrics
- Act 2
- Eat Excrete
- Gloomy Nurses / Purgatory Dawning / The Haunting
-
Him Am the Devil / Every Last Mother Fucker Should Go Down Lyrics
- Grilled & Roasted
- Transition Music Lyrics
- Act 3
- Once In Happy Realms Of Light
-
Fuck You Talk Lyrics
-
Satan & Jesus Spat Lyrics
-
Adam & Eve & Mary Lyrics
- Where Were You? Lyrics
- Behold God Lyrics
- Marriage of Heaven & Hell Lyrics
- This is My Cheesey Lyrics
- Jerry it is Finished Lyrics
- Jerry Eleison Lyrics
- Please Don't Die Lyrics
- Take Care Lyrics
- Martin's Richard-esque Finale de Grand Fromage
- Play Out Lyrics