Woe Is Me Lyrics > 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

LOGAINNE (spoken)
I’d just like to take one moment to thank my two fathers,
who have been so supportive of me in all of my endeavors.
Thank you dads!

CARL
We hate losers

DAN (spoken)
No one likes a loser!

CARL
Which is why
(spoken) we discipline.
God hates losers!

DAN (spoken)
But he loves you!

CARL
Because losers do not know how to win

DAN (spoken)
And we have faith in you.

CARL (spoken)
Yes we do!

DAN (spoken)
Yes we do!

CARL (spoken)
Go get ‘em!

LOGAINNE
I hope you can love me, America
(spoken) I’m gunning for first prize!
(sung) Here’s why you should love me, America
My needs I cannot overemphasize
I make myself crazy
Being what my dads hope I’ll be
But what about me dads’
What about me’
(spoken) Jesus Christ!
(sung) What about me’

CARL (spoken)
Practice your breathing, Logainne.

LOGAINNE
So I practice yoga
I don’t breathe
I try not to disappoint
But still I
Disappoint the dads
Who my friends mock
Kids are mean
Kids’ll talk
All my so-called friends roll their eyes
They’re incredibly petty
Because my dads are my dads
And alright enough already

ALL
Woe is me
Woe is me

LOGAINNE
Which is why I gotta win
This spelling bee

CARL (spoken)
Take a picture for her BM.

LOGAINNE (spoken)
Dad!

DAN (spoken)
Don’t call her BM, Carl.

CARL (spoken)
Sorry, her birth mother

LOGAINNE (spoken)
Peggy Jenkins!

DAN (spoken)
She’d be very proud if she could see you spell!

LOGAINNE
My birth mother lives in Kansas, Mo
In a trailer
In a park

ALL
Tornados

LOGAINNE
Every now and then
She sends a card
Life and men, she writes
Are hard
She would like to meet me
When I’ve grown and I’ve burst like a comet
But I’m so stressed
By my stress
I just wanna up and vomit
ALL
Woe is me
Woe is me

LOGAINNE
Which is why I gotta win
This spelling

ALL
Be smart
Be cool
Be an adult
Be remarkably adroit in social situations

LOGAINNE
Woe is Me
Woe is Me

ALL (overlapping Logainne)
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be

LOGAINNE, DADS
Which is why I gotta win
This spelling bee

ALL (overlapping Logainne)
Which is why she’s gotta win
This spelling bee

Last Update: January, 20th 2014