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Musical: Anyone Can Whistle
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SCHUB: Now why did the miracle go dry? MAGRUDER: 'Cause we turned the water off, is why. CORA: Idiot! SCHUB: Fool! COOLEY: Oaf! SCHUB: Moron! CORA: Idiot! SCHUB: Dolt! CORA: Idiot! SCHUB: We didn't turn it off, you see, 'Cause we didn't turn it on, not we- MAGRUDER: Who did? SCHUB (points upward): He did. CORA: He did? COOLEY: He did. MAGRUDER: You did. SCHUB: He did. CORA AND COOLEY: He did! ALL (Overlapping): Just what we needed! Just what we needed! SCHUB: Now, why did he turn it off so quick? A sign that our little town is sick. CORA: Brilliant! COOLEY: Clever! MAGRUDER: Good! CORA: Brilliant! MAGRUDER: Brilliant! COOLEY: Brilliant! SCHUB: Sick people running wild, no less, And who is responsible? One guess. MAGRUDER: Who? CORA: Doctor Hapgood. COOLEY: Doctor Hapgood. ALL: Hallelujah, Brother, cheers and acclaim! Hallelujah, we've got someone to blame! Hallelujah, praise the Lord and amen! CORA: Schub, you've done it again! Whenever my world falls apart, I never lose hope or lose heart. Whatever the form Of the storm That may brew, I've got you to lean on. When everything's hopelessly gray, You'll notice I'm youthfully gay! There isn't a sing- Le great thing I can't do. Not with you to lean on, Darling you! With you to depend on, I'll never quit. There isn't a murder I couldn't commit. I feel like a love- Ly girl of Twenty-two! I've got you to lean on! SCHUB: I've got you to lean on! COOLEY: I've got you to lean on! MAGRUDER: I've got- SCHUB: Now, what shall we label him, my friends? A phrase that rabble comprehends... COOLEY: "Religious pervert." MAGRUDER: Brilliant! SCHUB: Terrible! MAGRUDER: Terrible! SCHUB: Idiot! A phrase with a little more finesse... Obscene but inspiring... Ah, yes- MAGRUDER: Yes? SCHUB: "Enemy of heaven." CORA: Heaven... MAGRUDER: Heaven... COOLEY: Heaven! ALL: Heaven! COOLEY: Enemy of God! Enemy of the church! OTHERS (Overlapping): Enemy of heaven! Enemy of God! Enemy of the church! Enemy of the Pilgrims! Enemy of heaven! ALL: Hallelujah, all our problems are through! Hallelujah, that's what teamwork can do! Hallelujah, Brothers, pull on the oars! CORA: Schub, my kingdom is yours. Whenever my world falls to dust, I've always got someone to trust. Whatever the sort Of support That I need, I've got you to lean on. MEN: When everything's hollow and black, You'll always have us at your back. No matter how hollow, We'll follow Your lead- And with us to lean on, we'll succeed! CORA: What comfort it is to have always known That if they should catch me, I won't go alone. I'll always give credit Where credit Is due- I've got you to lean on! MEN: I've got you to lean on! CORA: I've got you to lean on!
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