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Musical: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
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LAWRENCE You see, my dear- Every royal family, by its nature, Has a sort of price that it must pay. Every noble lineage has One loose gene- Small as a molecule, Flitting 'round the family pool. It's the sort of thing One sees in Appalachia Or in the odd inbred bichon frise. It really can be such a Nasty stain on the escutcheon When a wisp of DNA Begins to fray, then goes astray. Caligula had the tempre, The Hapburgs had the chin. George the Third went cuckoo-bird And Nero had that violin- Richard, you'll remember, Had the himp and The withered limb. The Bushes of Tex Were nervous wrecks Because their son was dim, But look what happened to him. Alas, our family also Carries a bit of a curse But darling, it could be A great deal worse. Thus ends the verse. Ruprecht's all about Sun and soda-pop, Paws on puppy-dogs, candy-canes, Ruprecht's all about Chocolate bunnies and Lazy afternoons and daisy-chains. With a little brother like this You can't help but have A happy home. With style upon grace And a smile upon his face And all that's missing is a chromosome. But Ruprecht's all about Hugs and Valentines That's why people all say Hey Ruprecht- You're really okay! Isn't he adorable? Ruprecht's all about hugs and valentines- RUPREHT -Milkshake enemas- LAWRENCE -Fun and play. Ruprecht's all about- RUPRECHT -Burmese belly-rubs, Fresh-shaved testicles On Christmas day. LAWRENCE With a smile that's a mile and a half And a laugh and a hearty 'Howdja do? RUPRECHT Howdja do! LAWRENCE It's a cinch that we will be A happy family, One plus one plus one- RUPRECHT -Makes two! Ruprecht's crazy 'bout taxidermy And KY Jelly on a rubber glove! LAWRENCE So give him a chance or three, Let him get to know you And you'll agree That Ruprecht's... All about love. Who's the happy chappy with the ulcerated ear? JOLENE Ruprecht? LAWRENCE Who stays awake all night hollering out with fear? JOLENE Ruprecht? LAWRENCE Who likes to spend every Saturday at the abattoir? Who gets the cattle-prod if he tries to hump the samovar? Who likes to save up all his farts in a Mason jar?' You guessed it- LAWRENCE/FREDDY/ENSEMBLE It's Ruprecht, My buddy Ruprecht- LAWRENCE I like him- LAWRENCE/FREDDY/ENSEMBLE Ruprecht- LAWRENCE And that's about all. [Thanks to firthafied282@sbcglobal.net for lyrics] Back to main page: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Lyrics
Broadway Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Lyrics
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